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To be worried about my nieces drinking.

(15 Posts)
DrDumbass Sat 29-Jun-13 14:27:11

I always had a close relationship with her when she was growing up as I understood she had a less than stable home life I tried my best to show her a happy childhood, such as taking her out for day trips, taking her on holidays spending time with her doing homework and taking her to the park trick or get the idea.
She is now 17. She spends every weekend in the pub with her friends/boyfriend getting pissed and I mean pissed she posted on fb this morning that she left the pub at 2am and got lost on her way home (she lives with her boyfriends mum) and so didn't get home until 5. She works as an apprentice and spends all her money on new clothes for going out (normal I know) and going out Friday,Saturday and Sunday and getting pissed. She will then moan about how she's no money to travel the world like she wants like I did (flattering but completely missing the facts she can't go a week without crying she misses her boyfriend/mum/sister....and probably could afford it if she stayed out the pub).
My brother (her dad) is just like "she's 17 what you want me to do" which makes me angry .
Her mum spends all her time in the pub so just shrugs it off as 'normal'...angry
After giving up on college and three other jobs I thought she was really getting somewhere with this apprenticeship but apparently wants out of there first chance she gets.
Sorry this is a bit long, but AIBU? Is this normal teenage behaviour or does it seem excessive? I just really worry about some of her life choices.

minibmw2010 Sat 29-Jun-13 14:52:51

It is normal teenage behaviour and it is excessive, that's what life seems to be for them now. It's good you care though, clearly her parents don't which is a shame. She's 17. Give her a little while, she has a way to go before she's grown up.

Lweji Sat 29-Jun-13 14:53:49

I don't think it's normal, not when all teenagers are concerned, and you have every reason to be worried, however, it's her choice and her mistakes to learn from.

It's not the end of the world as she could wise up later.
The only thing you can do now is not support her bad choices and be there for her when she really wants to turn her like life around.

Lj8893 Sat 29-Jun-13 15:21:46

From the age of 16 to 24 I spent most of my weekends in the pub! In fact while I was at uni (but living in my home town) i had weeks where I was in the pub most nights! That was between the ages 22-24.

Once I met and moved in with my partner (in a pub actually haha) i calmed down and we just had the odd night out together. Now I'm pregnant so obviously not drinking, and when I have my baby nights out will be a rare thing. I've finally grown up!

I have a degree, good work experience yet i still wouldn't say i have a clear career path and will probably end up doing a college course in a few years to retrain.

I don't think it is anything to worry about just yet, she's only young and has many years ahead of her. If the drinking becomes a daily thing then yes i would start to worry. However it sounds like she's more into the social aspect of the pub than the drinking part.

tittytittyhanghang Sat 29-Jun-13 15:41:42

Meh seems normal to me. As long as its not interfering with her apprenticeship I would not be too worried.

Justforlaughs Sat 29-Jun-13 15:44:06

YANBU to be worried, but just make it clear that you are there for her. Don't make it into a big deal, lots of teenagers do this and come out the other side in one piece. (I did! even though I was slightly older, 18-20)

SoftlySoftly Sat 29-Jun-13 15:48:08

I went out t get thur-sun from about 16-22 then settled down. I have a good degree good career house family etc.

I'd concern myself with ensuring she's working towardssomething so she has a future when she snaps out of it.

DrDumbass Sun 30-Jun-13 19:28:42

Thanks for the replies. It helps to get a little perspective.
I just think at her age I was going to the pub etc but never regularly drank to such an extent and I suppose thats why I worry. Lord help me when ds is a teenager......

WilsonFrickett Sun 30-Jun-13 19:34:55

If she's on an apprentice wage and buying loads of new clothes too then I'm surprised she can afford the amount of alcohol you think she's drinking. Maybe she isn't drinking as much as you think but is bigging it up on Facebook?

You sound lovely - just keep the communication going with her and I'm sure she'll come out the other side of this. But I really would take her fb statuses with a pinch of salt.

Triumphoveradversity Sun 30-Jun-13 19:39:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

specialsubject Sun 30-Jun-13 19:39:47

just because lots of teenagers are whining dumb drunks, doesn't mean it is normal or to be expected. Plenty have sense, know when to stop swilling booze and can manage money.

this girl is the daughter of an alcoholic, not her fault. She needs help to know that this is not normal or desirable.

one thing standard for teens is that they know it all and won't listen - so good luck telling her the obvious things that she needs to change...but at least she has you.

aldiwhore Sun 30-Jun-13 19:40:37

I was like this at 17, except I'd also be in the pub from noon on a Wednesday as well as we only had a half day at college.

I'm not saying "don't worry!" I'm saying it is normal, it is also normal for an adult to be concerned. Voice your concern, just say you know you're probably worrying over nothing but you feel obliged to say you're worried, only because you love her.

Then leave it at that.

This is no new thing. This has happened from the year dot. It's not particularly healthy, it's also not always a one way street to oblivion (well, not long lasting oblivion anyway, short term oblivion is the entire point).

Keep an eye on her, if she starts dropping days at work, opting out of life, then it is probably still quite common but needs addressing more directly.

I never got why my folks worried about me. I do now. Neither of us was really BU.

DrDumbass Sun 30-Jun-13 20:01:16

Wilson sorry I just used the Facebook thing as an example. She has accidentally called me, my mum, her dad at god knows what hour clearly pissed asking for a taxi/pizza/curry.....
My mum called her on Friday afternoon and she was already pissed (had been out to 'lunch' with her mum) and was on her way to meet her mates at the pub. This was about 4.30.....sad

DrDumbass Sun 30-Jun-13 20:02:40

Sorry posted too soon, meant to say so it's not really all about the Facebook.

Burmillababe Sun 30-Jun-13 21:57:11

I drank like a fish at her age - now I don't drink alcohol at all. If she is able to work without being affected I really wouldn't worry - I remember going into work several times after having no sleep and still being able to function properly (although now at 42 I couldn't do it!!)

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