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To tell my cousin that she should wait to have a baby

(145 Posts)
AmadeusRocks Sun 23-Jun-13 17:40:35

I am well prepared to be told that it's none of my business/to keep my nose out but bear in mind she is like a sister to me and I only want the best for her.

My cousin is 21 and has been with her DP (22) for just over a year, she has just started out as a lawyer and he works in IT and they're both currently earning around 25k each - both have promising careers ahead, probably her more so than him. She rang me earlier today and told me that they are planning on getting engaged/married within the next 1-2 years and then immediately to start trying for a baby.

AIBU to have told her that I think she's too young and she should wait?

SilverOldie Sun 23-Jun-13 17:43:48

If she is old enough to be married, surely she's old enough to decide for herself. I'm sure you want the best for her but I do think you should mind your own business, sorry.

quoteunquote Sun 23-Jun-13 17:46:08

Yes you are totally unreasonable to put anyone off having a baby if they want to.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 23-Jun-13 17:46:23

She's finished her education and has a good job, as does her partner. What's too young about that.

As an aside I thought becoming a lawyer took more than 3 years?

expatinscotland Sun 23-Jun-13 17:46:31


Why on Earth would you tell her that?

WTF?! She is planning to marry in the next couple of years and be about 25 when she starts trying.

How is that too young, or any business of yours?

If you told me that, or my daughter that, I'd tell you where to go, tbh.

And I'm 42.

Tee2072 Sun 23-Jun-13 17:47:13

Mind your own business. I would say that no matter who she is.

TigOldBitties Sun 23-Jun-13 17:47:16

Yabu, I don't think she's too young, and why's it any of your business?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sun 23-Jun-13 17:47:25

You shouldn't have rained on her parade - you should have been pleased/excited - then slowly worked on her! I agree with you, she's too damn young, with too much potential to be doing this - but how often does 'being told not to' work? You have to be much more subtle!!

expatinscotland Sun 23-Jun-13 17:47:30

You already told her?


Wait for what?

Too bad you won't call her back and apologise for being so completely out of line.

Aetae Sun 23-Jun-13 17:48:27

You're being a bit unreasonable. It's not like she's 14.

expatinscotland Sun 23-Jun-13 17:49:14

Worked on her? How fucking manipulative. Someone that bright will hopefully see through that and cut such an unsupportive, negative, narrow-minded person out of their lives.

Nowt at ALL wrong with having a baby at 25 if you're ready.

It was too young for you because you were immature and silly.

Not all people are, thankfully.

I was.

I hope my kids aren't.

Nanny0gg Sun 23-Jun-13 17:49:47

Since you ask, yes you were.

coronalover Sun 23-Jun-13 17:51:05

Unless she asks for your opinion on this then YABU to say anything. In any case a lot will change for them over the next few years and they may well change their plans.

Lj8893 Sun 23-Jun-13 17:51:36

Too young?! In 1-2 years they are planning to get married and then try for a baby, meaning she is likely to be about 24 by the time she conceives.

I'm 25 and pregnant, am I too young?!

She also has a career and by the time she starts trying for a baby will have her feet firmly in the door meaning a break for maternity leave won't be an issue and between the two of them will be bringing in a nice healthy income for a family.

Nanny0gg Sun 23-Jun-13 17:52:02

I agree with you, she's too damn young, with too much potential to be doing this
For some reason, this comment has really pissed me off.

Too much potential? It's all downhill when married with children is it? Potential wasted?


hobnobsaremyfave Sun 23-Jun-13 17:52:08

I had just started my career at 22 and was newly married, had dc1 a year later, 4 dc's in all by my early 30's and now in my late 30's ploughing along in a newly chosen but excellent field. Having my DC's young was the bet thing I ever did.

McNewPants2013 Sun 23-Jun-13 17:52:52

Is there more to this than what you have posted.

livinginwonderland Sun 23-Jun-13 17:52:57

YABU, it's got nothing to do with you!

She's in a committed relationship with a loving DP. They both have good jobs and they're planning to get engaged and married before they start trying. Sounds very smart to me!

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 23-Jun-13 17:53:04


If they both have a steady income and want children why wait?

As an aside, how is she a fully qualified lawyer at 21? It's 4 years study and two years training after that. And the training is far from easy to come by.

noisytoys Sun 23-Jun-13 17:54:31

I was married at 18, first DD at 20, second at 23. Both me and DH WOH and have fulfilling lives. And we are very happy.

YABU. And patronising.

AmadeusRocks Sun 23-Jun-13 17:56:17

For those asking - she is not a fully qualified lawyer - she has just started her two years of training and IMO therein lies the problem.

I haven't been horrible to her and said "don't have a baby yet you moron", I suggested that it might be a better idea for her to wait maybe until she has finished her qualification and they have bought a house to give them some security.

Ashoething Sun 23-Jun-13 17:56:49

So a combined income of 50 grand a year is not enough to have a child then?hmm

Keep your beak out. I would love to know which area of law she practises in where she is fully qualified and earning 25 grand at the age of 21 though?...

juneybean Sun 23-Jun-13 17:56:59

YABU it's none of your fucking business.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sun 23-Jun-13 17:58:20

Did she ask you for your opinion?

ExcuseTypos Sun 23-Jun-13 17:58:29


I've advised both my DDs to establish a career before having babies.

I had my first at 25 which meant after uni I only worked for 4 years. Not enough years IMO to establish yourself.

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