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please, I truly need to now if it's me being unreasonable here.

(173 Posts)
mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:32:33

I have never posted on aibu before, and I am actually sweating a little here. However, I feel that I need to know whether this lady is right or wrong:

My dd1 goes to ballet on Tuesday evenings. We walk there (45 minutes each way) and when we arrive at the Methodist church where it is held, I feel the need to rest my aching feet (Tuesdays are busy physically for me).

The place where mums wait is the lobby of the church, and there are only about 5 chairs available. When I arrive, there is always one chair free. Well, at least, until today I thought it was free. It turns out that one of the mums wants to reserve it for her 4 or 5 year old son. She places a coat over the back of the chair every week. I hadn't really clocked this before (I'm not very quick at picking up cues) so I have just politely asked if she minded if I place the coat on the side so that I can sit. I honestly didn't realise that this might be a problem. (Now I think about it, she never looked very happy about moving the coat)

The boy is NEVER sitting in the chair when I arrive and he never shows any signs of wishing to sit down the whole time they are there. He's happily scampering around with his sister.

So, I was kind of taken aback today when she told me that the chair was actually where her son was sitting and would I please find somewhere else to sit next time. I didn't know what to say to that! I didn't realise at all. On reflection, I can't see why she needs to lay claim to the chair. Her son clearly doesn't want it and I don't want to have to sit on the floor or stand when there is a vacant chair.

Today, as if to prove her point, she beckoned her son to her and tried to sit him on her knee, telling him loudly that he hasn't got a chair any more. He didn't want to sit on her knee, and wriggled off to play again.

So, am I right in thinking she's being a bit bizarre? Or is it me? And next week, should I just sit on the floor? Bear in mind, I hate hate hate confrontation. I also hate having any attention drawn to myself, which would happen if I do sit on the floor, I feel.

Oh, I don't know. I know it is petty, but it has shaken me up a bit and made me doubt something that I had no idea was an issue...

Nicolaeus Tue 25-Jun-13 19:33:35


Justforlaughs Tue 25-Jun-13 19:35:52

YANBU, any chance you can get there first? I'd leave at 9 in the morning if I had to just to annoy her wink

Shutupanddrive Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:23

YANBU at all

MrsLettuce Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:26


notwoo Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:30

No way should you sit on the floor!!

Could you get there a bit earlier next time though so you have more chairs to choose from?

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:38

She's being massively rude, and you have every right to keep sitting on that chair!

currywurst3 Tue 25-Jun-13 19:36:47

Shes one of those women who hasn't matured since primary school. What grown adult still tries to 'bagsy' seats.

Justforlaughs Tue 25-Jun-13 19:37:05

Having said that, I do wonder how on earth your DD is coping with a ballet session after the walk, if YOU need to sit down hmm

EmpressOfTheSevenOceans Tue 25-Jun-13 19:37:12

She's being massively rude, and you have every right to keep sitting on that chair!

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:37:38

PHEW!!! I feel so relieved. The first two responses say ianbu smile

I can't get there first! It is a rush getting there as it is. We literally eat a quick snack and then set off after school because it starts at 5pm.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Jun-13 19:37:52

No confrontation needed

Just say "Sorry, but he doesn't appear to be using it"...and sit yourself down.

attheendoftheday Tue 25-Jun-13 19:38:17

YANBU. Adults get chairs, kids get the floor, thems the rules. What about calmly pointing out that her son is not using the seat? I'd probably just plonk my arse down and ignore any comments, but that's me.

MoaningMingeWhingesAgain Tue 25-Jun-13 19:38:25

I would try to get there before her.

But then I wouldn't do an afterschool activity that I had to walk 45 minutes to, TBH.

WorraLiberty Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:12

Oh and ask someone from the church if it's possible to put a few more chairs out.

MatersMate Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:18

Oh ffs this is easy...YANBU. front it out, or you will have that awkward situation every week, daft cow.

Try and get there before her, if not say...' can I have the chair your son isn't sitting on?'

LunaticFringe Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeadfirstForHalos Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:24


Just say, "oh I'll just sit here until he needs the chair back then. He doesn't seem to need it at the moment."

mosp Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:40

justforlaughs, dd is a lot fitter than me. She chose to do ballet and she loves it. She is 12, by the way. I suppose I could just let her walk alone, but we like that walk - good chatting time for us.

dufflefluffle Tue 25-Jun-13 19:39:49

Or even: "well, he doesn't appear to be using it" - save your sorry for somebody worthy of it.

MatersMate Tue 25-Jun-13 19:40:30

Seems a hell of a lot of exercise straight after school (for both of you!)

Coconutty Tue 25-Jun-13 19:41:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatersMate Tue 25-Jun-13 19:41:18

Fair enough then. bollocks to the woman!

Foosyerdoos Tue 25-Jun-13 19:41:44

Since when do children get priority to have a seat over an adult (unless there is a specific need). I would tell my children to give up their seat if an adult needed one. YANBU

Justforlaughs Tue 25-Jun-13 19:43:20

Fair enough OP. I must admit that I assumed she was younger probably because my own dd dropped ballet when she was4!. Nor would let her walk alone, it sounds like you have a good relationship with her and it's lovely that you make that effort to do what she wants to do. As I said before, YANBU anyway. I can't imagine ever letting my child take up a seat and leave adults standing. Even my 14 year old sat on my lap in the hospital waiting room recently!

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