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to feel saddened about " breast feeding covers

(379 Posts)
Theas18 Sun 30-Jun-13 12:43:32

lady on the next table in the cafe I'm in ifs beat feeding a lovely month or so old baby under a huge bib.

maybe she feels " happier about it" and all that but really. What do you see for a happily breastfeeding b baby-the back of a sweet little head? no big deal and very normal.

Why are we ( society) doing this to mums and babies. surely a 6 month old won't tolerate it anyway, so I guess they give up then sad

itsaruddygame Fri 05-Jul-13 10:13:46

This thread really gets on my wick. It's nobody else's business whether a breastfeeding mother feels more comfortable covering up or not. Our society in general is accepting of breast feeding mothers and it is encouraged and promoted as best for babies in this country. Let people get on with feeding their babies and worry about something more important.

CaptainUndercrackers Fri 05-Jul-13 08:21:18

That's a fab blog get, thanks for the link. And totally agree that this kind of positive message is so much more effective - and inclusive - than the 'but why are you doing it that way?' handwringing that seems to be so popular.

GetYourSocksOff Thu 04-Jul-13 20:48:30

Sod it, here's the link, someone please report the post if needed.

GetYourSocksOff Thu 04-Jul-13 20:47:07

Interestingly, and by complete coincidence, I clicked on a blog link on MN earlier (about judginess and avocados). And have found myself falling a little in love with the author and exploring the blog further... Including her section on gentle parenting and as part of that, breastfeeding.

Can I link on here to blogs? I'm not sure.

Her posts on breastfeeding are beautiful and make me wish I'd found her blog before either one of my babies. It's inspiring and has shifted my own perspective a little. Maybe part of the difference is that there are pictures, beautiful pictures, of her feeding her baby and toddler (as opposed to 'do as I say... whilst I sit fully clothed and judge you'). And her writing is humorous and positive and balanced.

This is the kind of message which needs to reach new mums. Just that it's one way of doing it and normal people are doing it and it's kind of beautiful and inspiring. Not that everybody else is getting it wrong.

GetYourSocksOff Thu 04-Jul-13 18:53:28

A nice ball sac with your latte madam - love it grin

You see, it's the blind arrogance and blind sightedness which makes me despair. Minifingers, you might make some valid points along the way, I honestly have no idea because I'm so pissed off by your arrogance.

How dare you completely dismiss somebody's feeding choices with her own child? And equate it to an adult eating sandwiches in a pillow case? Bloody ridiculous.

grants1000 Thu 04-Jul-13 18:42:59

"No - if you go by many of the posts on this thread they usually seem to hide breastfeeding because they're ashamed of their breasts/body, and don't want to draw attention to them"

The above is utter crap.

I would not want someone looking at my vagina in a cafe, does not mean I'm ashamed. Why would I want to expose my breast and nipple to complete strangers to see? This does not mean I am ashamed it means I want privacy.

I had no angst or worries about feeding my child with a muslin because I did not want people being able to see my breasts and nipples, nothing at all to do with shame/angst/worry.

No one eats with a pillow over their head, what a daft thing to say.

Why not go the whole hog and have sex in public? It's natural after all, bodies are not to be ashamed off, a nice ball sac with you latte madame?

Minifingers Thu 04-Jul-13 18:07:36

"Women aren't hiding breastfeeding because they're ashamed of the act; that's simply not the case."

No - if you go by many of the posts on this thread they usually seem to hide breastfeeding because they're ashamed of their breasts/body, and don't want to draw attention to them.

Minifingers Thu 04-Jul-13 18:05:29

"Why would I want to that in a cafe without any privacy?"

Well - in the UK you wouldn't.

But if you'd been born in other countries where the majority of people don't bat an eyelid at the sight of a baby breastfeeding no matter what the size and shape of the mum's breast, and where you see breastfeeding EVERYWHERE, you may well have felt differently.

"Some comments on here sound like students come back from a gap year in Africa wishing we could all be the same"

I lived in Africa, India, Sri Lanka and Thailand as a child and young adult so have seen normal breastfeeding across the world. I DO wish were more like women in those countries, because they don't seem to have half the angst/problems we have with breastfeeding. Maybe it's because they don't spend as much time as we do worrying about people looking at them while they breastfeed and thinking they've got wobbly tummies/saggy boobs/big boobs/big nipples/stretch marks etc.

"It's actually quite snuggly and intimate to use a blanket to feed."

Yes - I love eating my sandwiches with a pillow case over my head. hmm

grants1000 Thu 04-Jul-13 17:35:11

I had very large breast feeding boobs, unlike some who have little ones so easy to pop on baby and feed, I had to get my feeding boob almost completely out to feed and both took a while to latch on, so lots of nipple exposure.

Why would I want to that in a cafe without any privacy? A muslin and a quiet corner sufficed. No sad or shamfull, just easier, more comfortable and conveniet.

OP is bonkers.

YummyYummyYum Thu 04-Jul-13 16:44:21

She likes to cover, that's all. On the other hand, I have no shame and I am proud to show my 30G boobs thank you bra intervention ladies when feeding my baby.

MyDarlingClementine Thu 04-Jul-13 15:41:45

Its an issue for the BF mother and no one else.
Its not for any other person to look at another and try and work out why they are doing something.

Having a neck high scarf on, for me, was simply easier to manouvre underneath with plenty of room and giving baby plenty of air and space too.

It was nothing - nothing to do with wanting to be hidden from the neck down like a Victorian bather.

My cover was in valuable to me, when I got the hang of BF with more ease, I was able to graduate onto tops, and scarfs.

I never bare my breasts on a beach, and whether anyone likes it or not they are sexual objects.

Men get turned on by breasts.

