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to feel sorry for children whose parents smoke?

(188 Posts)
strawberry34 Sat 29-Jun-13 14:11:38

I was walking through the park today and saw a couple sitting with their baby, they were both smoking whilst baby was next to them inhaling their fumes. I felt sorry for the child, for years it's been known that smoking is bad for everyone and passive smoking is dangerous.

It's also known that having a parent who is a smoker increases your likelihood of becoming a smoker when you grow up. I know there will be human rights people who object to me judging parents who smoke, but I do feel sorry for their children. Surely quitting smoking is a small price to pay for your children's future health, it's not like health advice on smoking has changed recently, campaigns have gone on for decades warning of the damage, there are no benefits as far as I can see.

PrettyKitty1986 Mon 01-Jul-13 12:27:34

I'm also in agreement to the 'bleating'.

Friends frequently look at me wistfully and say 'Oh you are good. I wish I could stop' (I've been quit for 5 months).

You could if you tried. You just have to want it enough. If you don't want to, fine...just don't try kidding other people that you 'can't'

LookingForwardToMarch Mon 01-Jul-13 12:22:11

Worral I used to have a hard drug addiction myself and yes I view moaning about how hard it is to stop as 'bleating'
I tend to find those complaining how hard it is aren't actually trying to stop, they just use the fact its difficult to excuse not even trying.
There is a massive amount of free support and help available to people with addictions. I feel no sympathy for anyone who doesn't do the best for their children.

cory Mon 01-Jul-13 12:04:37

Dh had lovely parents who saw to all his emotional needs. But his asthma improved no end when he moved out of a smokey environment. Physical needs are quite important too. Those asthma attacks were frightening for him. They took their emotional toll too.

Their fairly hearty drinking never landed him in hospital. The smoking did.

LillyGrinter Mon 01-Jul-13 10:33:47

My parents smoked (dad smoked cigars). I had a wonderful childhood and I've never smoked!

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Jul-13 10:17:19

Looking it's interesting that you view people stating that cracking an addiction is hard, as 'bleating'.

Why not pop over to the weight loss topic and tell them to stop bleating about food addiction?

Or find your local drug/alcohol clinic and tell them the same thing?

I'm sure you'll be very welcome...

I love your nickname, jamwalk!

tankflybosswalkjamnittygritty Mon 01-Jul-13 09:50:35

There are far worse things a parent can do then smoke.

LookingForwardToMarch Mon 01-Jul-13 08:34:59

Yeah giving up smoking is hard not impossible.

If a woman like me can give up ( and I have zero will power, seriously never let a cake near me ) then anyone can.

Bleating that it's hard doesn't take away from the fact you are harming your children if you smoke near them.

hels71 Mon 01-Jul-13 08:29:20

My friend thought that giving up smoking was just too hard to do. She now thinks it might have been easier than telling her children she is going to die however.......

ChasingDogs Mon 01-Jul-13 00:32:07

Meh, my parents both smoke and it never bothered me. I actually liked the faggy smell of my dad's shirts and jumpers when I was little blush Didn't like it too much in the car, as it would get all concentrated but an "Urgh! Open the window!" would get the job done I found.

I took up smoking in secondary school, not because my parents did, but because all my friends did. Now on ecigs and cutting down on that too. I won't defend smoking itself, it's bloody stupid and we all know that perfectly well. However it is also incredibly hard to quit, and unless you've been there I think knee jerk judgement about how selfish it is, how you should just stop etc., is a bit detached from reality.

My da is great. My ma has had mental health issues since I can remember that are challenging for us all. But all in all they're good people who did their best at parenting, and did a bloody good job for most of it. Certainly don't need sympathy for the fact they smoked. confused

To be fair I was more at risk from all the animals and rusty old machinery and guns and the dens we dug out underground (they invariably collapsed on our heads. None of us became civil engineers). But I don't want sympathy for that either cause it was bloody good fun grin

morethanpotatoprints Mon 01-Jul-13 00:25:37

I was just wondering how many parents who smoke actually smoke in the house at all these days. All the smokers I know don't, infact I know a few who have bought awnings as a shelter at the back of their houses.
I haven't seen parents smoking in cars recently with dc in the back.
i think we are a lot better educated in the effect of smoking near dc now and with the smoking ban passive smoking is virtually non existent

1944girl Mon 01-Jul-13 00:06:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontgowadingin Sun 30-Jun-13 23:49:07

Smoking around children IS bad parenting! It is proven to be deadly.

Twooter Sun 30-Jun-13 22:15:44


LookingForwardToMarch Sun 30-Jun-13 22:07:51

Agreed, smoking alone does not a bad parent make.

But when that parent smokes around their kids, knowing damn well it is harming them, then I think you can safely call them a bad parent.

Yes their kids may be well looked after in every other sense, but if they are damaging their health it is still bad parenting.

I haven't said it does, scottishmummy. Earlier on in the thread I agreed that someone who smokes but never around the children, in the house or in the car, is not being a bad parent.

But what my parents did was bad parenting. They chose to smoke, my little sister and I had no such choice, from babyhood we were breathing mum and dad's second hand smoke. And my mum cared more about having a cigarette in the car than the fact that it was making me carsick and giving me a headache. I call that bad parenting - do you disagree??

scottishmummy Sun 30-Jun-13 21:53:49

Yes ideally every child should not exposed to harmful agents
I don't think smoking necessarily make someone bad parent

Well, it seems reasonably obvious to me, but scottishmummy is not going to answer my question, because she can't do so without contradicting herself somewhat.

LookingForwardToMarch Sun 30-Jun-13 21:44:28

I think anyone with a smidge of sense can see that doing anything that causes lasting damage to your children knowingly is bad parenting.

Well I hope so anyway.

scottishmummy Sun 30-Jun-13 21:44:01

No,you're simply asking what I cannot confidently answer given your info
You lived it,it's your subjective experience
If you think your parents were neglectful thats your pov

Frankly I knew you wouldn't answer my questions, because it would involve you backing down from your previously stated position.

I am slightly surprised that you can't answer the question about whether it is good parenting to smoke constantly round children - I threw that one in because it is so piss-easy to answer. Oh - and the answer is No, it is not good parenting to smoke constantly round children, because second hand smoke is bad for them.

Did that sound patronising? Good.

scottishmummy Sun 30-Jun-13 21:27:43

I'm not biting,so try your hyperbole with someone else

That is not the only information I gave you. The question I asked was whether my mother was neglectful when she refused to stop smoking in the car, despite my telling her that it made me carsick and gave me a dreadful headache.

And both of them smoked constantly around my sister and I, from birth onwards, so we were constantly exposed to second hand smoke - are you suggesting that was good parenting?

Widening the question - is it ever good parenting for parents to smoke constantly around their children?

scottishmummy Sun 30-Jun-13 21:13:53

Based solely on limited information that your parents smoked sdt
I can't be expected to make judgement on whether or not they were neglectful
That's your call to make,not mine.i don't think smoking renders one bad parent

AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating Sun 30-Jun-13 21:01:09

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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