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To be angry with DH over drink after work?

(23 Posts)
Nikabilla Fri 28-Jun-13 18:50:12

DH leaves the house at 7am and gets home at 7am, we have 3 young DC.

I've had a fucking hard day, am really tired and he knows this as I spoke to him a few hours ago. He finishes early on a Friday, he has barely seen the DC all week and was going to put them to bed tonight.

He finally returned a minute ago to say he's been for a drink with work mates and would be home just after 7.

I am barely holding it together today, I am furious and now crying that he could be so selfish, he knew I needed him this eve as did his DC. Have had a large wine , AIBU?

Nikabilla Fri 28-Jun-13 18:50:48

DC are in bed by 7 btw

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 28-Jun-13 18:55:47

No yanbu he said he would be back early and you were aiming for that time- I know the feeling. Have a glass of wine chill out then make your oh do dinner when he gets back

Nikabilla Fri 28-Jun-13 18:55:58


superram Fri 28-Jun-13 18:56:17

Not unreasonable but I wouldn't make a big deal of it. Just tell him you are going out next Friday so he has to be home early. We all have days like this and we all sometimes fancy a cheeky pint. Let it go.

Nikabilla Fri 28-Jun-13 18:57:12

I wouldn't normally mind at all, it's just I've had such a rubbish day and am so tired and he knows this.

Ledkr Fri 28-Jun-13 18:58:58

I'm not sure I understand your post op.
He came home at 6.50 and said he'd be home by 7.
I'm sure I'm confused but that us ten minutes is it not?

Gingerandcocoa Fri 28-Jun-13 18:59:36

YANBU but remember that your feelings are exacerbated but how tired you are. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just enjoy your time alone, have a bath etc!

PoppyWearer Fri 28-Jun-13 18:59:59

I can see both sides. Am currently a SAHM (and have had a helluva day today - is it a full moon?) but also remember those days when I needed a drink after a shitty day at work, and also how important those things are for networking and team building.

I would let it go this once. Get yourself a big glass of wine.

My DH has got jobs through "a pint after work", for what that's worth.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Fri 28-Jun-13 19:00:39

Can you clarify the timeline a bit? It reads from your OP like he said he would be in after 7pm but you posted at 6:50. confused

littlepeas Fri 28-Jun-13 19:01:13

In 2 minds here - I have 3dc under 5 and a dh who works long hours with lots of work related social/networking commitments, so really understand how you feel. But I wouldn't be too worried about this if it's a one off - is it really worth the potential argument? I think it's better to be gracious about it myself. If he does it every Friday then that's different as he is missing out on valuable time with the dc.

Nikabilla Fri 28-Jun-13 19:01:21

Ledkr - no he's not home yet. I'm letting the DC stay up until he arrives so he can put them to bed grin

Nikabilla Fri 28-Jun-13 19:02:05

Sorry I meant returned my call, not returned.

Keeping them up is silly. If you are tired. get them in bed and pour yourself a glass of wine/make a cup of tea/whatever. Give yourself a bit of time to relax and maybe you'll resent his few drinks a bit less. And yes, arrange to go out yourself next week.

LineyRunner Fri 28-Jun-13 19:05:53

So he's not home yet?

MissStrawberry Fri 28-Jun-13 19:12:26

You take a lie in the morning as you need the rest.

Squitten Fri 28-Jun-13 19:14:50

Get the kids into bed and relax. Tell your DH that he can give you a nice long lie in to make up for letting you down tonight.

As long as it's not a regular shirking of home responsibilities, it's not worth having a row over.

Nikabilla Fri 28-Jun-13 19:20:38

He's just come home and is putting DC to bed, I've been nice, you have all saved me a row, thank you!

FredFredGeorge Fri 28-Jun-13 19:29:43

How did he "know" you needed him home early? Did you say to him, can you be back early today please? Or were you saying "I've had a really hard day..."

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 19:36:58

It's amazing how important this can be. There are days when I'm counting the minutes. My dp gets home at 6.30 - and I negotiated that back from 7 so we coud all eat together. But a few months ago he and his colleagues started an after work Friday drinks thing - for work reasons, and I do understand its useful for them, and I don't feel I c an be the nagging her indoors who bans him for going, and he doesn't stay late or get roaring drink or anything. But GOD it pisses me off.

I work too, but I'm freelance so I'm the one who has to be flexible and stop work early, do school runs, do tea, deal with stroppy kids, every single day. Friday nights when you've had that all week are when you're just about ready to go insane. It's so unfair!

LadyBigtoes Fri 28-Jun-13 19:40:03

I also let them stay up for him to put to bed. I'm doing it now. Seems reasonable to me (I wouldn't do it if they wanted to go to bed, that would be mean. But who has kids that want to go to bed!!??? confused)

Chunderella Fri 28-Jun-13 19:57:35

Yanbu in the slightest, but it probably was the more practical solution to not kick off. As long as you arrange a lie in tomorrow it's all good.

Pilgit Fri 28-Jun-13 22:10:34

So he knew you were having a bad day, finishes early on a Friday and chose to ignore your need for help and go to the pub. Now I completely understand the need for drinks with colleagues BUT that does not trump your partner needing help. Especially as the children don't see much of him during the week. It would really bug me and I have to admit I probably wouldn't have been nice about it (but I'm a card carrying bitch). FWIW I grew up with a dad who we saw at 6.30 in the morning when he brought tea round and then not till 8 in the evening (at the earliest) because he worked or was out drinking. It left us feeling like we were second (or third, or forth) on his list of priorities - it was very sad and it left its mark. So if this is more than a one off he needs to have a long hard look at himself and reassess his priorities - it's not what you say it's what you do (dad always said we were is top priority but I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times we were actually put first and then it was always about the sacrifices he had made to be there so it was always tainted).

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