You can ban the sun but they will still find them sexy.

I chose to cover mine when BF because I always cover them. I do not even wear tops showing much cleavage.

They have never ever been something I want to show off, or a feature.

Some comments on here sound like students come back from a gap year in Africa wishing we could all be the same grin

ZenGardener Thu 04-Jul-13 14:06:09

I feed my 2 year old in public. I don't give a flying fig what people think but I used to work as a secondary school teacher and I really would rather my former pupils don't see me with my boobs out especially in this age of phone cameras.

Maybe that makes people sad but I don't care. It's actually quite snuggly and intimate to use a blanket to feed.

GetYourSocksOff Thu 04-Jul-13 13:24:11

Sad with pompoms grin

Interestingly, ICBINEG I agree with you about the toddler issue. I think there is a great deal of acceptance now when it comes to feeding babies in public. Some people in the proximity may find it a bit awkward or embarrassing but it's getting better all the time. Because increasingly nursing mums ARE getting out there and doing it. But yes, the older the child gets the less comfortable westerners are.

But this is a complex issue. The African pictures, for example, are lovely to but paint it as some kind of matriarchal utopia is polarised and misguided. And as somebody pointed out, it's a hell of a lot warmer over there grin. Hygiene standards necessitate longer nursing times in many cases, which simply isn't the case over here. It's never going to be as widespread and therefore as mainstream for older children to breastfeed in the UK.

But I also agree with poppy . And please don't shoot me down for this, but I like that my breasts can also be sexy. I'm not ashamed of them, in fact, since having babies, I think they're pretty amazing. They're not for general viewing however, this is my choice and always has been.

My problem with the thread is that there are comments from pro breastfeeders which are not at all supportive of mothers using covers (I was going to look for some quotes but there are so many it really is stating the obvious). It's an emotive issue and that kind of approach will almost certainly do more damage than good <shakes pompoms and sobs a bit>

ICBINEG Thu 04-Jul-13 12:30:39

Also I am even more pompously sad that women are required by society to cover more of their bodies then men by default.

ICBINEG Thu 04-Jul-13 12:27:39

I will accept in my case of toddlers it is a different issue...but the two aren't exactly separable.

PoppyAmex Thu 04-Jul-13 12:23:15

ICB as I said upthread, I think you're confused - this is not a breastfeeding issue at all.

Women aren't hiding breastfeeding because they're ashamed of the act; that's simply not the case.

I've never ever heard of any breastfeeding mother expressing shame about the act of feeding their babies (in public or not).

They're hiding their breasts, which is an entirely different matter.

ICBINEG Thu 04-Jul-13 12:12:42

I also feel sad that I would feel far too uncomfortable to BF my toddler in public. In fact I felt uncomfortable when she started telling my family about how cow's milk comes from cows and 'purple milk' (don't ask) comes from breasts.

I don't beat myself up over not feeling brave enough to expose the local cafe frequenters to BF of toddlers though, sometimes you don't have the energy or gumption for such things......

but I do feel a tiny bit sad that I don't feel able to just feed my child the way I want to....and I will continue to feel sad for everyone out there in the same position - be it due to big boobs, milk spray, fussy babies or child age.

I don't know about pompously sad...but I could give it a shot! Is it like normal sad but with pompoms?

ICBINEG Thu 04-Jul-13 12:04:28

I don't recall insisting that anyone be a standard bearer?

And I really think it is allowable to feel sad that society makes BFing in public something that some women feel uncomfortable about.

GetYourSocksOff Thu 04-Jul-13 11:48:32

This is my first experience of mumsnet Tourette's and I'm scared it might get addictive hmm

namechangea Wed 03-Jul-13 20:12:49

I must stop looking at this thread as once again I'm getting Mumsnet tourettes.

GetYourSocksOff Wed 03-Jul-13 20:06:42

Actually, ICBINEG, your attitude stinks right there.

Yep, I can understand the difference. I don't need your approval, albeit slightly marred by the 'whatever' but... whatever.

I do however think other women should be able to breastfeed in whatever way they feel comfortable, without other people feeling pompously sad or having a giggle (I know that wasn't aimed directly at a mother). And that's just this page.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 03-Jul-13 19:41:21


As I said earlier, I think the OPs real attitude leaks out with this sniffy quote from the OP:

"maybe she feels " happier about it" and all that but really." Like the mother's happiness is a minor consideration.

I agree society needs to sort out its shit, I really do. But I think it's a bit of a dangerous message to be giving to women that they have to be the standard bearers for the "correct" way to feed.

ICBINEG Wed 03-Jul-13 19:34:24

Can someone point out where all the judgement on this thread is supposed to be?

I (and all the other posters I have seen including the OP) don't have the slightest problem the woman using the cover. Or FFing for that matter.

The only problem I have is that society applies pressure to women that sometimes makes them feel the need to cover up while feeding.

Can people really not understand the difference?

You do as you will and good for you, whatever.

Society on the other hand needs to sort it's shit out so that breasts become substantially less fetishized and people don't feel the need to blush if they accidentally flash a nipple.

We are not judging people, we are judging society.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Wed 03-Jul-13 19:32:48


If you didn't want to buy one, how about one of those comedy men's aprons with a nude figure on ....

GetYourSocksOff Wed 03-Jul-13 19:26:28

For some of us they are absolutely not unnecessary commercialism, they're a godsend.

I certainly didn't buy mine because I felt I 'had' to have it. I discovered them with DC1 just as I had had enough of expressing enough to bottle feed every time I went out and figured I'd give it a go. It's the one single reason I kept feeding 2 children for as long as I did. Believe me, I had practised, but things just weren't working for us and I felt stressed and exposed.

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