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to be utterly frustrated that even my closest friends don't get how sick I am?

(53 Posts)
MrsHuxtable Tue 25-Jun-13 20:19:24

I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my second Hyperemesis pregnancy. I've been through it before 2 years ago and my friends know this. 7 months of puking is hard to hide.

For the last 4 weeks, I've not been able to leave my bed. As soon as get up, I vomit. All I can do is lie as still as possible and wait for the days to pass. On bad days, I vomit 20 times a day and can't keep anything down, on a good day, I can eat and drink a handful of things and it will stay inside as long as I don't move.

Yet, in the last few days, I've had the following questions from close friends.

1) Are you free to meet in town for coffee?
2) Do you drop by work a lot so they know how you are?

and just know

3) Have you been at work at all last week?

I understand it's hard to comprehend how debilitating HG is if you've not had it but really? Really????

I can't walk 5 metres to the bathroom without feeling like I'm going to faint and need DH to help me take a shower every few weeks. I stink. I pray I can keep enough fluids down so I don't have to go into hospital again and you, my friend ask me if I have been at work, when my job is quite physical and involves 9 hours of standing and running around?


ImperialBlether Tue 25-Jun-13 20:24:05

You poor thing. I never suffered from anything like that and it sounds absolutely awful.

Could they see you, so that they could understand what it's like?

How are you managing with your toddler, when you can't get out of bed? I hope you have help at home.

When did it go last time? Please don't say it lasted the whole pregnancy!

AmberLeaf Tue 25-Jun-13 20:25:44

They don't get it, they think it is 'just morning sickness'

Lots of people don't get it...even my GP didn't!

Sympathies, I know how shit you are feeling.

I got metoclopromide [sp?] with my last pregnancy and that helped and I avoided hospital that time. Have you been given anything?

CaptainSweatPants Tue 25-Jun-13 20:26:39

They're just making conversation surely !
Would you rather they didn't ring?

SpooMoo Tue 25-Jun-13 20:27:03

You need to show them this post/email them what you've explained here. In a friendly easy, but just to explain what's up so they have no excuse not to understand.

Bunbaker Tue 25-Jun-13 20:27:49

I think like a lot of medical things people don't understand if they have never had to deal with it themselves. It must be so debilitating for you. What help have you had from your GP?

OHforDUCKScake Tue 25-Jun-13 20:28:08


Have any of the, had hyperemesis? If so, YANBU about them.

But those who havent, clearly care and dont want you to think you are forgotten.
They want to see you, they asked if you have been at work which is basically like asking if life has picked up yet or are you still laying horizontal suffering.

Laying there feeling shit makes you feel down, its easy to feel lost in that and project it to others, its something Im guilty of.

In fact, when my first baby was born he had incredibly abdominal pain. He cried for hours at a time with no break, and would not be able to sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, it was horrendous.

I clearly remember when he was 10 days old my best friend text and asked if I wasnt to go for a pub roast. I was incredculous! Id still not had the time or energy to get out my pyjamas, I was am absolutely mess. I hadnt slept for more than 2 hours (broken!) a night in all that time, at one point I actually hullucinated and thought my baby was possesed. Genuinely.

Anyway, I said no! Ive just given birth hmm. She later told me that I knew I wouldnt make it, she just wanted me to feel included. Lovely as she is.

Scootch forward 4 years when I had my second and where was I on day 10 of my new born? Having a big pint of lime and soda and a roast dinner at a pub because he slept blissfully and would go days and days (literally) without even a hint of crying.

All of a sudden that original text didnt seem so utterly ridiculous after all, I
was just drowning in my woe and my friend (who'd at that point had no babies herself) just didnt know.

Basically, I think its just because your friends love you. Not because they are insensitive.

WeekendsAreTooShort Tue 25-Jun-13 20:28:17

I took 3 separate drugs and was off work nearly 7 months. I was suicidal with it. No one understands really unless they have been there. Hang in there. I really do understand. It's horrendous. I will never have another having had it 2 times. X

xylem8 Tue 25-Jun-13 20:29:14

YANBU - I remember someone who I thought was a good friend asking me to babysit for her!!

SamuelWestsMistress Tue 25-Jun-13 20:29:24

I just had really bad morning sickness with all of mine (it eased slightly with subsequent pregnancies) and I simply can't imagine feeling shitter than that for weeks and months, so you absolutely have my total sympathy.

Have they been pregnant before and had it? I do think until live had it bad, you really have no idea how terrible it is.

I do hope it eases for you seem and you have help at home.

HoppinMad Tue 25-Jun-13 20:32:44

Invite them over for a couple of hours, so they can see for real how sick you are, and it might make them realise not to ask questions which annoy you. They might even offer to help however they can once they do.

You should be taking some sort of medication if you're this bad tbh... Extreme vomiting can lead to dehydration.

