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AIBU?

ex husband out on lash, ask my mother to have boys, and she says yes!

20 replies

freedom567 · 28/06/2013 13:21

I know I'm not being unreasonable....but just wanted to rant....there's a beautiful garden party happening near me - tickets from £75 (which is fine) what isn't fine is that he has 20k debt, has handed in is resignation (with no job to go to), and has asked my mother to look after our children so that he can go to this party (I shall be at work). so that's £75, plus the booze that he will drink - probably another £50, plus taxi's each way - another £40....£165....I'm all up for people being able to have fun but this is taking the pixx - I balance books every month to ensure bills are paid, the roof stays over our heads, and couldn't do 'something nice' with the kids last weekend because I couldn't have afforded it (only bowling / swimming - it only costs less than £15)......njaiflheifhuaerfhuiaelnvsdvnuirleahuwlarndbuiraehio;ah sorry - like I said just wanted to rant!

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kotinka · 28/06/2013 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cjel · 28/06/2013 13:23

rant away, frustration rules it will bite him oneday|!!

YouTheCat · 28/06/2013 13:24

That would be a massive deal breaker for me. What a selfish twat.

hellsbellsmelons · 28/06/2013 13:48

He's your ex???
Why are you worried about his debts?
Do they affect you?
Confused.com

BadgersNadgers · 28/06/2013 13:54

As long as he pays maintenance how is the financial side any of your business?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 28/06/2013 13:54

Does he pay his fair share towards his children or is this being done while he dodges his responsibilities?

MaxPepsi · 28/06/2013 13:58

You don't mention that he's not paying maintenance which makes it sound like he does, so therefore I don't understand what business it is of yours what he does or doesn't do with his money.

How do you know he's even paying for his day out himself?

And why is it a problem that he's asked your mum? Is she only allowed to look after them when you need her to?

BeccasBridesmaid · 28/06/2013 14:29

I don't think it's what he does or doesn't pay that is upsetting the OP, it's the fact that he's being irresponsible with his money, whilst she is really careful and still can't afford to do nice things with her kids. It may be a fact of life, but it can be upsetting sometimes. I feel a little miffed when I hear about my ex going on holidays to America or blowing money on the latest iphone/pad/pod, when he only pays the absolute bare minimum maintenance and not a penny more, and I can't afford a weekend away with my DS.

Although it is up to the ex what he does with his money, I do sympathize OP. It can be very unfair sometimes. And I think it's cheeky of him to ask your Mum to have the children, if it's supposed to be his turn. He could have maybe rearranged his weekend with you instead. I understand your frustration!

freedom567 · 28/06/2013 14:31

erm hello -I thought this was my rant.....we live the the marital home still, which is on the market, we both pay into the pot, my issues are long standing - he has put the house at risk previously, he has put our business at risk previously....and I HAVE BAILED it out both times, due to wanting a roof over mine and my childrens head for some reason - god knows why - why would anyone want a roof over their heads............so yes his debts do affect me at the moment, we have a charging order on the house....meanwhile nnvd;aofndaofnao;fneao;fna;......and maxpepsi - I've seen the receipt in his name with his cc details on, because he is such a twat that he left it out, I have no issue with her looking after the kids - what I have an issue with is that she is looking after them in order for him to go on a jolly - not IMPROVE life in anyway,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

OP posts:

freedom567 · 28/06/2013 14:33

thanks beccasbridesmaid - you've hit the sentiments just right....x

OP posts:

prissyenglisharriviste · 28/06/2013 14:33

I think it's great that your children's father is still in contact with their grandmother on your side, and that they are friendly enough that he can ask her to mind the kids whilst he is out.

Sounds fantastic.

I get that you are pissed he is going out, but as long as he pays maintenance, it's fuck all to do with you where he goes, really.

I can't get worked up about it, and neither should you.

If he was farming them out to the local drug den whilst he disappeared on a bender for days, sure. But he asked your mum to have them. Sounds ideal.

prissyenglisharriviste · 28/06/2013 14:36

X post.

He just sounds like a loser on the money front. One night not going out isn't going to stop him being a loser in that way.

And the kids will be fine.

You can be cross with him for being shit with cash, but I think it's great that however shit he is with cash, he obviously maintains relationships well enough and ensures his kids are safe.

PattieOfurniture · 28/06/2013 14:36

Your mother? Why is she enabling him to do that? Ask her not to have dc for him

BoysAreLikeDogs · 28/06/2013 14:37

Well you didn't tell us that from the outset did you? Folk can't intuit.

On the new info supplied yanbu.

DamnBamboo · 28/06/2013 14:38

Who owns your house? Him, you, joint? Are you divorced? Does he pay maintenance?

catsmother · 28/06/2013 14:40

When I was a single mum, my mum hardly ever babysat for me - there was always an (obvious) excuse of one sort or another. Consequently, knowing how reluctant (couldn't be bothered) she could be, I'd save any requests for real emergencies - and even then couldn't be assured of her support. My ex - who, like many non resident dads - would only see our child a minority of the time (his choice) did, on a number of occasions, also ask my mum to babysit - when he should have been relishing the time spent with his child - and that was for social reasons, not last minute emergencies or anything. And she did it.

It used to infuriate me - and was extremely hurtful. Infuriate because my ex had the vast majority of the month in which to go out without any sort of babysitter required - and I therefore felt he was "using up" my mum's goodwill (what little she had) .... and hurtful because my mum would help him out but not me !

So yes OP I can see where you're coming from.

TiredFeet · 28/06/2013 15:24

rant away. he sounds desperately irresponsible with money. that is a huge amount of money to splurge on just one night out at the best of times, let alone when facing an uncertain financial future. you sound well rid of him though!

TheDetective · 28/06/2013 15:41

He sounds like a complete twat from what you write.

YANBU.

He shouldn't be asking your mother! My ex does similar, and it pisses me off incredibly. My mum feels she can't say no to him to 'keep the peace'.

I get it, and I'd be raging (beyond that really!) too.

aldiwhore · 28/06/2013 16:09

YANBU to rant, and I can't really comment on your situation as the whole things sounds pretty unbearable. Probably on both sides too.

I just hope you can fully part very soon, so you no longer have to worry about his issues.

You need to have a chat with your mum I think, she could have always said she couldn't have the children.

freedom567 · 02/07/2013 13:22

thanks all for reading.....like I said I was only ranting....and of course I'd rather my mother have the children than anyone else (if I'm working). Hopefully soon someone will buy our house I can move on with my life...he told me what a nice time he'd had on Sunday evening...'great' I said, 'oh by the way have you heard about your job interview yet' I said.....'mmm yes they are still mulling it over' he said - that will be a no then - as most of us understand it! Happy days - well nearly anyway! xx

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