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To NOT book DD a pamper party? She's DESPERATE apparently.

(143 Posts)
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 21-Jun-13 20:36:18

She's about to turn 9. She was/is a very shy child but this year has seen something of a turnaround. In fact I hardly recognise her. hmm

She's got some lovely friends old and new...she appears to be turning into a "pink and girly" girl and is asking for a pamper party....where they have a "makeover" etc.

I want her to have a pottery painting party.

AIBU not to do the pamper thing? It's going agin the grain!

frutilla Mon 24-Jun-13 21:27:44

Glad you booked the pamper party for your DD, OP. Personally I don't see the difference between face-painting and dressing-up box for small kids and pamper party for pre-teens. It's just a bit of fun.

PoppyAmex Mon 24-Jun-13 21:07:07

BiBiBroccoli said: "It's not my job to trample on the things they fancy doing for fun, as long as those things are safe and age appropriate."

"I am a feminist and as such believe in the right to choose. [...] she might choose to be a SAHM, she might choose to be a pole dancer."

The point is make-up/nail polish/mock cocktails aren't age appropriate.

Erm... I wouldn't say that's a feminist position.

BiBiBroccoli said: "I feel absolutely certain that letting her wear lip gloss to a party or letting her have a party where she gets glitter nail polish and a sodding hair clip will not have any bearing on this."

I think it's great you have "absolute certainties" about the future.

We know the vast majority of pree-teens/teenagers in the western world have deep seated body issues and struggle to reconcile what they see in the mirror with ads/films/tv etc.

Look I understand this is a parenting choice; we're different people and that's fine, but to say that nail polish and make-up on prepubescent girls isn't sexualising children is disingenuous at best.

Boomba Mon 24-Jun-13 18:20:11

Yy euph. I don't really have any objection to dressing up. My kids pretty much help themselves to my mail varnish and makeup, when they are bored

But the idea, that it is a theme for a party isn't good at all.

And I agree with the poster earlier, that said building self esteem/confidence on 'pampering' ain't great

Thisisaeuphemism Mon 24-Jun-13 17:23:15

No one is pearl clutching at 9 yr olds in lippy.

Some people including the op feel pamper parties are ick. I agree. I think girls have been sold a right turkey if they feel paying someone to make them look pretty is as good fun as it gets.

It IS curious that nowadays girls want to 'be pampered'.

thebody Mon 24-Jun-13 16:56:48

I am sure she will love it op.

Never understand the choosing party for your child. My 4 have had footi, cricket, pamper, Ice skating,old fashioned party games at home, bouncy castle slide BBQ in the garden, meal out with just family and now dds teens meal out with friends and slumber party.

It's their choice as long as you can afford it.

FFs let's keep the pearl clutching at a 9 year old in a bit of lippy!!

BiBiBroccoli Mon 24-Jun-13 16:13:43

PoppyAmex - as someone else on the thread said I am a feminist and as such believe in the right to choose.

My daughter might choose academia and a career, she might choose to be a SAHM, she might choose to be a pole dancer.

I feel absolutely certain that letting her wear lip gloss to a party or letting her have a party where she gets glitter nail polish and a sodding hair clip will not have any bearing on this.

It's my job to bring my kids up with a rounded view of the world, a head full of possibilities and a ton of self confidence. It's not my job to trample on the things they fancy doing for fun, as long as those things are safe and age appropriate. I don't thing a bit of make up on a saturday afternoon sexualises my child but each to their own.

5madthings Mon 24-Jun-13 16:07:19

I think as long as its age appropriate and it sounds like it will be with glitter etc. Then fine.

My ds3 would love it! And i dont like the early sexualisation of children but a bit of nail polish, glitter, sparkly/coloured hair spray etc is fun.

Ds3 is eight and he got a tinkerbell make up kit at xmas its all glittery ans buterflies and jewels and little stencils to help do designs on cheeks. Just like face painting etc. Ds3 loves it.

My ds4 (5) and dd (2) both have bright orange nail polish on at the moment as they saw me painting my toes and wanted the same. Its fun!

I wouldnt let them use mascara/eye liner eyc but a bit of lip gloss and glitter is fine. Ds2 and ds3 both have little lip glosses in a funky tin. Bought for in the cold weather, i would have just got a cheap lipsalve but they saw the funky little pots and wanted them.

halcyondays Mon 24-Jun-13 15:45:36

Yabu, it's her party, so I would let her choose whatever kind of party she'd like as long as it's within budget.

louee93 Mon 24-Jun-13 14:34:16

Sorry, just noticed that you cant host at home.

louee93 Mon 24-Jun-13 14:30:34

InApologies if anyone has said anything similar, but you could get some recipes for face masks and stuff, so they could make oat and hobey face masks or avocado or whatever, (or buy the montagne jeunesse facemask sachets) maybe get some nail caviar in (something different and can get loads of colours in from poundland.) They can also experiment with making healthy smoothies with exotic fruits, so there is a health element as opposed to just lippy and eyeshadow. Get in some munchies and films and im sure theyll have a great time.

