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family holiday

(16 Posts)
renovatinghouse Fri 21-Jun-13 00:43:00

Pil have invited us to go away for the weekend. They will pay for the place where we will all stay - including bil and his family. Pil are very generous and have given me nothing but kindness.

Here is my problem. Every time we go away with the whole family, bil and sil always get the best rooms. No exception, even when we have paid for the rental. Pil have a clear preference for them that it is shown in many ways. I do not expect to receive anything from PIL, and certainly not any financial help, which they give to bil frequently, but I feel a bit hurt.

I don't particularly like these holidays but dh does - he is very close to his parents - so I don't want to become a wedge between them.

Am I petty to feel disappointed that bil and family will yet again have separate, private and quiet accommodation (sp) to themselves while we get the noisy rooms shared with pil? I will be off with a smile in my face but I am really bothered by this and I am annoyed to feel like this. Also, I am afraid that I will not be able to hide it. Fwiw, bil has two toddlers and we have a toddler and small baby. Sorry for long post. Iabu?

WildThongsHeartString Fri 21-Jun-13 00:59:04

Yanbu to feel hurt by this. Like many things in life I suppose you will just have to let it wash. If you were to drop in a comment at some point like "oh you're so lucky to have so much space again" would it help or not?
Probably not I suspect.

Renovatinghouse Fri 21-Jun-13 01:07:06

Thanks wild, I was thinking to drop a comment like that but knowing myself, I will get a red face and show my displeasure. So better to let it go and not be bitter. I know it's a small thing, but why does it bother me so much? I gently mentioned it to husband, but he does not like me criticizing pil, so just said "I can go with the toddler while you stay at home with baby if you want. Do not have to come". But I do have to go because family should come first...

grandmainmypocket Fri 21-Jun-13 01:09:02

I honestly don't know what to say. I wonder if PIL genuinely don't realise they're behaving like this. How does DH feel about this treatment?
I get sidelined a lot by family and friends, it used to upset me a lot. But now I try to be more positive, by taking nice treatment as a bonus. That probably sounds silly, but if you concentrate on the fact that you like them and you all get along. And it's quite a nice thing to have anyone pay for a holiday. Maybe that would soothe a bit of what you're feeling. Try not to take it too personally. It's hard I know, but otherwise what's the alternative? It could create really bad feelings between you all.

Numberlock Fri 21-Jun-13 01:09:55

Staying at h

Numberlock Fri 21-Jun-13 01:11:35

Staying at home with the baby while he takes the toddler sounds the better option to me.

Renovatinghouse Fri 21-Jun-13 01:14:21

Thanks grandma, I really appreciate your comment. It's true that they are being generous. Maybe PIL think that we are better off than bil, so they lend them their car to get there while we have to pay for our train tickets. I don't mind to pay, of course, it's just that they never seem to ask us if we'd like to stay in the bigger place or if we need a lift. And bil and sil both have good jobs and more material stuff, but they always complain that they are skint when they are really not. I guess that has nothing to do with this. Many thanks for your replies, I feel better already!

Aniseeda Fri 21-Jun-13 01:19:18

YANBU. Could you have a word with PIL and say you are worried the baby might wake everyone in the night (even if he/she won't) so could you have the furthest rooms this time?

Renovatinghouse Fri 21-Jun-13 01:20:59

Hi Number, I agree and I wish I could stay at home but husband always comes along for any gathering in my family, so I would feel bad staying behind.

Numberlock Fri 21-Jun-13 01:39:42

Put yourself first for once. Tell them you're making the most of having some one-to-one with the baby and ditto husband and toddler. How often do these holidays take place?

grandmainmypocket Fri 21-Jun-13 01:41:31

Maybe it's also that you and your DH don't complain, so maybe the loudest complaining voices are being heard. I've just discovered recently that people are oblivious, so I agree with Aniseeda. Saying it really diplomatically.
Your family set up sounds lovely though, if your DH is supportive with your family and you get along with his. I would say, you're totally right to feel agrieved. But not to let it take over the nice relationship you seem to have.

AlfalfaMum Fri 21-Jun-13 01:51:19

Honestly, I think you should cut yourself some slack this once. You have a small baby, you don't need to be made to feel like the poor cousin. DH and your toddler will have a lovely time I'm sure.

Are there any lovely friends or relative you and your baby can go to visit? Have a weekend of fun.
Perhaps you could try to organise a separate weekend with PIL (ie without BIL), either away or have them to stay?

Renovatinghouse Fri 21-Jun-13 01:54:58

Thanks. These weekends happen only once a year but they are doing a longer one in the summer. Which they booked on dates that suited bil and family and not us, so most likely I won't be able to go.

Maybe I should be more vocal, because bil/sil definitely complain and manipulate very effectively. I am afraid that I am starting to dislike them (not pil though) as it seems a pretty recurrent selfish behaviour enabled by pil.

Anyway, thanks again ladies! Very useful to get it out of my chest. Have a good night!

Renovatinghouse Fri 21-Jun-13 02:09:45

Hi Alfalfa, sorry, had not seen your post. I can definiely have a very nice weekend with my mother and sister smile but I will miss my "lively" toddler! Will think about it. Thanks!

Renovatinghouse Fri 21-Jun-13 02:12:17

And we often have pil to stay, which I love as they are always very helpful.

MidniteScribbler Fri 21-Jun-13 02:26:21

Depending on where you are staying, could you book a separate room/cabin? Say that you want a bit of privacy (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*) on your weekend away, and need a bit more space. They can then either offer you the bigger room, or you pay for your own. Then your DH still gets his weekend away with his family, but you also get the privacy.

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