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Is she being unreasonable making this request of my husband?

(204 Posts)
Souredstones Fri 21-Jun-13 21:53:43

Husband has a female friend who is a complete drama queen, and tbh I find it tiring and so limit my contact with her. Tonight he gets a call from her, clearly about something major, and with the request 'you're the only person I've told, please don't tell anyone, not even Souredstones about it'

Now my automatic inclination whenever anyone says 'you're the only person who knows this don't tell ANYONE' is to call 'bullshitting liar' but I think it's even worse to expect a husband to keep something from his wife. I don't want to know what micro drama is affecting her life, I have no interest in it, I just have issue with her asking my husband to keep a secret from me.

I also take umbridge with him keeping said secret.

Aibu or is she?

TeamEdward Fri 21-Jun-13 21:56:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WafflyVersatile Fri 21-Jun-13 21:59:32

She's not asking your husband to keep a secret from you. It's not his secret. She has confided in a friend and asked him to keep that confidentiality.

mynewpassion Fri 21-Jun-13 22:00:41

If it doesn't affect me, us, or our family either directly or indirectly, then I would keep a secret from my partner if a male or female asks me to.

valiumredhead Fri 21-Jun-13 22:02:42

Dh and I don't keep secrets from each other but equally neither of us discuss certain things especially if our friends have asked us not too say anything.

I think you're being a wee bit noseywink

throwinshapes Fri 21-Jun-13 22:03:11

Drama queen or nay, you wouldn't have a problem with a male friend of his keeping a personal problem from you.
Therefore YABU.

Fakebook Fri 21-Jun-13 22:10:20

That's a bit rude and strange. I don't normally share secrets with people but when I do, I tell them fully knowing that they will tell their partners/dh's. I would never make that kind of request.

Floggingmolly Fri 21-Jun-13 22:11:40

Agree, Fakebook.

Gingerandcocoa Fri 21-Jun-13 22:13:08

I really want to know what the secret is now... <feeling nosey>

JackNoneReacher Fri 21-Jun-13 22:17:52

Tend to agree with fakebook.

If it was one off I would let it go. If if this is the latest in a string of dramatic secret telling/keeping then she is out of line.

Likewise I wouldn't ask my husband to break the confidence of a friend. But wouldn't expect him to regularly be concealing things from me.

josephinebruce Fri 21-Jun-13 22:19:58

Surely she would realise that the first person a husband/wife would tell is the other half!!! Daft bint.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 21-Jun-13 22:23:10

She is way out of line!

You don't tell someone to keep secrets from their husband or wife! Rude woman.

WafflyVersatile Fri 21-Jun-13 22:24:50

So let me get this straight, as soon as any of my friends have a steady boyfriend it's inconsiderate of me to expect them not to blab about my private business?

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 21-Jun-13 22:26:19

She is out of line asking him to keep a secret from you & he should tell her that. His loyalty is misplaced.

pictish Fri 21-Jun-13 22:26:45

She just sounds a childish twat tbh. I'd dismiss it out of hand as a bunch of arse, and let them get on with it.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Fri 21-Jun-13 22:27:35

Steady boyfriend is not the same as Husband.


skislope Fri 21-Jun-13 22:28:20

WafflyVersatile this would appear what is expected!! :-/

WafflyVersatile Fri 21-Jun-13 22:28:45

So when does it start? Just so's I know.

skislope Fri 21-Jun-13 22:31:55

I'm married but I have single friends who would not appreciate me divulging their personal affairs...yes we've all done it to boyfriends/husbands etc in the past...but is it ok to do that?

WidowWadman Fri 21-Jun-13 22:32:55

I'm with waffly Marriage doesn't make two individuals into one person, so she's not unreasonable to expect that OP's husband doesn't tell his wife stuff she told him in confidence. In a way I think he already betrayed her trust by telling OP that he was asked to keep confidential stuff, confidential.

Thurlow Fri 21-Jun-13 22:33:03

She sounds like she is a drama queen. But if someone tells you something in secret, why on earth is your DH/DW supposedly exempt from that?!

Samu2 Fri 21-Jun-13 22:33:50

I tell my husband everything, friends know this when they share anything with me.

Correction, I don't tell him everything because that would be boring and pointless , but I can't promise not to share something with him, especially if the secret is big and would also play on my mind.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 21-Jun-13 22:34:47

Yabu its not his secret to tell.

When you get married you don't cease to be a person in your own right

tanukiton Fri 21-Jun-13 22:38:50

Why do you know ? I think your husband is stirring.. I tend not to tell others private matters to my husband as I don,t think he would be that interested. If I was stuck about helping someone I might. I don,t really see them as secrets as such just private. Next time he/she does this tell him to tell her that your not that interested also rise above your husband and his 'I got a secret and I,m not going to tell you nar nar nar'

Thurlow Fri 21-Jun-13 22:39:40

That's rather unfair, samu. One thing to want to share everything in your life, but not to share everything in someone else's life. How do your friends know you tell him everything?

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