Growlithe Mon 24-Jun-13 12:30:14

I think the OP is letting her girl be a girl. She is obviously not into this stuff herself, but is letting her 9 year old have some choice and influence into what she wants to do, rather than imposing on her what she thinks she should be into.

She has booked a 'pamper preeny precious princess pinky puffle ploppy party', not an Ann Summers party. Why do you think these girls are being sexualised? Do you know what, some people like glittery stuff because it just looks nice. That has nothing whatsoever to do with sex.

PoppyAmex Mon 24-Jun-13 10:42:56

"I just don't get all the shock horror reactions to little girls liking girly stuff"

Make-up/nail polish etc. are not "girly" things, they are appropriate for women.

I find it interesting that people who support campaigns like "Let Girls Be Girls" and are frankly horrified at the sexualisation of young children have no issue with pamper parties.

ovenbun Mon 24-Jun-13 10:01:18

its such a tough one isn't it?
Perhaps you could do a slightly different one like ask for a funky feet party and so that the have sparkly pin toenails (you could do funny things like using a foot spa?...or a hair style party? i dont know why i would feel more comfortable with that than make up but I would..

BiBiBroccoli Mon 24-Jun-13 10:00:37

Glad you have gone with the pamper party. I just don't get all the shock horror reactions to little girls liking girly stuff and wanting to act grown up.

I have an 8 year old who loves this kind of thing. She also loves reading, dancing, art, biking and a million other things. She is a 'girly' girl and wants to play at being grown up. Last night she asked me which one of One Direction I had a crush on. She is clueless about what it means but she is just playing at being older than she is. I can remember being just the same.

It doesn't mean you will turn into a vacuous lolita with no self confidence who is unable to face the world without a spray tan, boob job and barbie frock.

I have a degree, a great career and a lovely husband. I also have my nails done and like sparkly stuff. The two things are not mutually exclusive!

I hope she has a lovely party!

Fairylea Mon 24-Jun-13 09:48:37

Neo - but if a number of them have had pottery things already maybe that's precisely why they want something different?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 09:41:12

Bonsoir I've booked the pamper party....said that earlier.

Bonsoir Mon 24-Jun-13 09:24:34

I think that if you insist on pottery painting (or some other craft party) you might have a lot of bored and difficult 9 year olds on your hands!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 08:27:40

Listen...Upthread I explained that I cannot host at home. For verious reasons. I would if I could.

FairyLea as I said upthread these are young 9s and a number of girls have had pottery painting this year....they're not mature and enjoy craft parties.

Fairylea Mon 24-Jun-13 07:49:23

Yabu. My dd is 9 and pottery painting would be considered completely babyish by her and her friends, sorry. They are year 5.

She her birthday is coming up soon and she wants to take 4 friends out with us for pizza and the cinema in the evening.

A pamper party would also be appreciated.

It's her birthday. Her choice.

MortifiedAdams Mon 24-Jun-13 07:46:13

The hair up and nails painted would bother me, but the disco sounds odd and I would not be happy at cocktals ((yy, I know they are just fruit juice but selling them as 'cocktails') and light make up

FanjolinaJolie Mon 24-Jun-13 07:45:28

I agree with OP I can't stand the concept of pamper parties for little girls, the idea is just foul IMO.

What about something along the lines of craft but a little more tailored to her ideal, there are some brilliant products on yellow moon eg where you can make/paint jewellery, piggy banks, design and paint T shirts. Or an active party eg ice skating, disco at home.

CambridgeBlue Mon 24-Jun-13 07:38:18

Not sure what I'd do in the OP's situation, I'm torn. But I think you can totally blame the TOWIE/celeb culture for the existence of pamper parties - not because kids watch it but because idiots adults do.

PoppyAmex Mon 24-Jun-13 07:34:52

It's a tough one OP.

I think it's a bit of a funny message to say that DD will foster confidence through a pamper party.

Confidence doesn't come bottled in a glitter varnish and you run the risk of following that thought process further and do things like letting her dye her hair because it will be good for her self esteem.

Having said that, if she's totally committed to the idea, I like someone's suggestion up thread of turning it around a bit, doing it at home, inviting boys and making it a fun event.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 07:23:00

Thanks. flowers

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 24-Jun-13 07:22:49

Meant to add that Growlithe you make me feel better about it all.

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