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To either not to go the party or expect adults not to smoke around my toddler

(136 Posts)
Lulututu Fri 28-Jun-13 15:16:51

I haven't been on in a while but I am hoping I can have some opinions as to whether I am expecting too much or been abit precious...

So my mum is hosting a baby shower for my sil....apparently it's going to be nice weather Sunday it may be held in the garden. Most of my family smoke as do sil's family and friends and I am quite fussy about smoking around my toddler. There's the obvious don't make around her indoors....but when its outdoors my mum thinks I am been fussy expecting people not to smoke around her 'as it evaporates after 10 seconds'.

So my mum has stated that she wants sil family to feel welcome so they will be allowed to smoke wherever they want outside in the small garden. I don't want my toddler running in and out of people's smoke and I can't expect her to sit still for 2-3 hours or sit indoors when all the action is outdoors so I am thinking about not taking her? Tbh I am so annoyed my mum is not bothered about my daughters health I am considering not going myself....

I asked my mum is she would have her guests smoke at the side of the house or similar in a designated smoking area...that way I don't have to worry about my toddler breathing in the smoke as i would make sure she didn't go play over there but this idea was laughed at as apparently I can't expect my lo to live in a bubble.

I just find it really awful that people would even want to smoke sat near a toddler she isn't newborn but she still has developing lungs and its gives me a headache sat near passive smoke so I don't want her exposed to it even if it is outside. Of course I can't keep my child in a bubble but I just think family, especially GP's should be abit more understanding about me not wanting a family party to have smoking around children.

So AIBU to not take my little girl with me as even though its a 'family/child friendly' party I don't see nowt it is if everyone is puffing away around her and my mum won't consider a 'smoking area'. When I told my mum I was considering not taking my daughter she said 'well what do u think is more important, X mixing with her family or you been fussy about abit of smoke' my answer to that was that 'if my family are so bothered about seeing my daughter they will hold off on the ciggies or smoke away from her while she is at the party'

I am not anti-smoking...most of my friends smoke...they just know not to do it near children.

Opinions much appreciated as no matter how I try and explain the dangers of passive smoking in children to my mum she thinks I am ridiculous as long as its not blown in her face!

Thanks :-)

Blessyou Sat 29-Jun-13 11:01:02

I would feel exactly the same, and not take her and probably only stay a short time myself.
I don't get the it's OUTSIDE comments...if I can smell it, which I can, it stinks, then I am breathing in the particles, which are toxic. I wouldn't be too happy about living near a factory pumping out toxic fumes that I could smell outside either.

EstelleGetty Sat 29-Jun-13 11:49:01

I smoke and I wouldn't do it near non-smokers, outside or not. I would feel much more at ease with a separate area with ashtrays off to the side, rather than being in among everyone else.

mrsjay Sat 29-Jun-13 11:55:24

I smoke and I wouldn't do it near non-smokers, outside or not. I would feel much more at ease with a separate area with ashtrays off to the side, rather than being in among everyone else.

I would too I wouldnt smoke in somebodies face and I would slink off to a smoking area, smoking is vile we all know that and why should a toddler have to breathe it in,

CaptainUndercrackers Sat 29-Jun-13 12:26:14

bowlersarm well it seems that the OP is only concerned about this particular party when it comes to her family smoking. When I was a smoker I would have avoided smoking around kids, and I think it's quite reasonable to have a smoking area in the garden rather than people doing it everywhere. If her family can't make that very small adjustment then I think they're the ones being precious. The dangers of passive smoking are well documented, and so what if the effects are cumulative? Why should children have to be around it at all?

CockBollocks Sat 29-Jun-13 12:30:43

I wouldn't go tbh.

I'm sure most smokers (ex smoker here) wouldn't mind sitting in a smoking 'area' they have to do that everywhere else.

ApocalypseThen Sat 29-Jun-13 12:32:54

I think the idea of having a smoking baby shower party is simply bizarre.

TheToysAreALIVEITellThee Sat 29-Jun-13 12:34:30

Apocalypse, you make that sound like the theme of the party. Im pretty sure it will just a baby shower with people attending who happen to be smokers

HeySoulSister Sat 29-Jun-13 12:37:46

Smoke from the 'smoking area' can still blow into other areas.... You won't ever be away from it

ApocalypseThen Sat 29-Jun-13 12:38:48

Well it sounds more smoker than pregnant woman friendly to me. Smoking around pregnant women - at an event to celebrate the pregnancy and insisting that it ain't no party without free smokin' is bizarre to me.

If I were invited to a baby shower, I'd assume it was a non-smoking event. I'd make the same assumption about a toddler birthday party too.

Pigsmummy Sat 29-Jun-13 13:06:00

I went to a garden party last year, me and another lady heavily pregnant were happy that people made a point if stepping away when they lit up, it's that simple to me, they should.

Take your child and try to keep away from people when they light up. If it doesn't work then leave. No one wants a face full of smoke, just because you are outside doesn't mean that it magically disappears.

ZZZenagain Sat 29-Jun-13 13:12:03

If they are occasional smokers, they probably do think about where they smoke but heavy smokers will probably smoke around your dc.because they are outdoors they will assume the smoke is not harming anyone if they think about it at all. In dh's family there are some heavy smokers and it is anightmare for me, I hate smoke. But to them if a window is tilted open somewhere, they wouldn't see the problem in smoking and certainly not outdoors. I don't think when people are heavy smokers they even take in anymore how unpleasant it is or how much smoke there is in a room. THey genuinely don't seem to notice the smell either.

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