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AIBU to think Nigella has no right to feel frustrated?

(232 Posts)
GiveMumABreak Sun 23-Jun-13 21:25:01

'Nigella feels frustrated that the whole world has an opinion about something she feels is a private situation.'

'Nigella feels her hand has been forced.'

'Nigella told friends she wants to rebuild her troubled relationship with millionaire art collector Mr Saatchi and insisted: 'I am not some sort of battered wife.'

AIBU to think: She is a celebrity chef (and role model)who had her photo taken in a public place. We are shocked and concerned - not just nosey, or should the whole world just mind their own business (as she would clearly prefer)?

article here

BasilBabyEater Wed 26-Jun-13 16:55:12

Yes, that thing about "women shut up about violence because society will judge you worse when it knows you're a victim of it" is awful.

However, it's also true; when women tell other people how they were subjected to violence, there is a subtle change in how people perceive and treat them. That's why so many of us STFU about the violence we've experienced. sad

sudointellectual Wed 26-Jun-13 17:54:08

How to Eat is a great cookbook tho, Jayne. It's really good. It's got marmite sandwiches and birthday cake and menus for different sorts of occasions. And mostly the food is not madly expensive or difficult to cook, and all the recipes work. It's confident and useful in its directions for shopping, and addresses those normal anxieties of how-much-is-enough. The writing is friendly and a bit flirty and silly and fun. It might not be a useful guide to every life or lifestyle, but it's a really good cookbook.

It's not exploitative! It's not slavery, mate. It's marmite sarnies and advice on cheese. Cheese! Nigella Lawson never sold you her soul; just her opinions on cheese. Jeez.

Next week on mumsnet: Mrs Kirkham has no right to feel sorrow. We demand that Granny Delicious make a statement about her miscarriage!

mathanxiety Thu 27-Jun-13 06:59:58

I think that has to change Basil. The only people who benefit are the abusers.

BasilBabyEater Thu 27-Jun-13 20:20:49

This is true, but how?

Women know that if they speak out about their own abuse, people - both men and women - might treat them differently, or at least think of them differently. The shift in attitude may be subtle, but it's unmistakeable. Being honest here, I wouldn't advise any woman to be generally open with all and sundry about having experienced abuse, unless it was a completely safe space for her to do that - and society isn't a safe space for women to talk openly about their experience of male violence or any abuse, because too many people will either disbelieve them, blame them or make judgements about them which may seriously disadvantage them, either in their personal relationships or in the workplace.

For women to feel safe to talk openly about the abuse they've suffered, they need to know they're not going to be re-victimised by negative responses to that. We're nowhere near that and I don't really know what we can do about that. It's a chicken - egg situation but I don't really think we can put the onus on women to be the first one to break the circle - we need to do so much more work on educating most people about DV etc. first.

BasilBabyEater Thu 27-Jun-13 20:31:04

And of course one of the main ways of educating people, is bringing them face to face with the fact that women they know who they would never have associated with the stereotype of a victim of abuse, is in fact someone who has experienced abuse. But she's not going to tell them because she fears they will see her as more fragile, less competent, etc.

It's such a conundrum.

Emilythornesbff Thu 27-Jun-13 21:57:04

I feel for her.
So much pressure on her to be seen to do the "right" thing when it is he who should be helpd accountable for his actions.
So she suffers the assau,t, the humiliation and then the criticism for not acting in a way that sets the proper example to's not fair or supportive or productive.

Also, putting hands to someone's throat is a serious business. He got off extremely lightly IMHO.

I am a big fan of Nigella and her work.(not neccessarily relevant).

Emilythornesbff Thu 27-Jun-13 21:58:51

And sudo yes, "how to eat" is fab.

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