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Feeling intimidated in own garden

(68 Posts)
orangepudding Mon 24-Jun-13 12:53:54

My mum had lived in her house for almost 30 years. For about 25 of those years she has been growing a tree in her garden. It's probably about 2 storeys high.
Recently new neighbours moved in. They do not like the tree. Almost every weekend they have visitors and when they hear my mum open her back door they go into their own back garden and discuss the trees size and how it impacts on the extension they have built - it blocks some light and they don't have a clear view onto the path behind the house.
My mum feels intimidated by this. AIBU to think they should put up with it as the tree was there before they bought the house and built their extensions and they certainly shouldn't make my mum feel intimidated in her own garden?

JustinBsMum Mon 24-Jun-13 13:47:51

Yes, def get on speaking terms. They are making a mountain out of a molehill. Facing up to them will prob make them back down (go round when neighbour is alone, not when they are all in their garden).

We bought a house where a (daft imo) neighbour had got wound up about the leylandii hedge which was at the end of our garden, he claimed roots were affecting his drive and got a lawyer and a tree expert to confirm this. Our owner got a lawyer and tree expert who denied that the roots were doing any harm. Much money wasted. He cut through roots and one tree died (which we later replaced) and not long after he died unexpectedly of a heart attack shock - not sure if the neighbour rows contributed but it had been ongoing for years. Sad really.

ceebie Mon 24-Jun-13 13:51:38

orangepudding, when you had that discussion, did you or your Mum imply that you couldn't remove the tree becuase there was a nesting bird? You need to clarify that you and your Mum won't be removing the tree, whatever the circumstances. Otherwise, if they believe there is any possibility that at some stage your mother might give in, they will persist.

orangepudding Mon 24-Jun-13 14:06:40

ceebie We told him that the tree would never be removed and that we would not thin it out for at least a few months due to the nesting birds. He's not interested in it getting thinned he wants the whole tree gone to which we said no.

THERhubarb Mon 24-Jun-13 14:10:56

You need to go round and have another word as obviously the message has not got through. He feels that if he intimidates your mum, she might cave in.

He needs to understand that your mum is not on her own and as her family you will not just sit back and allow him to make her feel harrassed in her own garden.

This is obviously how they get their own way and they are doing this quite deliberately.

If you don't show that you mean business now, it might escalate as they resort to more intimidating tactics.

ISeeSmallPeople Mon 24-Jun-13 14:11:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ditavonteesed Mon 24-Jun-13 14:16:41

have you changed a few of the details here? did your mums neighbours actually build the decking becasue they have no light in their garden due to the ten foot wall and slope of the road? does the tree actually cover nearly all the decking and that both the decking and trampoline are constantly overed in pigeon poo, if this is this case I can give you both sides of the argument.

orangepudding Mon 24-Jun-13 14:20:58

ditavonteesed That sounds like a nightmare, thankfully one I'm not involved in!

orangepudding Mon 24-Jun-13 14:21:59

Like this Iseesmall

cantspel Mon 24-Jun-13 14:23:35

Your mum just needs to ignore them as i dont see why she is feeling intimidated by them just discussing the impact of the tree in their garden.
From your op they are not being aggressive towards her or doing anything to intimidate ie staring, shouting over fence. So just ignore.

What type of tree is it and how near the house as a 2 story tree could be causing alot of damage to her foundations

KobayashiMaru Mon 24-Jun-13 14:23:41

I'm pretty sure they can talk about what they like in their own garden, in much the same way as your ma can have what trees she likes in hers.

ditavonteesed Mon 24-Jun-13 14:24:49

ah ok, just sounded very similar to a debate between 2 of my neighbours regarding decking and a tree and we back onto a residential home, obvously quite a common problem then.

curryeater Mon 24-Jun-13 14:28:36

Imtoohecsy, does she really need to trawl the expensive vintage shops of Shoreditch for a Walkman which will cost and incredible amount of money, and then somehow dig up the tapes to go with it? Or could she maybe just use an ipod? ;)

orangepudding Mon 24-Jun-13 14:30:15

cantspel It's a conifer, which is quite narrow at the top. It's a fair distance from the house. Where I live plenty of people have larger trees closer to their houses including me, which I assume don't cause problems.
She does feel intimidated and I would too.

I will ask her to keep a diary and then have a word with them.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 24-Jun-13 14:32:06

<sob> I am obviously one hundred and eight years old.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 24-Jun-13 14:33:09

Keeping a diary is a very good idea, Orange. As is going round and telling the neighbours to stop trying to intimidate an elderly lady.

Perhaps putting it as baldly as that may give them something to think about!

colette Mon 24-Jun-13 14:34:49

interesting link coming from the neighbours point of view. although talking about it loudly in your mums earshot is out of order

WeAreEternal Mon 24-Jun-13 14:35:42

Tell her to build a tree house in it and sit up there cackling at them.

Po I love you for this suggestion.

orangepudding Mon 24-Jun-13 14:38:11

dita I think the decking is a red herring in this case. The tree doesn't over hang on to it. He just doesn't like the tree!

cantspel Mon 24-Jun-13 14:40:48

i live surrounded by trees. There are oaks all down one side of my house and next door has a huge scotch pine and the roots are no problem.

i removed a huge connifer as i was worried about the roots. Connifers have a shallow root system rather than a tap root and can cause problems with your drains and drainage. The roots will follow the water and grow in soakaways and drainage pipes and even soil pipes. Not a risk i was willing to take.

BlackeyedSusan Mon 24-Jun-13 14:46:50

next time you ae there.. and the neighbourrs complin. compliment your mother on the leylandii splings she has bought nd sy tht they will grow veryr fast and she can block out the noise of complaining neighbours... grin

Branleuse Mon 24-Jun-13 14:48:10

ask them to stop making loud obvious passive aggressive comments in the garden and upsetting your mum. The tree was there before they were and she likes it.

currywurst3 Mon 24-Jun-13 15:27:06

Get some stink bombs and download an mp3 of fart noises. They'll soon go back inside.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 24-Jun-13 15:49:43

You need some Cunting Bunting.

JustinBsMum Mon 24-Jun-13 17:58:33

They sound unreasonable if the tree isn't overhanging.

Buy your mum a tinkling fountain/waterfall/pond arrangement. They are recommended for gardens as they can cancel out traffic noise but I bet they can also cancel out voices! smile

charitygirl Mon 24-Jun-13 18:02:52

There are some conifers that I would be deeply unhappy to have growing next door, but as you say, they viewed it like that!

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