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Is it unreasonable to find the toddler stage SO hard?

(42 Posts)
ScarletLady02 Thu 20-Jun-13 19:13:35

My DD is 2.5 and I must admit I'm really struggling at the moment.

She is so frustrated and upset a lot of the time. She's really sensitive and has little meltdowns over the silliest of things. If she drops some food, or her drink she's saying "sorry" and acting really concerned about it. It makes me feel like I tell her off all the time, when I never do (she's not really naughty - I don't see this behaviour as naughtiness) She also seems to be getting a bit of separation anxiety and her sleeping is suffering. I'm trying to work out if she still needs her day-time nap. If she doesn't have it she's very tired and grumpy by 4pm. If she does have it, she won't got to sleep until at least 9pm and then she doesn't get a full night (still wakes at 7am) so is grumpy the next day.

I don't get the anxiety...our home life is very stable. At the moment as we're both looking for work, we're both at home nearly all the time with her, she gets a lot of one on one time from both of us. We don't argue (in front of her, and rarely do anyway), we're both laid back. In certain situations she's incredibly confident. With adults, and at baby groups etc. But if I put her on a swing she totally freaks out (what toddler doesn't like swings??)

Sorry, it's quite hard to get all this into a cohesive post that makes sense. My nerves are frazzled and I've ended up in tears the last two days with her random tantrums...Reading the post back, it doesn't sound that bad, but I'm having a real hard time coping with it. Nothing holds her attention for long and she's terrible when she's bored.

I know parenting is supposed to be challenging but I feel like I'm failing her somehow...surely she should be happier?

Squitten Thu 20-Jun-13 20:39:54

YANBU. I remember finding the toddler stage of DS1 so very hard and constantly panicking over what kind of monster we would end up with if we didn't fix him somehow!

DS2 is now embarking on his toddler stage and screams over really bizarre stuff like not getting to open his own bananas grin We laugh about it.

It's not permenant and it will pass - promise!

bedhaven Thu 20-Jun-13 20:44:54

I feel your pain, am currently sitting on the stairs doing repeated returns to bed all because DD 2.5 fell asleep on the way home. It does seem to be the cusp of the end of naps. It started with refusal to nap at home followed by an early evening from he'll, now the evenings are better so long as there is no nap. I'm still unsure what the best option might be? Maybe a short nap? My friends tell me it will never be as bad as it is now, so I'm going to cling to that hope!

VinegarDrinker Thu 20-Jun-13 20:47:00

Mine has just fallen asleep 1.5 hours after being put into bed. He had an hour's nap at nursery (tbf I don't blame them, he was in such a grumpy melodramatic state anyway I dread to think what he'd have been like going all day without a sleep).

BoomChicaBoom Thu 20-Jun-13 21:18:06

Vinegar, that is very wise, wish I'd had that foresight! Dh and I also of the laid - back disposition that you describe!

Tailtwister, we are also having that nap inconsistency thing, he usually doesn't sleep in the day, but occasionally he'll crash out like it's all caught up with him. Always makes his night time sleep a nightmare though so I sympathise with the constant change. Also makes it difficult to plan things sometimes.

BoomChicaBoom Thu 20-Jun-13 21:22:33

Oh, and sudden random upsets like the fact that he didn't want to go on a pirate ship - completely out of the blue, no suggestion had been made that he did go on a pirate ship! Amazing what pops into their heads...

