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To want her to stop asking (and I have already asked her!)

(65 Posts)
Souredstones Thu 27-Jun-13 13:01:46

Colleague of mine has, just now, asked me for the umpteenth time when I will be announcing a new arrival. I'm not pregnant and struggling with ttc and its driving me mad.

Her justification is that I am a newly wed and its expected of me now to have another baby (desperately want one)

She's making me really angry now with her constant asking

All strategies welcome (as long as stabbing her with a pen isn't one...I'm considering that one now)

Dontlookbehindyou Sat 29-Jun-13 09:41:10

Congratulations on your bfp!
I'm always being asked when ill be having a little brother or sister for ds (2) I just tell then the truth and they shut up pretty quick and never ask again.
If love another one but can't have any more or it'll put me in a wheelchair, it wouldn't be fair on ds or the hypothetical new baby.

ChasedByBees Sat 29-Jun-13 09:32:06

Yay for BFP!! I didn't want to ask outright after this thread. grin

Good idea to have a word with your line manager.

Souredstones Sat 29-Jun-13 08:33:36

I think I will have a word with my line manager if she doesn't stop it. But I will feel a bit of a mug when I start to show! grin

Yeah I'm still on a high from my bfp.

greenfolder Fri 28-Jun-13 20:51:59

oohhh fingers crossed!

however, if you share a line manager- tell them to tell her to stfup

i am indeed a line manager and i have twice had to tell busy bodies who should know better to butt out of these kind of converstations.

that is one thing you never ask or refer to in any way shape or form.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 28-Jun-13 20:29:11

"Stop fucking asking me, trust me, when i get pregnant, you will be the last to know"

Roshbegosh Fri 28-Jun-13 20:27:50

You have to work together though, I think a less confrontational way than Hecsy's would be better. You can be blunt and clear without threatening her.

Shitsinger Fri 28-Jun-13 20:24:24

"Its none of your business, repeat, repeat ,repeat ...

ChasedByBees Fri 28-Jun-13 20:19:22

Oooh!! Doesn't want to assume.... But ooh!

Just to be absolutely clear - what are you hoping sticks?

Souredstones Fri 28-Jun-13 19:45:30

I am loving these responses and will have to put them into use...saying that...guess what we got yesterday...

Here's hoping it sticks and runs the course!

I'm still going to give her a mouthful if she asks again though!!

ZillionChocolate Fri 28-Jun-13 17:57:21

Midnight Scribbler's made me laugh.

If it were the first time she'd asked, I'd have gone for "don't you think that's an intrusive question and wholly inappropriate for a colleague?". Given that she keeps on at you, be blunt.

AKissIsNotAContract Fri 28-Jun-13 17:49:26

I like Tangled's response.

wildfig Fri 28-Jun-13 17:28:22

I always wish I had that 1930s-ish dazzling polite/crushing way of saying, 'Gracious, what an odd question!' for situations like this.

Although coward that I am I sort of agree with those suggesting she may have no idea why it's an upsetting question, in which case you should probably say, 'I don't want to talk about/didn't you know pressure from other people is proven to impede conception?'. And THEN you can resort to freezing Mitfordism.

SolidGoldBrass Fri 28-Jun-13 17:17:19

Or: 'I don't answer rude, nosy questions from stupid people.' Said with a bright smile.

RalphtheTimid Fri 28-Jun-13 15:36:43

I wonder what Freud would have made of your interest in my reproductive system.
Mmm yes definitely food for thought don't you think.

Pilgit Fri 28-Jun-13 15:13:34

if you can do it effectively -burst into tears, create a scene whilst explaining loudly through the sobs that the stress of peoples expectations is a factor in stopping you being able to conceive. Alsolike threatening her with HR.

MackerelOfFact Fri 28-Jun-13 12:53:10

Tell her you only take it up the bum.

Owllady Fri 28-Jun-13 12:20:15

I'm with Mortified
I would say Piss off, it's none of your business and not interact with her further <harsh>

ivykaty44 Fri 28-Jun-13 12:18:37

Take out your camera phone and ask her to pose for the birdie - say thanks now I can print out the photo at home and show my children...she will wonder why and then she will ask why

Then you reply

well.... I shall tell my children that the reason they don't have a new brother or sister is due to you stressing me out so much and the gp thinks this stress is the root of the problems why I am not conceiving.

Oh and if you have any spare darts at home could you lend me some?

Elquota Fri 28-Jun-13 12:13:47

Another vote for throckenholt's idea. If more people did this, it might reduce the number of people who persist with these thoughtless and nosy comments.

EldritchCleavage Fri 28-Jun-13 12:08:53

My reply to a colleague who asked this was 'Why on earth would I tell you?' to which he had no answer.

Mintberry Fri 28-Jun-13 12:04:31

It sounds to me like she just doesn't realise the upset she's causing. If she's never TTC or had problems trying to conceive, she probably just associates baby-making with excitement and is completely ignorant of the stress and upset it can cause!

So, I wouldn't get aggressive with her, because I don't think she means any malice. I would just go with a neutral "I don't really want to talk about it" and then change the subject, and she'll soon get the message - you won't have to go into any uncomfortable details, either. Hopefully it will make her think about it, and she won't make this mistake again to any other women in your situation!

PorkPieandPickle Fri 28-Jun-13 11:56:23

DH and I started IVF treatment less than 2 months after getting married, and I lost count of the number of colleagues who kept asking when we'd be having children, this was when we were preparing for and going through the treatment, and afterwards in early pregnancy before we'd announced.

People who I was closer to, I just said, 'be sensible, if I had an announcement to make, I would make it wouldn't I, I wouldn't wait for someone to ask'. If I wasn't close to them, I would smile and say, 'thats a very personal question, but yes, we have a fantastic sex life, thanks for enquiring'.

Some people just do not respond to hints and need
telling bluntly. Im sorry this is happening to you, I remember how bloody hurtful and upsetting it could be some days. Good luck with TTC, I really hope that you fall lucky soon.

WoTmania Fri 28-Jun-13 11:48:17

I would do what hecsy said. Saying that you are ttc etc then gives her the opportunity to be faux-sympathetic and ask 'how it's going'

AThingInYourLife Fri 28-Jun-13 11:43:35

Is there any chance she's struggling with TTC herself and is just dreading hearing a happy announcement from you?

I can't think of any other explanation for being so obsessed by your sex life.

People know that you just don't ask about stuff like that.

Especially not at work.

I imagine HR would not look too kindly on that kind of behaviour.

Fakebook Fri 28-Jun-13 11:40:54

Start asking her every morning if she had sex the night before.

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