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to ask you to tell me to get a grip!!!!

(57 Posts)

Ok this is my first ever post....

Im sat on my sofa crying my heart out and I need to get a grip!!!!

My dad went into hospital 4 weeks ago for a heart operation. . He was meant to be home after 5 days...

The op went well but he suffered some major complications and is now on life support it has come as such a massive massive shock and im not coping well.... he is awake but he had a stroke 3 days ago.... he has had a tracheostomy fitted so cant talk but I can lip read most of what he says...

Ive just got home after spending all day with him.... all he keeps saying is please dont leave me.. why am I here and is crying...

Me and my mum had a meeting with the consultant yesterday and they are now trying him on the last antibiotics that they can and if they dont work there is nothing else they can do and will look at making him comfortable and turnung off support so he will pass away...

My grandma my dads mum is 91 and very switched on she hasnt been to see my dad as she is in a home and I hadnt told her how poorly he was... she had a fall yesterday and was unconscious I was with her at the time and went in the ambulance with her but have been told she hasnt long left...

I also broke up with my partner of 11 years a month ago I just dont know how much more I can take!!!

If anyone has got to the end please pour yourself a massive glass of wine xxxx

Annunziata Thu 27-Jun-13 21:34:54

Oh honey. You don't need a grip, that really sounds very hard.

Have you had something to eat? You need to take care of yourself.


Thank you.. I have eaten with my mum... its just si bloody sad I don't know what to do with myself xxx

Eddiethehorse Thu 27-Jun-13 21:37:01

Go and be with your dad and gran...big hugsxx

I cant go back tonight I have a little boy who is fast asleep xx

Eddiethehorse Thu 27-Jun-13 21:42:40

Well go and give him a cuddle, get some rest and be super mum/grand/daughter tomorrow. They all know you love them, I'm sure! Xx

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 27-Jun-13 21:46:46


It's not a grip you need, it's a bloody big <<<HUG>>>

That's a hell of a lot to be going through sad

Can your sons Dad not have him for a few days?

Hi chipping he is having him tomorrow and Saturday... its hard because if im brutally honest I almost like that I can tell my dad I have to go because I need to pick sam up he is in cardiac intensive care unit and it is bloody intensive smile

And do you know whats even more honest..... I wish that if hes going to die I want him to die now... he is in so much pain and is so confused because of the stroke... and its just so heart breaking to see him distressed.... that is the most awful thing to type... I am awful!!!!

Madlizzy Thu 27-Jun-13 21:52:10

You need kindness, not to get a grip. xxx

spangledboots Thu 27-Jun-13 21:53:37

You just need a big hug and someone to help you stay strong. My heart goes out to you. xx

IwishIwasmoreorganised Thu 27-Jun-13 21:56:00

That's not an awful thing to type.

It is heartbreaking to see someone who you love so dearly dearly be in distress like that.

You have such a lot to cope with at the moment. Do you have any other family or friends that you can talk to and who can help to support you and your Mum at such a tough time?

Thank you... im trying to be strong for my mum.. I have a brother and it is horrific for him as dad doesn't recognise him since the stroke life really is cruel at times xxx

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 27-Jun-13 21:57:38


I don't think it's an awful thing to type. I think many of us understand

You poor old thing

travellingwilbury Thu 27-Jun-13 21:58:25

Here , get a grip on this wine

It is hard (understatement I know ) you will be ok but you are allowed to have a wee breakdown in the meantime .

I have an amazing small group of friends that I have known most of my life and they are great but very busy with their families/ work but they are keeping there eyes on me smile thank you for all your kindness....

Mumsnet rocks smile xx

youarewinning Thu 27-Jun-13 22:00:52

Agree you need a ((hug)) not a grip.

As for wanting him to die now if it's inevitable - that is NOT a horrid thing to say.
It happened to us (my Nan in February). Once they said no hope, withdrew medication and put her on a DNR the next 8 days were heartbreaking for her as well as us. (she wasn't on life support).
NO-ONE wants to see their loved ones suffering - wishing your dad peace and being honest about it is a very brave thing to do.

I really hope you get some positive news soon.


crazykat Thu 27-Jun-13 22:25:07

It's not an awful thing to say and I understand completely. I don't want to hijack but I lost my nan 18 months ago out of the blue and 7 months ago my mum was told she had 3 months left. Thankfully she's still hanging in and not too bad but I dread when she gets worse.

There's few things worse than seeing someone you love so much suffering especially when you know they won't get better. Big hugs, my thoughts are with you and your mum xxx

imademarion Thu 27-Jun-13 22:30:55

You poor love. What an unspeakable time you are having.

Nothing to add other than just let yourself feel whatever you have to; don't try and be stoic or brave, and got to bits if you need to.

And get into bed with your wee one; those cuddles are always a light in the darkness.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 27-Jun-13 22:32:15

Oh love, that's not at all's kind and thoughtful - you don't want him to suffer sad

Nor is it awful that you tell your Dad you have to go to collect Sam - it is hard being in CICU and seeing someone you love so much, in such a bad way.

Look after yourself, take any and all offers of help & support.

magimedi Thu 27-Jun-13 22:33:32

You need hugs, not grips ,& I am sending you a big hug right now.


Take care. Try to eat if you can but above all try to drink & keep hydrated.

HeffalumpTheFlump Thu 27-Jun-13 22:39:28

So sorry for what you are going through. You definitely don't need to get a grip, you need to give yourself a break. It's ok to feel completely shit at times like this. You sound like you are doing a great job supporting your family at this awful time. I really really feel for you. flowers

Kleptronic Thu 27-Jun-13 22:40:38

Eat properly.
Drink water.
Sleep as much as you can.
Cry, better out than in.
Any feelings are ok, anything you have to do is ok - you don't have a script for this, no-one would or should.
Keep talking - I'm glad you've got RL friends.
Keep posting - here be luffly vipers.
Have a big fat fuckoff <HUG>

Thank you all so much you are all very kind.. and its helped to write it down and say the thing that I could never say out loud. ...


Sorry about your nan crazy xx

Wolfiefan Thu 27-Jun-13 22:49:19

You so don't need to get a grip. You need support and sympathy. I'm so sorry you are going through this. As for what you feel you can't admit in RL? That you don't want him to suffer? How is that awful? It is awful to see someone in pain. Thinking of you.

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