About popper-inners at my house?

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

Unannounced guests. Drop-ins. Surprise visitors.

I just don't like it, never have, never will. My mum knows this. I don't make exceptions for close friends or family. I appreciate a phonecall to let me know of a planned visit, even if it's an hour before. As long as I know you're coming, that's fine.

So my mother drops in unannounced today. I heard the door knocking but was hanging my wet washing out. I decided to ignore as I was still in PJs and wasn't expecting anyone. Instead of leaving, she hammered on the door, then went down the passage at the side of my house and called over my garden wall. She could see me hanging washing out so I had to go and answer. I went to the front door to let her in and she could tell I was pissed off. She said "Sorry about dropping in unannounced, I know you haite it." I said "I do, but it doesn't seem to bother you!" Then she looked really hurt and said "Oh I'll go then" I'm hardly going to let her go after a 30 minute drive over...

I will accept that I have got PMT so am probably a bit grouchy. AIBU though, to not like unannounced visitors? It seems to be a habit on my mum's side of the fam that just "popping in" without warning is fair game and if it is not appreciated, it is the problem of the visitee.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

Fam?!

I appear to have turned into a 15 year old gangsta.

[Sparklingbrook]

I am with you but you will be flamed I tell ya!

[BackforGood]

MN is pretty split on this one - me, I like 'pop in visitors', but this gets asked on a regular basis and there is about a 50:50 split.

I can't imagine any reason to not let your Mum in though (presuming all other things are equal and you have a normal, loving relationship with her). That said, I can't imagine doing 1/2 hour's journey to someone's house without checking first. That's not a 'pop in' in my mind. To 'pop in' it has to be a "I was passing" or "I was in the neighbourhood" thing.

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

Ach, I don't care!

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

I do have a normal relationship with my mum. We are really close, actually.

I just have a "thing" about people dropping in. I can't bear it!

[MichelleRouxJnr]

Agree.
Hate it and think it is a rude thing to do.
I never answer the door unless I know who is knocking and why, so if you want to come over, arrange in advance or prepare to be ignored.

[schooldidi]

I agree. I hate people just popping in, I need at least 20 mins to hide all the washing that needs putting away, dishes that need doing, etc.

That's why I moved an hour away from my parents . If they are going to drive for an hour they ring first just to make sure we're going to be in. I don't know well anybody close enough to just pop in.

[livinginwonderland]

I hate it too and I find it really rude! It's like knocking on someone's door and being like "SPEAK TO ME NOW!" until they answer!

[Mintyy]

YADNBU.

[Sparklingbrook]

The neighbours are most welcome but anyone else can phone ahead.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

I dislike it intensely but will make an exception if I gave birth to you.

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

It really doesn't matter how many people like it. You don't and you are entitled to feel that way.

I love popper inners - on my terms

I have no problem at all ignoring the door if I don't want to answer it. (ultimate MN sin ) So pop by if you like, I'll be in the back room and may or may not answer the door. If I open it, it's cos I am happy to deal with whoever is at the door. If not, then it's cos I'm busy or not in the mood.

You are in no way unreasonable for feeling like you prefer visits pre arranged. It isn't anyone else's place to tell you you're wrong just because it's not a way of doing things that appeals to them.

[JammyDodger1]

No no flaming here!
I hate it, on a sunday we have dinner as a family every week, it's the only day we can guarantee we all together and we always have it at 3pm so why do people who know this call at 2.30 and then I have to either offer to feed them or be rude or kill the veg into a smudge!
I'm going to start locking the door!

[LineRunner]

I do have a couple of 'pop in' type friends but I just say at the door, 'Hi, I can't ask you in because I'm in the middle of cooking / covering the house in toxic flea spray / crying, so give me a ring later, ok?'

[thegreylady]

I love it but it rarely happens.If you don't like it fair enough but, you know, I'd give the world to have my mum alive to 'pop in'.

[LineRunner]

jammy you have to learn the words, 'I can't ask you in....'

Practice saying it out loud.

[Sparklingbrook]

I have permission to just stroll in through the back door at one house. One of DS's mates is allowed to do that here. He rings the bell and comes in.

[DragonMamma]

Oh god, I love seeing my mum and we only live a mile apart so I regularly look up to see her at the window and it doesn't bother me at all.

I don't see the problem with family, myself. Pj's or not, if they call in unannounced they take me as they find me.

[Tweasels]

I don't like any visitors, but the poppy in unannounced sort are the absolute worst.

How am I supposed the maintain the illusion that my house is permanently clean if they don't give me the requisite 4 hours notice so I can clean it.

[luxemburgerli]

YANBU, I think this is perceived as a lot ruder in these days of text messaging/mobiles. So there's no excuse not to give someone 30 mins notice really.

But if your DM is a bit older she's probably more used to a time when dropping in was the norm. And maybe in those days people dind't mind so much because (a) it was excusable with lack of phones etc, and (b) everyone's standards were a bit lower. Because you often didn't get notice, so people were more often caught in the middle of cooking a messy tea, in PJs, etc?

Might be a load of rubbish though

[MarmaladeTwatkins]

I think it just smacks of "whatever you're doing, stop it, because I am more important."

I just wouldn't have the brass neck, personally, to assume that I was more important than someone else's plans. So maybe it's my issue...

[JammyDodger1]

aw Line they just walk in though!

[WhereYouLeftIt]

You don't like it. She knows that. She has no right to look hurt when you agree with her that you don't like it!

[Wishfulmakeupping]

Hate it too! Think everyone knows now had to get dh to make sure his family knew to call after they dropped in one Sunday lunchtime- neither if us dressed, house complete tip, we'd been on a night out I still had make up on from previous night- I didn't want to let them in but they could hear DH phone ringtone as they were calling :(

[cardibach]

I love it! I doesn't happen much and I wonder whether it is because of the bizarre (to me) attitude of those who think it is rude (rude? WTF? How is it rude to show you like someone and enjoy their company?). I really, really, don't understand why people have an issue with family and friends that they like calling in. It can make a boring day interesting and with luck they will interrupt you and stop you doing some horrible job! (Usual exceptions for those with mental health issues).