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To be shocked at this woman's lack of parenting concern?

(117 Posts)
jojane Sun 23-Jun-13 01:23:40

I can't believe that a mother would let her child go off with a man she has JUST met in the supermarket!! I am all for not thinking every person is a peado and will happily let my children talk to people if I am there but no way would I let a complete stranger take one of my children forma burger!?,

Boomba Mon 24-Jun-13 20:47:31

but the point is, yes the woman is likely to be in a situation where she would accept help from this man. Whilst 99.5% of us wouldnt in a million years of gone with him.

There are people who don't make good decisions and arent good at safe guarding themselves.

Paeophiles are good at recognising these people/the vulnerable children and targeting them

its not their fault they are vulnerable

Boomba Mon 24-Jun-13 20:49:55

oblomov its not my impression at all, that people are more diligent since madeleine maccan. I dont think there ever were many people who would leave there kids in an apartment whilst they go out for dinner, even before she was taken

Nerfmother Mon 24-Jun-13 20:56:18

This thread is appalling.
The moment you give responsibility to a parent for the unexpected murder of its child by someone else, you take a bit of blame away from the murderer.
Just because it makes you feel safe by blaming the parents, doesn't mean you should say it out loud. Especially when you are just adding another bit of pain to anyone involved who comes across this thread.

Boomba Mon 24-Jun-13 20:59:53

its not appalling at all. Its a completely natural response

Nerfmother Mon 24-Jun-13 21:04:18

Really? I have no desire to have a little chat about whether parent a is to blame for the death of her child, and I think people should think before posting.

Boomba Mon 24-Jun-13 21:10:20

i dont read it as 'a little chat'...i dont think that is what is behind it at all.

I think people are a bit scared that this happens. And are reassuring themselves, that it cant happen to them, because they would never make those decisions....

coming together to discuss horrors is also normal/usual

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 24-Jun-13 21:15:39

It is nasty judginess more than anything.

Nerfmother Mon 24-Jun-13 21:17:54

Yes, I have discussed horrors - how awful for x, what a terrible thing etc. I would not try to work out what proportion of blame you can land on the bereaved parents to make myself feel better. And definitely not public ally.

5madthings Mon 24-Jun-13 21:21:31

I agree with expat etc. The mother was obviously vulnerable hence why the vile man targetted het. Just like jeremy hunt targetted a vulnerable school girl. These people are manipulators and opportunists. They are at fault, not the mother.

Why are we so keen to victim.blame in this country, especially when its blaming women.

Its disgusting, have a bit of empathy and respect.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Mon 24-Jun-13 21:32:04

I've lost sight of my 8 yo hundreds of times. I don't drag them all into petrol stations and I let them go on playdates with people whose parents I only know from chatting at the school gate and if I take the little one to the toilet in soft play I don't expect the other 3 to come along too. I don't think that I would go to wallmart with a stranger but I'm not poor and hungry in a country with holes in it's safety net. I can imagine it happening, the McDonalds is in the store, you can see it, the eldest child goes to help carry the trays with five peoples food on and the mother loses sight of her. At 8 she was probably playing out and maybe going to the local shop on her own. Her mother thinks she won't go off with a stranger but to an 8yo he isn't a stranger anymore, he's a friend you've just met and you can bet your boots he had a perfectly plausible excuse for going to the van instead of into McDonalds.

YonicTheHedgehog Mon 24-Jun-13 21:38:14

I feel for the mother. She made a split second judgement call that she has to live with. Poor family.

MarthasHarbour Mon 24-Jun-13 21:54:53

Nasty nasty thread

For the record if you read sparklys Huffington Post link above you will see that the mother has said that she didnt let her daughter wander off with him, she hadnt realised that her daughter had gone.

I do have a PFB, and whilst i watch him like a hawk i dont have eyes in the back of my head, many a time have i been chatting to friends in the park and he has dashed off behind a tree or a mound (we have teletubbies mounds in our local park hmm but i digress) - i get the sick feeling in my stomach and run round like batshit trying to find him. Usually succeeded within 5 seconds.

I cannot imagine being in her situation. As has been said before she is clearly vulnerable if she has her DCs out that time of night, was clearly down on her luck, and taken in by this sick fuck. I havent been in her situation so could easily say 'ah well it would never happen to me'. That attitude which-usually comes from my parents really sickens me.

I feel so desperately sad for her mother, the middle class parents/holiday restaurant couple and the beautiful little welsh girls parents.


OliviaYouCannotBSeriousMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 24-Jun-13 22:50:18

Sorry I am a bit late to this but peace and love MNers
There is a grieving family out there eh?

Kiriwawa Tue 25-Jun-13 07:26:25

5madthings - Jeremy Hunt is the Health Secretary- he's the one cutting the NHS, not abducting schoolgirls ;)

5madthings Tue 25-Jun-13 07:28:29

Ha ha lol was posting on several
L threads at once and got confused over names...maybe I should get mnhq to edit for me don't want JH suing for libel! grin

DowntonTrout Tue 25-Jun-13 07:51:31

Usual MN judginess out in force on this thread by some posters I see.

Yes the mother made an error of judgement but I can't bear the "that would never happen to my child because I don't let them out of my sight" brigade.

You realise, if that is your way of thinking, that you should not leave your child in the company of any male over the age of about 10, especially family members/close friends, don't you? Because that would be a much more likely scenario for something like this to happen.

QueenofallIsee Tue 25-Jun-13 16:47:21

Only the perpetrator of a crime is to blame, children should be safe under any circumstances. However like the OP, I did see the news story and ponder if I would be comfortable enough with a stranger within the reported time period to accept material goods/food etc- I suspect that I would not. This woman is paying for her naiveté in the worst way anyone ever could.

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