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to not want neice to stay at ours

(276 Posts)
ReflectingKites Thu 27-Jun-13 16:59:49

NC because this may identify me and I don't want RL people to read my previous posts.

Right, my neice is at some kind of summer school/camp thing in Leeds Monday to Friday next week. Her mum (DSISIL) is driving her up on Monday morning. She's due to pick her up on Friday but DSISIL is now saying that this will mean she has to take Friday off work and she can't do that (for some reason about not having enough hours and needing to take it as unpaid leave).

So, she suggested that we (that's me and DP, no kids) pick up my our neice on Friday, have her at ours on Friday night and then DSISIL will pick her up on Saturday afternoon.

So you know, we live about 30 miles from Leeds, we don't drive and we don't have children of our own. Neice is 7 years old.

I really don't want this to happen because a) I actually don't like my neice very much, b) I have no idea how to entertain a 7 yo child, and c) I don't want to have my Friday night and Saturday morning taken over my looking after this child. I don't mind DSISIL and her daughter coming over for a bit on Friday evening after she's picked up her daughter.

DP agrees with me but is of the opinion 'what can we do?' because he doesn't want to cause a row with his family. My perspective is that his sister is a selfish cow who continually dumps on people because she can't organise and sort out her own life. If we don't want to look after her daughter over night then we shouldn't feel forced to. If his parents and sister don't like it then fuck 'em. We never ask them to do anything for us that they don't want to and would never dream of it.

AIBU about this? I think I might be being a bit precious about my Friday night but I work fucking hard all week and I resent having part of my weekend stolen!!

Will try to update but my home internet is on the blink (no smartphone!) so it may have to wait until tomorrow.

maddening Thu 27-Jun-13 17:24:40

Well it's between your dp and his sister.

Personally I would do it and maybe ask for travel costs.

Get some dvds and have pizza.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 27-Jun-13 17:24:57

Oh and I think she is being massively rude in asking - 30 miles when you don't have a car is a long way & a hassle - let alone having a child overnight who, presumably, doesn't even know you that well.

Dilidali Thu 27-Jun-13 17:26:25

This all relates to 'I don't like her' she is stealing my friday evening btw.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Thu 27-Jun-13 17:27:25

Especially when she's only 7 and has been away for a full week already...

...actually... this is sounding less and less believable.

If your DH wants it done to keep the peace - fine - let him do it and you go out with your friends. Job done.

RussiansOnTheSpree Thu 27-Jun-13 17:30:49

I think the people who are implying it's perfectly reasonable to ask someone to do a 60 mile round trip on public transport on a Friday afternoon/evening either never travel on public transport or live in London.


SingingSands Thu 27-Jun-13 17:33:09

From the tone of your post you sound quite unpleasant.

Poor niece, she's done nothing wrong here and you've pegged her as an annoying burden, out to sabotage your weekend.

The distance to travel is enough of a reason not to ask you, but maybe your SIL is really stuck? Do you ever help anybody else out, because from the tone and language you use in your post I would guess not.

SingingSands Thu 27-Jun-13 17:34:56

The OP doesn't live in London, Russian.

nemno Thu 27-Jun-13 17:35:55

I'd do it. And have done similar many times.

It might seem daunting OP but you and your husband may surprise yourselves and enjoy having her more by herself than with your DSIL around. The close relationships I have with my adult nieces was definitely worth a bit of inconvenience in the past.

gymboywalton Thu 27-Jun-13 17:37:33

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

EskSmith Thu 27-Jun-13 17:38:17

She is your niece, it is one day - this is what being part of a family is like.
You do sound faintly pathetic about your Friday night to be frank.

A 7 year old is very easy to look after, although with the attitude you've displayed towards her in your post I'm not sure she would want to stay with you?

All this being said as it is your DH's sister then you can make him assume responsibility - problem solved.

shoofly Thu 27-Jun-13 17:39:59

How far away does SIL live from the camp/ pick up place? Can she not take a half day/ drive up after work? How does she think you will collect her child?

I can understand someone who doesn't have children not wanting to give up part of their weekend to look after a child they don't particularly like to help out their mother who it sounds as if you don't like.

