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please, I truly need to now if it's me being unreasonable here.

(173 Posts)
mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:32:33

I have never posted on aibu before, and I am actually sweating a little here. However, I feel that I need to know whether this lady is right or wrong:

My dd1 goes to ballet on Tuesday evenings. We walk there (45 minutes each way) and when we arrive at the Methodist church where it is held, I feel the need to rest my aching feet (Tuesdays are busy physically for me).

The place where mums wait is the lobby of the church, and there are only about 5 chairs available. When I arrive, there is always one chair free. Well, at least, until today I thought it was free. It turns out that one of the mums wants to reserve it for her 4 or 5 year old son. She places a coat over the back of the chair every week. I hadn't really clocked this before (I'm not very quick at picking up cues) so I have just politely asked if she minded if I place the coat on the side so that I can sit. I honestly didn't realise that this might be a problem. (Now I think about it, she never looked very happy about moving the coat)

The boy is NEVER sitting in the chair when I arrive and he never shows any signs of wishing to sit down the whole time they are there. He's happily scampering around with his sister.

So, I was kind of taken aback today when she told me that the chair was actually where her son was sitting and would I please find somewhere else to sit next time. I didn't know what to say to that! I didn't realise at all. On reflection, I can't see why she needs to lay claim to the chair. Her son clearly doesn't want it and I don't want to have to sit on the floor or stand when there is a vacant chair.

Today, as if to prove her point, she beckoned her son to her and tried to sit him on her knee, telling him loudly that he hasn't got a chair any more. He didn't want to sit on her knee, and wriggled off to play again.

So, am I right in thinking she's being a bit bizarre? Or is it me? And next week, should I just sit on the floor? Bear in mind, I hate hate hate confrontation. I also hate having any attention drawn to myself, which would happen if I do sit on the floor, I feel.

Oh, I don't know. I know it is petty, but it has shaken me up a bit and made me doubt something that I had no idea was an issue...

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 20:28:18

Who knows, Sarah? Who knows? She's just plain bonkers and clearly hates me for daring to sit in 'her' chair every week!

SarahAndFuck Tue 02-Jul-13 19:52:53

Well done OP, perhaps now she's realise what a prat she has been. If her child can give up a seat for her friend then why on earth did she have a problem with you using it?

Nottalotta Tue 02-Jul-13 19:51:40

Surely children sit on the floor if there are adults wanting a seat? Sorry bit late to this conversation but i can't quite believe it!

SauvignonBlanche Tue 02-Jul-13 19:41:58

Glad you got a seat! grin

CalamityJ Tue 02-Jul-13 19:33:47

Pissed off I expect. And her friend will think she's a knob for bringing her along to save a chair when there's plenty spare. Question is: did she make her friend get up to give her son a seat?? grin

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 19:15:23

Mind ou, the 'function' of her friend was to prevent me from sitting down. I wonder what she thought when she saw that extra chairs had been set out so I ended up unaffected by it!

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 19:06:16

Yes grin

I must look scarier than I give myself credit for!

CalamityJ Tue 02-Jul-13 18:56:57

Love that you both took moral support!

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 18:54:45

Sorry for weird typos, on iPod and it's really hard to preview properly!

mosp Tue 02-Jul-13 18:53:39

Hello, thank you SO much for asking.

I have a rather boring update really.

My friend came with me for moral support. When I waked in, my observations were:

1) the child was scrambling all over a table

2) the mum had also brought an extra person with her to sit in the other chair (presumably anyone is preferable to me, although it did mean her poor child had no chair today - bot that he needed one of course)

3) there were a couple of extra chairs out, presumably the work if the ballet teacher smile

My friend and I paid her no attention but just sat and chatted. Also checked out the location of the church hall for future reference.

So, it was all rather pain free.

Thank you all do much for asking and sorry I don't have a funny story to tell!

SarahAndFuck Tue 02-Jul-13 18:33:28

OP is probably still walking home.

If class starts at 5pm and probably lasts an hour, her DD might then have to get changed and then it's a 45 minute walk home for them.

Shutupanddrive Tue 02-Jul-13 18:29:11

Any news?

CalamityJ Tue 02-Jul-13 18:20:33

How did it go OP! Please update!

captainmummy Tue 02-Jul-13 18:09:46

How did it go, Mosp?

Confrontation - or more chairs? grin

ElsieOops Fri 28-Jun-13 12:32:39

good luck for next Tuesday mosp. If you struggle with confrontation it's good to get someone neutral to sort it.

my chair story - not exciting - but I regularly go to dances which are tiring so it's nice to sit and watch for a rest. There are many more people than chairs so I always put my stuff under or on the back leaving the seat free. It's amazing how many people "bag" a chair by leaving jumpers on top so you end up with the ridiculous situation of 50 chairs all bagged while people are dancing.

I always simply pick their jumpers up, hang them over the back and sit down. Getting up again when they return.

It feels wrong breaking the code of moving other's belongings, but why are they being so selfish?

mosp Fri 28-Jun-13 09:06:25

Xylem, I have done that smile
I just hope it works out for next tues and that she doesn't address me again!

xylem8 Fri 28-Jun-13 09:00:26

If there are insufficient seats then have a word with the ballet teacher to ask that more seats be put out next time.A church must have more than 5 surely?

mosp Fri 28-Jun-13 08:41:28

Cronullansw, I think it is just that I've been on my feet for much of the day on a Tuesday. They aren't hurting badly, but I just appreciate a sit down for the 45 minutes of her lesson.

PurplePidjin Fri 28-Jun-13 05:58:08

The deleted post was probably a spammer wink

Elquota Fri 28-Jun-13 02:21:41

YANBU. She has no right to bully you and can't do anything at all if you decide to sit down. She's making herself look silly.

cronullansw Fri 28-Jun-13 01:55:20

Sounds to me like you need some shoe insoles.

Not joking. If you feet hurt so much you need to sit down after a walk, (assuming it's not a real hike) then see a podiatrist.

And tell that stupid woman, and her precious brat, to bugger off.

mosp Thu 27-Jun-13 14:58:45

I fear if I do anything to defy her, she'll scratch my eyes out!!

Yeah, I know my plan is a cop out but I will just go with it. If she is rude to me again, I will rethink.

I can't be doing with people like her. Actually, I would rather not sit by her now. Moving the chair would not be an easy task. They are wide(ish) comfy chairs rather than the plastic type so I wouldn't be able to whip it up and move it in a jiffy.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Thu 27-Jun-13 14:44:22

for you

Take some tea and biscuits too, like a true camper. grin

Pigsmummy Thu 27-Jun-13 14:36:12

Deleted post was mad chair lady obvs...

Idocrazythings Thu 27-Jun-13 14:19:42

I know you don't like the confrontation, but can you move her second chair away, sit down, put your iPod on with earphones and if she still complains then say "the spare chairs are xxx, if you get one you'll have to put it back". Sorry, but why should you, have to fossick for a chair when there's one free.

Do it to be strong for yourself and not let people take advantage. You never know- you might like it smile

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