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To want him to stay home?

(56 Posts)
GiveMeVegemite Sun 23-Jun-13 11:24:38

My DH has a great job and gets to work from home 4 days a week, sometimes 5. This means that he can help out with our DS who is 12 months. I am currently 7 months pregnant with DS 2 and was looking forward to loads of help, especially since I have to have a c section. He would get 2 weeks paternity, plus 2 weeks time off.

BUT he has just been offered an even better job , money wise, (over 25k more than he is on now) which would mean we would be very comfortable. However, this is a contract for 12 months so no paternity (he would still take 2 weeks unpaid leave) and he would have to be in the office every day.

We are so up in the air about it. Am I being unreasonable to think the money isn't worth the family time at home? He already gets paid a lot so I don't think it is worth it?

Startail Sun 23-Jun-13 20:13:39

Of babies and older DCs I'm certain it is easier being a SAHM.

But DD1 from learning to crawl until 2 and 9 months when she went to preschool just didn't give you a second off.

She fiddled, she ran off, she climbed, she totally and utterly ignored toys, much preferring to find a pen and draw on the walls or any piece of paper.

No job was ever completed or adult conversation finished before you had to go and stop her doing what ever she was doing this time.

Having worked in a lab where you used to get time to THINK, she absolutely frazzled my brain.

DD2 knew what toys were for and played with them quietly for ten minutes at a time, it was bliss.

ImperialBlether Sun 23-Jun-13 17:16:07

OK I'll be the first to say it: it's FAR more stressful and tiring being a WOHM.

longjane Sun 23-Jun-13 16:30:25

take the new job and get paid help

Floggingmolly Sun 23-Jun-13 16:29:37

How much childcare can he realistically do when he's supposed to be working?

FutTheShuckUp Sun 23-Jun-13 16:26:25

Comments about SAHM should just cope are plain nasty

It's tiring, stressful and very very lonely being a SAHM

Its also a choice isn't it, as far as im aware

Thurlow Sun 23-Jun-13 16:23:33

Where grin

justmyview Sun 23-Jun-13 16:22:49

If he'd meant to be working from home, then I doubt he'd be available to offer "loads of help".

Since you've come online to ask strangers for their opinion, I'm guessing he's keen to take the job.

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo Sun 23-Jun-13 16:21:53

7 months pregnant you say, OP? Parked on any private drives recently? grin

StuntGirl Sun 23-Jun-13 16:19:35

This is an absolute non-issue. He should take the job, no questions asked.

Thurlow Sun 23-Jun-13 16:16:05

Take the job, and pay for some post-natal help after the c-section. It's not ideal but £25k is a LOT of money, and never underestimate how important it is to have a job you enjoy.

BatwingsAndButterflies Sun 23-Jun-13 16:09:37

I would urge him to take the job, sounds great for him.

fabergeegg Sun 23-Jun-13 15:23:21

If you're earning more, you can afford a Mother's Help. Simple smile And it's so much nicer than having your DH underfoot. My DH worked from home and was dreadful at multi-tasking. Much easier without him so my mum took pity on him and given him my old bedroom for an office over at her house.

Startail Sun 23-Jun-13 15:14:47

Comments about SAHM should just cope are plain nasty.

It's tiring, stressful and very very lonely being a SAHM.

Not everyone has family round the corner or makes friends at the drop of a hat.

It takes two people to make a child and looking after that child is just as much the fathers responsibility as the mothers. That responsibility doesn't end with ££££.

ohforfoxsake Sun 23-Jun-13 15:12:01

He should take the job.

Babies are hard work, but pretty straight forward. You've had the benefit of him being at home until now, count that as a blessing. If this job is going to progress his career, will it put you in a better place when your children are older (and IME cost more)? For 12 months when they are so young, and if it makes a big difference to your futures, then yes he should. You'll get through it.

Can the extra money pay for help?

Startail Sun 23-Jun-13 15:10:04

£25000 would let me send my DDs to private school, so it's a total no brainer here.

However, I sympathise with loosing the home working, I love having DH about and yes he does occasional non things during the day, but works early morning and into the evening. No problem as far as work is concerned as long as stuff is emailed in by when it's needed.

PearlyWhites Sun 23-Jun-13 14:58:16

Yabvu it's really not that hard to look after two dc's on your own even they are close in age. Many many parents manage just fine

cocolepew Sun 23-Jun-13 14:57:19

Take the job.
You don't need someone to look after children while you pee, you need to think long term.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 23-Jun-13 14:54:51


He should take the job.

Use the 25 grand to buy DS a play pen, then pop him in that whenever you need the loo.

primallass Sun 23-Jun-13 14:51:47

Probably 12k after tax and NI (if on 40% tax bracket) if that helps you decide. Minus the commuting costs.

Hassled Sun 23-Jun-13 14:22:00

Another one saying he should take the job. It's not just the £25K, it's the better employment prospects down the line with having the great job on his CV. And the more his salary increases, the more he's "worth", IYSWIM.

And yes, coping with a toddler and a newborn can be a nightmare, but you'll manage - loads of us have managed. You just have to lower your expectations to virtually nothing - just getting to the end of a day with everyone still alive is an achievement. And if you're struggling, you'll get support and advice on MN. Do you have family nearby?

BridgetBidet Sun 23-Jun-13 14:17:01

You can't ask someone to give up a 25k pay rise because you want someone to look after the kids when you go to the loo. Buy a playpen.

flowery Sun 23-Jun-13 14:01:53

In any case £25k could buy a cleaner, post-natal doula and mother's help for a while and leave plenty of change for a couple of nice holidays.

diddl Sun 23-Jun-13 13:59:18

I don't know about csection recovery times, but if 2 weeks is enough-well fine!

If not, get help for another week or so!

But to refuse a 12month job on the basis of needing help for a couple of weeks seems ridiculous.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 23-Jun-13 13:56:13

But he will be taking two weeks off anyway Diddl as I read it, just unpaid

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sun 23-Jun-13 13:20:12

I think he should take it

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