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To want him to stay home?

(56 Posts)
GiveMeVegemite Sun 23-Jun-13 11:24:38

My DH has a great job and gets to work from home 4 days a week, sometimes 5. This means that he can help out with our DS who is 12 months. I am currently 7 months pregnant with DS 2 and was looking forward to loads of help, especially since I have to have a c section. He would get 2 weeks paternity, plus 2 weeks time off.

BUT he has just been offered an even better job , money wise, (over 25k more than he is on now) which would mean we would be very comfortable. However, this is a contract for 12 months so no paternity (he would still take 2 weeks unpaid leave) and he would have to be in the office every day.

We are so up in the air about it. Am I being unreasonable to think the money isn't worth the family time at home? He already gets paid a lot so I don't think it is worth it?

trinity0097 Sun 23-Jun-13 12:25:33

I say take the job and get a housekeeper/mothers help for the mornings,s o that whe he does come home all the jobs have been done and you are not stressed out dealing with two kids and a house!

FutTheShuckUp Sun 23-Jun-13 12:29:05

But why would a parent of two NEED a mothers help? Why do the whole SAHM role if you don't want do it?

diddl Sun 23-Jun-13 12:31:58

Because OP is having a Csection?

So for the first couple of weeks it would be advisable, wouldn't it?

But agree that she does seem to have got too used to her oh being there.

Icelollycraving Sun 23-Jun-13 12:41:43

I would take the job. 25k is a great lift in money & suits you time wise. Could you get some help with the extra money?
When I say help I don't mean it to sound patronising,can't think of an alternative word but ykwim.

flowery Sun 23-Jun-13 12:59:31

This is one of those where in a few years time you will look back and say "What on earth was I thinking wanting DH to give up a wonderful career opportunity and the family to give up £25k in order that I didn't have to strap the baby in a bouncy chair so I could go to the toilet..."

flipchart Sun 23-Jun-13 13:17:39

He should take the job if he wants to.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sun 23-Jun-13 13:20:12

I think he should take it

FutTheShuckUp Sun 23-Jun-13 13:56:13

But he will be taking two weeks off anyway Diddl as I read it, just unpaid

diddl Sun 23-Jun-13 13:59:18

I don't know about csection recovery times, but if 2 weeks is enough-well fine!

If not, get help for another week or so!

But to refuse a 12month job on the basis of needing help for a couple of weeks seems ridiculous.

flowery Sun 23-Jun-13 14:01:53

In any case £25k could buy a cleaner, post-natal doula and mother's help for a while and leave plenty of change for a couple of nice holidays.

BridgetBidet Sun 23-Jun-13 14:17:01

You can't ask someone to give up a 25k pay rise because you want someone to look after the kids when you go to the loo. Buy a playpen.

Hassled Sun 23-Jun-13 14:22:00

Another one saying he should take the job. It's not just the £25K, it's the better employment prospects down the line with having the great job on his CV. And the more his salary increases, the more he's "worth", IYSWIM.

And yes, coping with a toddler and a newborn can be a nightmare, but you'll manage - loads of us have managed. You just have to lower your expectations to virtually nothing - just getting to the end of a day with everyone still alive is an achievement. And if you're struggling, you'll get support and advice on MN. Do you have family nearby?

primallass Sun 23-Jun-13 14:51:47

Probably 12k after tax and NI (if on 40% tax bracket) if that helps you decide. Minus the commuting costs.

Xmasbaby11 Sun 23-Jun-13 14:54:51


He should take the job.

Use the 25 grand to buy DS a play pen, then pop him in that whenever you need the loo.

cocolepew Sun 23-Jun-13 14:57:19

Take the job.
You don't need someone to look after children while you pee, you need to think long term.

PearlyWhites Sun 23-Jun-13 14:58:16

Yabvu it's really not that hard to look after two dc's on your own even they are close in age. Many many parents manage just fine

Startail Sun 23-Jun-13 15:10:04

£25000 would let me send my DDs to private school, so it's a total no brainer here.

However, I sympathise with loosing the home working, I love having DH about and yes he does occasional non things during the day, but works early morning and into the evening. No problem as far as work is concerned as long as stuff is emailed in by when it's needed.

ohforfoxsake Sun 23-Jun-13 15:12:01

He should take the job.

Babies are hard work, but pretty straight forward. You've had the benefit of him being at home until now, count that as a blessing. If this job is going to progress his career, will it put you in a better place when your children are older (and IME cost more)? For 12 months when they are so young, and if it makes a big difference to your futures, then yes he should. You'll get through it.

Can the extra money pay for help?

Startail Sun 23-Jun-13 15:14:47

Comments about SAHM should just cope are plain nasty.

It's tiring, stressful and very very lonely being a SAHM.

Not everyone has family round the corner or makes friends at the drop of a hat.

It takes two people to make a child and looking after that child is just as much the fathers responsibility as the mothers. That responsibility doesn't end with ££££.

fabergeegg Sun 23-Jun-13 15:23:21

If you're earning more, you can afford a Mother's Help. Simple smile And it's so much nicer than having your DH underfoot. My DH worked from home and was dreadful at multi-tasking. Much easier without him so my mum took pity on him and given him my old bedroom for an office over at her house.

BatwingsAndButterflies Sun 23-Jun-13 16:09:37

I would urge him to take the job, sounds great for him.

Thurlow Sun 23-Jun-13 16:16:05

Take the job, and pay for some post-natal help after the c-section. It's not ideal but £25k is a LOT of money, and never underestimate how important it is to have a job you enjoy.

StuntGirl Sun 23-Jun-13 16:19:35

This is an absolute non-issue. He should take the job, no questions asked.

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo Sun 23-Jun-13 16:21:53

7 months pregnant you say, OP? Parked on any private drives recently? grin

justmyview Sun 23-Jun-13 16:22:49

If he'd meant to be working from home, then I doubt he'd be available to offer "loads of help".

Since you've come online to ask strangers for their opinion, I'm guessing he's keen to take the job.

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