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to give this man the flick?

(44 Posts)
drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 15:41:48

I apologise for the preamble but hate drip feeding...

I have been trying online dating... (oh joy...) and met quite a few men...but out of all of them have found one to be quite pleasant. We have met twice in a month. Both times have been great; we both talked and talked and really got on well. I find him very attractive and I think he feels the same way about me...

Now he works shifts (works for Immigration) and lives in the Sunshine Coast (I am in Brisbane but he works in Brisbane). When he is off, he goes up the coast to stay with his father where he is building a boat...

He is not a great communicator but does text from time to time. I asked him if he would give up one of his free days to spend some time for us to get to know each other under more relaxed conditions (previously met after his work which he finds stressful) and he agreed and thought it was a great idea. Now, he hasn't made this date yet...cos of his work plus he went to Melbourne (just got back two days ago).

I hadn't heard anything from him so I sent him a text basically asking him if he was still interested in meeting me or had he met someone else? If he had, well, such is life and I would survive the disappointment but being a straightforward woman, would appreciate a nod either way. Well, he replied straightaway saying that yes he still wanted to meet up with me. But he was still not in Bris and would contact me when he got back...

Yesterday, I just sent him a text regarding the amazing news re: our new Prime Minister and he replied then said he would ring me the next day as it was late and he was going to bed.

He has not rung me at all nor texted today.

I do not understand this at all. I have been out of the dating game a long time, true...but surely this is not on? Why say he is still interested in me but act like he isn't?

Why such twattish behaviour? This is driving me crazy and I really don't need this right now as going through some other batshit stuff.

Should I just give this man the flick? The annoying thing is ...he is the most promising man in terms of looks, intelligence, etc of the lot (and I have met a lot...) and a small part of me doesn't want to flick him orf because I feel like I won't meet anyone half way normal again...which is a stupid reason I know grin.

Please MN, help me...

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 15:47:05

It's boats, I'm afraid.

Unless you're a sailing freak or boat person, I'd walk away now. You're always going to be second best to a nice piece of mahogany.

drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 15:48:16

It is a vair speshul boat too apparently...building it from scratch from plans from the 1920s...

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 15:49:31

Oh Gawd

Third place to a nice piece of mahogany and a piece of weathered teak then.

helenthemadex Thu 27-Jun-13 15:49:31

leave it to him to contact you, and go back to looking

drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 15:49:58

And he used to be in the Navy...

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 15:51:18

I'm sure he's a heck of a nice guy but be realistic. When they get the boat obsession they're not reasonable on anything else.

drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 15:52:09

Thing is...I have found the whole looking malarkey too depressing...

I just cannot be doing with it at the moment...

I am not contacting him again. I was clear and friendly and left it open for him to say not interested... as I said that would have been disappointing but I would have survived.

Aaargh...this whole dating thing is so fecking hard!

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 15:53:36


ie - It's a wet and stormy winter night, you've got a roaring fire going for a cozy evening in, some excellent booze lined up and you're looking like a million dollars.

What is his mind on?

His mooring of course.

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 15:55:14

PPS - Don't despair - he probably thinks you're wonderful! It's just.........................*boats*.

drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 15:55:44


why do I get this feeling that you speak with experience cozietoesie?

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 15:56:48


drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 15:57:24

He was surprised at how well we got on actually...we both had (unbeknown to each other) allocated half an hour to our first meeting but talked non-stop for 2 hours without realisng the time, making us both late for our other appointments.

That has never happened before.

I don't understand just sail in them right?

dopeysheep Thu 27-Jun-13 16:00:01

Thing is if you say "just say if you are not interested" then it means he can't just keep you on the back burner for when he can drag himself away from the boat.
It's all on his terms, isn't it?
I can't understand why a boat plans from almost a hundred years ago would be.preferable to something built with the benefit of modern technology. But I know nothing about boats and this irrelevant anyway.

I think if he can't be arsed to give you some time and effort now when it's all new and exciting, he's really not worth it. Sorry.

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 16:00:18

Get him on the subject and you'll soon find out.

Just say 'I'd love to work on really good wood just once in my life' and see what happens.

And please never say I didn't warn you.


Ahh...cozietoesie knows of what she speaks. Can you talk unendingly about futtocks, scuppers, rollocks and the difficulties of being on the hard? If not you will have to get cracking on the terminology and adjust your tolerance levels to accept the interminable tedium of listening to him rattle on interminably about all things salty and seamanly.

This process can take some time but once you have got there you will have many years of delight ahead of you...unless you go stark staring mad in the first few weeks.

Yours sincerely

A boatwife.

digerd Thu 27-Jun-13 16:06:08

He is interested, but not as much as his boat, it seems. Forget him.

drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 16:19:06

Thanks so much for your posts.

I kinda knew that.

All he does is work and work on his boat. On his FB,his friends post stuff like enjoy life, stop working so hard, and stop being so serious. He doesn't post anything himself.

My FB is full of friends posting what we get up to - a lot!! Fun stuff. I enjoy my life.

Oh why does he have to be so cute? Tall, handsome, own hair and teeth, well-read, clever, etc etc

Fecking Boats!angry

cozietoesie Thu 27-Jun-13 16:28:39

Having said all which - if you got infected as well, the pair of you could be as happy as a couple of hogs in a wallow.


drfayray Thu 27-Jun-13 16:30:31

My thing is Tango...

Mandy2003 Thu 27-Jun-13 17:09:25

Have you ever seen the early NCIS? Greater love have no man than for that boat!

drfayray Fri 28-Jun-13 01:28:24

I am going to forget the sailor.

No point stressing over someone who just is not bothered.

Disappointing but perhaps best now than later?

Thanks to those who posted. Much appreciated!

cronullansw Fri 28-Jun-13 01:33:39

You can't give him your man the flick, as he quite clearly is not your man.

You are not in a relationship.

Idocrazythings Fri 28-Jun-13 01:36:34

Would it be mean to say "there are plenty of fish in the sea"? grin

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out the way you wanted.

Mimishimi Fri 28-Jun-13 01:47:18

Don't give him the flick but don't spend too much energy contacting him now either ... You've made your interest clear. If he's interested, let him do the chasing. Good luck smile

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