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To think this does NOT make me the wicked stepmother?

(39 Posts)
HayFear Fri 21-Jun-13 16:10:41

Two stepsons (17 and 16) stay with us every saturday night. We've lived in this house literally a week today meaning they have so far spent one night here (and that weekend my two kids were at their dads house meaning it was just the two DSSs here). It went great. No problems.

Tomorrow, my kids will also be here meaning there will be 4 teenagers in the house, two with special needs (his DS2 has autism and my youngest DS has ADHD). I'm stressing slightly just thinking about it but I know we'll cope.

Then, DSS1 (17) text his father asking if his girlfriend can stay with us Saturday night too shock. My argument was no because:

He shares a room with his younger brother
We'd have to pay for her to come to the cinema with us (at a time when we're really trying to cut back on spending)
The house is already going to be full of people.

DP was not happy and said the youngest lad could sleep in the dining room. How is that even fair?? we specifically bought a 4 bedroomed house so that his kids could have their own room and nobody would be made to sleep in the dining room yet all of a sudden the one lad that needs his own space due to disability is chucked out of the room to make way for the eldest's girlfriend?? Anyway DP made it clear that he'd say no but his DS would know it was me being awkward as he knows his old man would do anything for him hmm

The lad then text back saying "ok, maybe not sleep over but can she come to cinema with us and then you take her home?"
She lives over 25 miles away!! so that would mean DP driving 25 miles to pick her up, back 25 miles to take her to the cinema with us, back again 25 miles to drop her back at home and then back 25 miles to get home himself??? I was diplomatic but more or less said the suggestion was a piss-take. He reluctantly text his son "no can do, sorry mate" and turned to me saying he wasn't going to keep saying no to keep me happy and at some point I'd have to accept that his son has a girlfriend that we need to encorporate into our weekends. We're struggling for money as it is and he see's his kids ONCE a week - would it really hurt the lad to be away from his girlfriend for the one night a week he's with his dad?

The lads own mother refuses to do it!! Am I being the wicked stepmother?

BridgetBidet Fri 21-Jun-13 17:00:02

Hang on. You had me till:

Another question this raises is - if it's going to work out that his two are no longer sharing the bedroom (if one is going to be sleeping in the dining room) - is it still fair for them to have the largest bedroom whilst my two have the smallest bedrooms

You've forbidden this girl coming anyway and don't seem to want her to come in future so why are you bringing this up as an issue?

Also your DP seems to want to include the girlfriend because he is afraid he won't see his son as often otherwise. I think that's quite a commendable attitude, at least he wants to see his son. And you've not really allowed him to make the decision because he's not happy with it, you've made the decision about this.

There's something about your posts that just makes me feel like you're being obstructive and difficult and trying to make your eldest stepson feel unwelcome and less willing to come.

The fact that you're talking about kicking them out of their bedroom because of overnight visits that you've said won't happen anyway just seems like you're looking for excuses to get one over on them.

It seems like your DP and his son seem to be trying to compromise and work something out but you're just saying no to everything.

Hareseeker Fri 21-Jun-13 17:04:47

One week after moving house, absolutely not. The whole family need time to settle in to their new environment before GFs start to be thrown into the mix. One weekend is the minimum time required. YANBU

DamnBamboo Fri 21-Jun-13 17:07:05

I tend to agree with ImToo although also say, that you never know what is going on below the surface.

And the fact that they will grow up and not want to spend any more time there eventually and accuse his dad of just trying to keep him sweet.... seriously, listen to yourself.

tootdelafruit Fri 21-Jun-13 17:25:25

op you say you bought a four bedroom house so his dcs can have their own rooms, especially his youngest as he has a disability- but then you say they share a room?

also, I remember a previous thread about there not being enough room in the car for all of you 6 plus dss1's girlfriend to go for a family meal- how then would there be enough room for you all to go to the cinema together?

mumofweeboys Fri 21-Jun-13 19:28:59

Could the girl not stay with him at his mums on friday, then she could get last bus/train home on saturday night.

Portofino Fri 21-Jun-13 19:40:15

Didn't you post about this already?

Bobyan Fri 21-Jun-13 19:44:40

If you think your DP is probably a wanker, it's because he is.

Shame on you for moving in with him, you were clearly warned last time you posted that your kids deserved better.

MammaTJ Fri 21-Jun-13 19:47:18

Haven't you already posted about this twice before?

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 21-Jun-13 20:12:14

Just to say thanks to those who have reported this - we are on the case.

BridgetBidet Fri 21-Jun-13 20:18:01

Why has it been reported?

Oldraver Fri 21-Jun-13 20:19:17

Seriel poster about the same old shit

Portofino Fri 21-Jun-13 20:55:31

Tis not good form to accept people's well meaning advice, then name change and go through it all again. Well there are cases where it may be acceptable.

BridgetBidet Fri 21-Jun-13 22:09:45

What was the original name? Nosy, want to see the thread!

CookieLady Fri 21-Jun-13 22:10:21

Can't believe you moved in with him.

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