MrsHuxtable Tue 25-Jun-13 20:34:50

The having a toddler bit is a nightmare. I'm lucky as DH works from home so he looks after DD and then just works into the night. The worst bit is the smells. Everything smells so bad to me, it makes me feel sick. DD has this smell about her (I know she doesn't really) that makes me ill and I don't want her near me. All the touching and clinging to me... I feel awful about it. I can hear her asking for her mama and it makes me cry. I'm sure she'll be traumatized by all this.

I have medication that "worked" last time and I'm not as bad as in my last pregnancy but still horrible.

I had it for 7.5 months last time, though there was an improvement after 13/14 weeks so am hoping for the same.

I don't think those people are trying to just make conversation and don't want to see anyone either.

diddl Tue 25-Jun-13 20:37:44

Do they realise that you are bedbound?

I think a lot of people would realise that it's serious vomitting-but maybe not that it lasts all day & you can't move about at all iyswim?

Cherriesarelovely Tue 25-Jun-13 20:38:29

Oh god, that sounds absolutely horrible. Much sympathy to you. I'm sure your friends don't mean to be annoying but I can totally see your point. Will it improve as your pregnancy goes along? I really hope so!

Montybojangles Tue 25-Jun-13 20:38:36

I think you can only know if you have actually had it. Had a nauseated pregnancy and wasn't nice, but could get on with things. Had HG and often constantly wished I would die, they are not remotely the same.

I think it's a little like a person who has had a headache, but never a migraine trying to understand just how hideous and debilitating a migraine might be.

Have you had anything prescribed? Don't let your gp fob you off, you need antiemetics. So sorry you are going through this. It's just the most awful thing

((gentle hugs)) I know you need some

MrsHuxtable Tue 25-Jun-13 20:39:42

And yes, I think a big part of me feeling frustrated is probably that I'm starting to get depressed. The days seem so long and I've simply had enough. I have no end in sight. And there's only so much mnetting you can do...

onepieceoflollipop Tue 25-Jun-13 20:44:44


I understand you...I had hyperemesis with first pregnancy (hospitalised for over 2 weeks) 10 years ago (dd1 is now 9)

I remember it so vividly that if I talk to anyone about it (especially those who are suffering) it makes me cry. I am so sorry you feel so ill, it is a dreadful thing. I hope you have some better days soon. xx

onepieceoflollipop Tue 25-Jun-13 20:46:09

Also what I remember is that times slows down, those days, weeks and months dragged forever.

MrsHuxtable Tue 25-Jun-13 20:50:01

I can't believe I was stupid enough to get pregnant again btw. I mean, it's not that stupid because I don't want DD to be an only child but atm I'm thinking WTF????

I always wanted 3 DC but this will be my last pregnancy. As sad as it is, even if this one shouldn't be successful, I can't go through this again.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar Tue 25-Jun-13 20:50:48

Massive sympathy to you, I have never experienced HG but normal morning sickness and nausea is bad so I can't even imagine how HG feels must be absolutely horrendous

breatheslowly Tue 25-Jun-13 20:55:04

Most people have no experience of hyperemesis and unless you tell them as clearly as your first post, they won't have a clue. I am not aware of anyone I know having it. I think that it hasn't been helped by Kate Middleton's example as from an outsider's view point she popped into hospital for a few days and then seemed to be fine again (but who knows what she actually went through).

childcarehell Tue 25-Jun-13 20:55:43

I had HG, when I was finally admitted to hospital for a week was when everyone seemed to get it!

Nombrechanger Tue 25-Jun-13 20:58:44

Don't you sit there worrying about all the ignorant people who don't have the first clue about what you're going through.

Fuck 'em

They've got no idea how bad it is for you and if they can't be arsed to google it and try to understand, then why should you feel guilty or angry when they ask stupid questions.

You have to try and get through this without arseholes giving you grief.

TiredFeet Tue 25-Jun-13 21:01:23

yanbu. I knew as soon as I read the thread title that this was going to be about hyperemesis! you have all my sympathy. I am just coming out the other end (at 18 weeks) of 2nd hyperemesis pregnancy and it has been very tough. I have hard normal morning sickness either end and that is one thing, but hyperemesis is like morning sickness X1000

I am not a royal follower at all but when Kate Middleton was in the papers with hyperemesis I actually cried, mainly it brought back all the trauma of that first time. I was so traumatised by being so ill that I never intended to get pregnant again, DC2 was a big surprise!

come and and join us on the hyperemesis support thread if you like: here

lots of sympathy from me and I hope you are getting good medical support?

Badvoc Tue 25-Jun-13 21:01:44

Bloody hell that sounds grim.
I just had regular morning sickness and that was bad enough.
Your friends are being utter arseholes.
Hope you manage to keep out of hospital x

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