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quick survey- aibu or is DH?

(46 Posts)
hoochycoo Fri 28-Jun-13 21:11:26

When DH came home from work tonight the post was still on the hall floor. I normally pick it up and put in on the unit in the hall. I don't open his mail. I hadn't today

He had a letter from his car insurance saying they'd cancelled his insurance. He didn't know why so he rang them and they said it was because he'd missed payments, and that they'd written to him twice to tell him this. apparently he'd given them the wrong card details, which is why the payment hadn't gone through.

He went and looked for the letters on the unit in the hall. So therefore it's apparently also my fault as I picked the the letters off the floor and put them there. Apparently i should have told them they were there and noticed that he hadn't opened them. Apparently he didn't know I put mail there.

I don't drive and the car and insurance are in his name. He deals with the car stuff, I've never had anything to do with it.

Is this partially my fault too?

currywurst3 Fri 28-Jun-13 21:13:50

If he genuinely didn't know you move the mail and you don't tell him when he has post its your fault. Otherwise it's his fault.

SodaStreamy Fri 28-Jun-13 21:14:57

so is there a pile of unopened mail there?

cherryade8 Fri 28-Jun-13 21:15:11

His fault (assuming the post was visible on the unit)

balancingfigure Fri 28-Jun-13 21:16:25

You're not BU, your DP is

hoochycoo Fri 28-Jun-13 21:17:50

I pick the post up off the floor and put it on the unit in the hall. I don't tell him it's there. It's obvious, it's not a big hall, it's right by the front door. He hasn't got a pile of months of mail there so he does notice it. I've seen him opening mail plenty times. But I've never explicity said "i've put your mail on the unit in the hall, you've two letters" or similar.

Itaintmebabeitaintmeyourlookin Fri 28-Jun-13 21:19:53

He's blaming you to make himself feel better

currywurst3 Fri 28-Jun-13 21:20:07

OK his fault then. Sounds like one of those people who refuse to accept they've messed up.

hoochycoo Fri 28-Jun-13 21:20:37

THere's some unopened mail there. Letters needing redirected from previous occupant, some stuff i haven't opened as i know what it is and it's dull. Some take away menus, some packets of seeds, some toddler drawings, some baby shoes. You know the sketch eh? Always aspiring to have a beautifully working system and organised hall, but not quite there. EVER

Crumbledwalnuts Fri 28-Jun-13 21:20:49

He's a bit of an idiot I think.

HerrenaHarridan Fri 28-Jun-13 21:21:46

How long have you been putting his nail there?

He's always found it ok so far?

dontyouwantmebaby Fri 28-Jun-13 21:22:39

no its definitely his fault - he could (and should) have checked his bank statements and noticed that no payment had gone through for car insurance. pretty stupid of him to wait until the company had to write to him to inform him. in fact, can't believe they didn't try ringing him first when the initial payment didn't clear cos of wrong card details.

agree if he genuinely doesn't realise that you pick up his mail and leave it somewhere else in the house then he needs to be told once (once only) that is where the post is. doesn't excuse him on this occasion as he should have noticed no payment gone from his account for something as important as car insurance.

hoochycoo Fri 28-Jun-13 21:23:39

he says that i should take some responsibility as i should have known the company his car insurance was with and recognised the envelopes and realised that they were important and told him about them. To be honest, if hasn't got my name on it I don't look. He says that I should be supporting him and know what is going on

notanyanymore Fri 28-Jun-13 21:25:11

Yanbu he needs to accept he's an adult and act like one.

dontyouwantmebaby Fri 28-Jun-13 21:26:22

YANBU - definitely not

He's shifting blame to you cos he screwed up this time. Why should you have to take responsibility for his post?

I leave DPs post on his desk. Even if there's none there, he always asks if there was any! He'd get short shrift from me if he accused me of not alerting him to what envelopes looked important and what didn't!

Hassled Fri 28-Jun-13 21:26:45

He's a complete muppet who needs to start taking some personal responsibility.

There's a small hall with post on a table, and the post comes daily - of course he should have checked it, and of course you shouldn't have to point out the bleeding obvious to him.

And why didn't he notice were payments were being taken from his account? Or is that your fault too?

UnrequitedSkink Fri 28-Jun-13 21:26:56

Say, 'ok, in future I will open any mail that looks important, but can we also agree that you will start making a habit of looking at the post that is ALWAYS THERE when you get in from work?'

That way you've got it covered (while neatly pointing out that you can't be expected to shoulder all the blame.)

dontyouwantmebaby Fri 28-Jun-13 21:27:02

which envelopes I mean blush

grobagsforever Fri 28-Jun-13 21:27:17

Supporting him in his car insurance?? gringringringrin Arf. Is he always this precious?

Hassled Fri 28-Jun-13 21:27:36


ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 21:27:40


He's at fault, 100%, and he knows it - he just doesn't like it. Tell him to stop being such a twat.

Having said that - your hall table would drive me to wine I don't 'do' clutter!

Montybojangles Fri 28-Jun-13 21:28:08

He's being an arse. He knows he has messed up and is trying to make himself feel better by shifting blame anywhere he thinks he can.
If he has opened post before from there then he can't say he ever knew.

In future leave his mail on the doorstep!

mrstigs Fri 28-Jun-13 21:28:28

He needs to take a bit of responsibility. If you had both discussed previously to make it your job to sort out the post and let him know if a letter comes for him and you didn't then fair enough, but he can't just assume you will then complain when you don't realise his assumption.

Emilythornesbff Fri 28-Jun-13 21:36:58

I second what itaintme said.

Has he never opened any mail since you moved to this address? He must know where it all is.

Perhaps try to disengage from the argument. You're sorry his insurance has been cancelled and you unr stand it's stressful. All he needs to do is correct the details (which HE screwed up btw wink) with the insurance company.
Then he can have an in tray in a mutually agreed place (the hall??).
Unless he's being a total I would be tempted to avoid an argument as he's probably just a bit stressed, which frequently leads to knobbish behaviour.
But YADNBU. He is.

CoalDustWoman Fri 28-Jun-13 21:41:43

Did he tell you that he'd appointed you as his PA?

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