I just don't understand how she has booked something so far away from home for a 7 year old with no means of collecting them. It sounds to me, as if she fancies a Friday night off and a chilled out
t Saturday morning while someone else looks after. but herr child. That's ok - I quite fancy that myself[grins]

dufflefluffle Thu 27-Jun-13 17:40:39

I don't think OP should have to do this if she is unhappy doing so. If DSISIL had bothered establishing/encouraging a relationship between niece/aunt/uncle then it would be a different story. Also DSISIL should have worked this all out when she booked it (as most people would)
On the other hand OP it is such a relief when your children have relatives who will step into the beech as such and entertaining a seven year old girl should be easy enough - pizza and a dvd or shopping or painting nails or colouring. I'm a bit sorry for the niece who, having been shipped off for a week at the tender age of seven is then expected to go and stay with rellies she hardly knows and who don't like or want her. My DD would be heartbroken after 4 nights apart if I didn't turn upsad

Triumphoveradversity Thu 27-Jun-13 17:41:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RussiansOnTheSpree Thu 27-Jun-13 17:42:10

singing sands I know she doesn't. She lives somewhere where the public transport is significantly worse than it is in London. In London a 60 mile round trip to fetch a small relative might be just about reasonable, if you live near enough a main line to one of the big terminus stations (Victoria, Paddington, Liverpool Street) and that station is near where the relative is going to be. In Yorkshire.......not so much. It might not even be a question of trains. It might be buses. Have you any idea how horrendous such a journey could potentially be? How long it could take?

I'm guessing not.

Wholetthedogin Thu 27-Jun-13 17:42:52

I would travel to the other end of the country and back again, on public transport, to help out my SIL and nephews.

But then I love my nephews and I understand how difficult it is working and trying to organise childcare.


RussiansOnTheSpree Thu 27-Jun-13 17:44:29

whole You'd do that if the SIL couldn't be arsed to take time off work to do it herself? Really?

BridgetBidet Thu 27-Jun-13 17:44:51

I think anybody who says they 'don't like' their seven year old niece is probably not a very nice person.

YANBU because I think someone who has such an unpleasant attitude towards a child probably shouldn't be looking after then.

I think your DP also shows a very unpleasant attitude towards his family.

If I were you I wouldn't bother having kids, neither of you is cut out for it.

ENormaSnob Thu 27-Jun-13 17:44:52

Theres no way i would ask this of my child free none driving sister.

I think sil has been unfair.

HerRoyalNotness Thu 27-Jun-13 17:45:44

How many other weekends have you given up for this neice? Every other weekend? Once every 6 months? None?

I'd do it. I wouldn't see it as a hardship. I'd see it as one time I'm helping out family, and perhaps getting to know my niece a little more on a one-to-one basis. Who knows, perhaps you'll even dislike her a little less?

babyhmummy01 Thu 27-Jun-13 17:46:33

to be quite honest those writing the posts saying the OP is mean selfish and self absorbed need to grow the hell up!

The OP is being upfront and honest, and the fact she doesn't like her niece quite frankly is pretty irrelevant. The fact the SIL is asking her to do a 60 mile round trip on public transport in rush hour on a Friday in Leeds is ridiculous.

Why is she doing a summer camp in term time OP? Can your SIL not arrange with someone else who is going to bring her daughter back? But quite frankly it is her child and she and her DH are the only ones who should have to put themselves out to collect their daughter.

IF the camp was 3 miles away then I would suggest as someone else has, collecting her and entertaining her til her mum drives down after she finishes work to collect her, but 30 miles is insane!!

I would simply explain that logistically it is not possible, but if SIL wants to pay for a taxi each way and then drive down after work then she is welcome to do that and you will collect your niece and look after her til mum gets there - I suspect if you were to offer this then she may suddenly find herself able to get time off work tbh

unobtanium Thu 27-Jun-13 17:46:49


Also, OP's niece might be very hard to like... OP's husband seems to concur on this point, and with a selfish mother who uses other people to do her running around this is easy to believe.

I have a really rude niece (eg, at 14, gags theatrically when you bring food to the table, never learnt please or thank you or the simple skill of eye contact and smiling)... and extremely self-centred SIL/BIL combination (eg, happy to dump niece on us for two weeks without even asking beforehand and with no hint of a thank-you, then decline to babysit ONE NIGHT for us the ONE TIME we ever asked them)... and I really sympathise.

So I feel for you OP and do not think you are destined to die all alone and unloved!

SybilRamkin Thu 27-Jun-13 17:47:41

A 60 mile round trip on a Friday night after work? YANBU!

And to those that say OP is mean for not liking her niece, it's perfectly allowable to dislike a child - do you like every child you come into contact with just because they're a child? I doubt it, especially after reading some of the threads on here about other people's brats children.

rainbowfeet Thu 27-Jun-13 17:48:30

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SingingSands Thu 27-Jun-13 17:48:57

Well I live in Leeds so I know perfectly well that it has excellent transport links, by rail and road, Yorkshire is not the back of beyond you know.

If the OPs SIL has asked, then its not inconceivable that the journey will be a horrendous nightmare, is it?

Wholetthedogin Thu 27-Jun-13 17:49:34

Russian yes I would. It's not a case of "can't be arsed to take time of work" rather tahat if you have just 6 weeks annual leave then there may not be any leave left to take. ALL my days off are carefully planned in advance, for specific reasons.

Not all employers offer the possibility of days off without pay. Mine doesn't.

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