Afritutu Thu 20-Jun-13 21:48:01

I have one of these, she is 3.5 now and is basically a sensitive flower, can be very shy and clingy around people she doesn't know or when I am around to cling too. Her sleep has been awful for last 6 months, she wakes frequently and wants to sleep with me (which is only way any of us get any sleep). She is very big on imaginative play, and I think her mind is very over active which is why she seems to blow up a lot over very small things (tears more than tantrums) and is extremely sensitive. She is lovely, but it is exhausting.

morganster Thu 20-Jun-13 22:00:47

Toddler years were the hardest for me I think. But mine's not a teenager yet so I don't know if we've been through the worst. It's fairly normal I think to be driven to tears - well it was for me anyway. There are certain things that hold their attention for longer. For mine it was sand and water table in the summer. Or some plastic animals - she'd play for hours with them. But other things - you'd get it all out and she'd be bored in minutes. Sleep and eating (having been fine before) went to pot at age 2. She started waking at 4 or 5am, despite the fact we'd not managed to get her to sleep until 10pm. And refusing lots of food. I don't know how we got through. You just do. But don't be worrying is what I wanted to say. Just do what gets you through and don't worry if things aren't perfect. It's just what they do. I have a reasonably normal 7 year old now and life is considerably easier. Keep calm and carry on and all that smile.

MoetEtPantsOn Thu 20-Jun-13 22:04:53

I have a 2.5 year old and it's just the same. My older one was awful until she was about 3.5. Sorry.

On another note I have since found out that often children who have ear problems hate swings. My older one has had repeated ear infections and grommets put in twice. She has always hated swings. Apparently it makes such kids very nauseous as they find it harder to regain balance.

ScarletLady02 Thu 20-Jun-13 22:28:25

Thank-you so much for all the replies, it's so nice to know we're not alone!

Her favourite thing at the moment is she loves going to places....but doesn't like being AT places.

When we're at home she's all "Go to Nanny and Granddad's?? Go see friends??" soon as we get there she wants to leave and she's saying "Go see Daddy!" or "Go see Jake!" (our dog). She could walk around outside (she much prefers walking to the buggy now) all day, but as soon as we get somewhere she's off again!

Ah least it'll help in my weight losing quest grin

Plus, I've just given myself new hair which always makes me feel better! I feel more "me" whereas for the last few weeks I've just been "Mum".

DoctorRobert Thu 20-Jun-13 22:37:18

Oh OP, I feel your pain! DD is 2.3 and this is definitely the hardest it's been so far. The added difficulty we have is that she's quite behind in her speech, so there is frustration all day long in not being able to tell me what she wants.

Earlier, she got so upset about being in the bath that she actually threw up in there. That was definitely a low point for me! She hasn't napped in the day since she was 18mo & we're both exhausted by bedtime.

She also hates swings (I thought she was the only one!)

BuntyCollocks Fri 21-Jun-13 00:02:51

My DS is 2.4 and a nightmare. He throws proper tantrums now (I especially enjoy BUT I WANT TO DRIVE THE CAR), and massively favours DH over me just now. Previously he was so sunny, easy going and a complete mummy's boy. It's breaking me in two tbh.

This too shall pass.

Until it does, I shall drink copious amounts of wine.

robertal1978 Fri 21-Jun-13 06:26:27

I think at this age they are so funny! son tells me he wants a new mama n dada if we tell him off for anything and the dog gets put in a headlock for nought lol

Snog Fri 21-Jun-13 06:51:48

What is her dad like with her?

ScarletLady02 Fri 21-Jun-13 07:41:24

Dad is the fun one, she is definitely a Daddy's girl. Most of her tantrums/meltdowns are because Daddy's gone out and she wants him hmm

So yeah...I'm with you "BuntyCollocks* - it's hard sometimes.

He is great with her though, we're both looking for work at the moment and he's quite prepared to be a SAHD should I find a decent job first.

jamdonut Fri 21-Jun-13 07:50:12

YANBU, but it doesn't get any better! Teenagers have meltdowns etc,etc and are just as hard work!!!smile

ScarletLady02 Fri 21-Jun-13 07:55:37

grin Thanks for that jamdonut

I'm hoping she takes after me as I was a really easy going teenager, whereas DH was the complete opposite.

PickleSarnie Fri 21-Jun-13 08:03:16

I love toddlers. If I could give birth to a two year old, I'd have loads. Although it would sting a bit I imagine.

I find the baby bit getting there bloody relentless and a slog though.

Everyone is different.

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