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to ask you to tell me to get a grip!!!!

(57 Posts)

Ok this is my first ever post....

Im sat on my sofa crying my heart out and I need to get a grip!!!!

My dad went into hospital 4 weeks ago for a heart operation. . He was meant to be home after 5 days...

The op went well but he suffered some major complications and is now on life support it has come as such a massive massive shock and im not coping well.... he is awake but he had a stroke 3 days ago.... he has had a tracheostomy fitted so cant talk but I can lip read most of what he says...

Ive just got home after spending all day with him.... all he keeps saying is please dont leave me.. why am I here and is crying...

Me and my mum had a meeting with the consultant yesterday and they are now trying him on the last antibiotics that they can and if they dont work there is nothing else they can do and will look at making him comfortable and turnung off support so he will pass away...

My grandma my dads mum is 91 and very switched on she hasnt been to see my dad as she is in a home and I hadnt told her how poorly he was... she had a fall yesterday and was unconscious I was with her at the time and went in the ambulance with her but have been told she hasnt long left...

I also broke up with my partner of 11 years a month ago I just dont know how much more I can take!!!

If anyone has got to the end please pour yourself a massive glass of wine xxxx

SueDoku Fri 28-Jun-13 14:36:05

Oh you have all my sympathy OP - I've been there & it's horrible. flowers By the way, don't feel guilty if you feel relieved when your Dad does die - I beat myself up over that for months, but it's a perfectly natural reaction when someone you love has been suffering so much. Take care of yourself.

mouseymummy Fri 28-Jun-13 13:17:32

I really feel for you, I was in a similar place 6 years ago, my gran was very ill and coming towards the end of her life, my aunt was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer and in the middle of it all, my ex walked out on me. It was a fucking awful time.

What you said upthread really struck a chord with me. When ny aunt had passed away, I felt very guilty for a good few months after as the day before I had finally said outloud, 'i wish her suffering was over'. It wasnt until her dd said something similar I realised that I had nothing to feel guilty for. Looking back now, it was a perfectly normal reaction.

Take all the time you need to go back into tour dad, people who have strokes often get confused and need a little extra reassurance.

Keep posting Xx

With grandma now..... poor love the doctors have said she wont last much longer so ill have a couple more hours with her then trek back to the other side of the hospital to my dad.... xx

specialsubject Fri 28-Jun-13 12:51:28

it is an awful cliche, but grief is the price for love - and love makes it worthwhile. You can't see that at the moment and it will be quite some time.

there are no rules, no need for a grip - just look after yourself, don't be afraid to cry and take all the offers of help that are there.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 12:38:50

Oh, OK. NICU were fab, we stayed around the clock (between us) for 3 months, others did too. Maybe they are more understanding on NICU?

I hope he starts to respond to the AB's soon x

How is your Grandma today? Have you had a chance to visit her yet?


MrsDeVere Fri 28-Jun-13 12:30:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

We cant stay as cicu say he needs to rest which he does spoke to the consultant sgsin he doesn't look like hes responding at the moment xx

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 12:13:44

Oh love sad

Could you, your Mum & your brother be there around the clock so he feels 'safe'? We had to do that when my godson was in hospital.

Have you spoken to any of the staff? Is he responding to the AB's?

I wish we could be there to give you real hugs & sit with you

Just had to leave the ward I cant bare it... he just keeps asking me to take him home. ... he says the nurses are hurting him sad I actually think my heart is broken for him..because of the stroke he doesn't understand why he is there.... wibu to just run away and hide in a dark room? Xxx

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 11:21:09

fiesty - that's very sad news about your Grandma sad It's hard when they were doing OK until they had a fall, it just seems to take it out of them. I hope you can spend some time with her today and give her lots of hugs and tell her anything you want her to know x

I'm glad Sam will be happy and you are happy with him there - it makes life a lot easier.

