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AIBU to not let good friend stay at mine?

(22 Posts)
waddlecakes Wed 26-Jun-13 13:25:12

I'm going away next week (for a week).

I live in a humble but pleasant 1 bedroom flat.

My friend lives in a squalid studio.

When I told her I was going away for a week, she hinted at me letting her stay at mine while I was gone.

Knowing her, she will ask directly as the time comes round.

Is it unreasonable to say no?

I feel like such a mean bitch - it would cost me nothing (I would lose savings on water/electricity while I was gone, but who cares, it wouldn't be a lot) and could be a nice treat for her.

At the same time, it's my home, I like my privacy, and while I understand where she lives is grim, a part of me thinks she should try a bit harder to get out of where she currently is (she doesn't work) if she dislikes it that much.

If it was a case of she is homeless, it would be totally different.

WWYD? Am I being mean? How can I say no?!

koalacube Wed 26-Jun-13 13:29:27

YANBU, you have no obligation to give your house to her.

SantanaLopez Wed 26-Jun-13 13:29:38


koalacube Wed 26-Jun-13 13:30:22

Just say no and don't get drawn into reasons.

Twitterqueen Wed 26-Jun-13 13:31:11

You can say no because it's your property and her dissatisfaction with her own studio flat is not your problem nor your responsibility.

Prepare yourself by practising a pleasant "No, I'm afraid that won't be possible." And leave it at that. Don't make excuses, don't waffle on or try to make anything up. Just say it nicely and politely and then immediately change the subject.

imnotmymum Wed 26-Jun-13 13:31:23

Unless you need pet sitting or anything then no. YANBU.

WhoNickedMyName Wed 26-Jun-13 13:31:47

Of course you can say no, and that's not unreasonable at all.

If she pushes it, tell her she's welcome to stay at a rate of £49 per night (Premier Inn rates) and you'll require the money upfront.

MaxPepsi Wed 26-Jun-13 13:33:16


I wouldn't let my friends stay at my house either.

In fact, I have 3 siblings and I'd only let one of them stay but not the other 2.

How do you say no? Is it your flat or rented? If it's rented just say it's not allowed by your landlord.

ZenNudist Wed 26-Jun-13 13:33:18

Just say no. Shes Taking the p!&&

thebody Wed 26-Jun-13 13:33:42

I think I would lie and say you have your mother/ sister staying there so can't.

If you more direct then just say no.

JollyGolightly Wed 26-Jun-13 13:34:08

YANBU, and she is for hinting. If she asks outright it will be very rude. Just say no, and if that's difficult for you, have an excuse ready. Saying that rentokil will be there carrying out treatment for rats/bedbugs/cockroaches/whatever should do the trick.

expatinscotland Wed 26-Jun-13 13:35:30

Just say no. Don't give reasons. 'No, that doesn't work for me,' over and over.

WinkyWinkola Wed 26-Jun-13 13:37:19

Wtf? Who are these people? I wouldn't dream of asking to stay in someone's home whilst they were away. How cheeky!

If her place is a hole, then she should sort it out herself.

Do not feel bad for saying no. She will expect it every time you go away.

patienceisvirtuous Wed 26-Jun-13 13:39:11


Halfling Wed 26-Jun-13 13:41:19

No. Possible excuses you might give.

- Not allowed in the contract

- Boiler being replaced in absence

- Major electrical rewiring being done in your absence.

Was in a similar position when a colleague wanted his GF's niece and her 2 friends to stay in my apartment while I was going away for work.

I was a bit scared about handing over my place to a bunch of teenagers I did not know, and used the electrical rewiring excuse.

waddlecakes Wed 26-Jun-13 13:43:44

Thanks guys, didn't think it would be such a black and white NBU but...yeah! smile

Justforlaughs Wed 26-Jun-13 13:54:47

YANBU, I have to admit that I did once ask if we could stay at a friends while she was away, she lived in a holiday resort and we couldn't afford a holiday, so we paid her a small amount for the privelidge. I think she was happy with the arrangement hmm worried now! But I wouldn't ask if I could stay in a friends house because I didn't like where we lived confused that's really cheeky. Just say no.

Pigsmummy Wed 26-Jun-13 13:58:07

Say no, I have in the past let people stay at my place when I lived in central London and they could basically get a free holiday out of it but I wouldn't now. I have never been offered similar nor would I ask.

I only let my (the) best friend and my Dad stay, my drank all my booze without replacing it "because it was there", my friend (male) brought back various women and had sex with them in my bed! (and probably all over the apartment too). So this put me off.

choceyes Wed 26-Jun-13 14:09:15

YANBU. It's your house and you can do with it what you like.

However, I'm always happy to accomodate friends if they need my house to stay when we are away. A good friend of mine and DH's usually stay in our city centre house (his usual place it in the sticks) when we go away on holiday. A chance for him to visist the city centre and stay out late and not worry about getting back home and he doesn't have much spare money to go away on holiday so it's probably like a mini holiday to him. He always leaves some food or drinks for us. Last time he tuned our piano while we were away!

I have no problem with friends staying over. I have even done a Mumsnet house swap smile. I'm not precious about my personal space.

sudointellectual Wed 26-Jun-13 14:58:03

YANBU. It's your house, etc etc.

I am going away in a wee while on a much anticipated trip. On hearing this, my very dear but clearly bonkers BFF immediately asked to come and stay at my flat with her baby.

It's a one bedroom flat and my DH will be home! Mental.

carolthesecretary Wed 26-Jun-13 14:59:42



Oscalito Wed 26-Jun-13 15:04:06

YANBU. The last time we went away I did offer my house to some friends who live in the country, but I knew they would look after everything and it was my decision. They left the house spotless and lots of nice food for us. It's different if someone is asking/hinting without being offered - that would annoy me.

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