I hope you have eaten something and had something to drink - we can't have you getting ill you know x

chillynose Fri 28-Jun-13 10:56:37

You poor thing
That is such alot to happen to you in a short space of time hmm
Breaking up of your relationship must have been so hard confused
Now your dad and grandma are both very ill at the same time
Hope that things omprove

Morning Chipping. . Shes in the same hospital they are keeping her comfortable but there is nothing they can do for her...I dont think she will get to the weekend to be honest...
Sam adores being at his dads so no worries there he will be busy building with him smile) x

ElleMcFearsome Fri 28-Jun-13 10:18:00

Dear girl, what an awful time you're having. Nothing to add to what's been said other than more <hugs> and a brew (as it's probably too early for wine) Sending blessings your way too.

Balaboosta Fri 28-Jun-13 10:16:30

Sending you very best wishes. Whatever you feel is valid - no such thing as awful! Don't add to your sadness by feeling guilt at your (perfectly understandable) feelings xxx

Earthymama Fri 28-Jun-13 10:13:07

Oh, pretty!
You feel overwhelmed because all of this is overwhelming.
I have no words of wisdom, just some love and Blessings to send your way.
You will find so much comfort in your lovely boy, when you cwtch him, remember that you and your father share that loving relationship too.
Thinking of you and your family today xx

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 28-Jun-13 10:06:43

Morning fiesty - I just wanted to send you some more love & strength to get through another day. You are going through so so much, it's draining isn't it sad

Is your Grandma in the same hospital as your Dad now or is she back at the home?

I hope your wee boy has a nice time at his Dad's... I hope you are able to be relaxed about him being with his Dad? There's nothing wrong with you still saying to your Dad that you need to go to collect Sam, it's a little white lie that wont hurt anyone if you need a bit of space.

Take care

I can honestly say I am a little overwhelmed by all your kindness.... I have been a lurker for a long time and this post really helped me last night so thank you again xxxx

BookieMonster Fri 28-Jun-13 09:50:19

Rather than a grip, how about a hand to hold? flowers
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Lots of support is here whenever you need it.

wonderingsoul Fri 28-Jun-13 09:50:00

you deffinatly dont need a grip,

your going through a very hard time, life can be so unfair, any one would be hard to deal with, but throw all three together im surrpised your doing as well as you are.

i hope your vist t oday is a good one, i shall be thinking of you today, i know its nothign really but the mn vipers are here to hold your hand and to lend an ear.

AllThatGlistens Fri 28-Jun-13 09:45:14

Sending huge hugs and flowers for you OP, you're going through an incredibly tough time. There's always, always a hand to hold here whenever you need someone.

Thinking of you and your family today x

Sorry about your dad sparky... xx

Morning Emily.... thank you so much... it gives me hopethat hes not too upset when we leave him... spoke to the nurse this morning he was a little upset in the night and kept saying he wanted to go home.. but hes asleep now..

Going to see him and my grandma in an hour xx

SparkyTGD Fri 28-Jun-13 09:37:07

So sorry, agree with others, you don't need a grip you need flowers

My DDad died at age 61 from short & sudden cancer. It was very quick, he went from being fit & active to very ill within about 4 months, shocking.

All you can do is look after yourself ( & DS), your mum & anyone else close, don't try to be a tower of strength, you are human too.

Emilythornesbff Fri 28-Jun-13 09:27:29

I'm so sorry.
You poor thing.

I have no idea whether this is helpful but I was a pt in ICU for a while. I was very ill.
It was nice to have visitors and I was scared at times but once they were gone I just slept and slept.
The gaps in between were just foggy. I never lay there feeling lonely when there was no one there. I was just tired with being poorly.
And ime staff in cicu are usually very good.

Sorry if that sounds like a clumsy thing to say.
You have so much on.

FobblyWoof Fri 28-Jun-13 09:16:29

Wow, you don't need a grip. You need a very big hug. Dealing with just one of those things must be so difficult, but all three at the same time? You need wine on tap

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