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to be jealous of the gender of SILs baby!

(35 Posts)
rowtunda Thu 20-Jun-13 13:26:37

Ok I know this is absolute nonsense and don't know why I feel like this. I'm pregnant and so is SIL (4 weeks behind us) we decided not to find out sex whereas SIL has just found out that she is having a girl.

For some reason this has made me really jealous!! We both already have DS - hers will be 4 when baby born mine will be 2. They live very close to the in laws and gets tons of help, grandparents do childcare 2 days a week and loads of weekends, whereas we are 100s of miles away and don't get any support, work fulltime - generally knackered constantly with no social life .

I think I am probably reacting this way because I have a feeling that ours will be DS and that all the attention and praise will be placed on the first granddaughter. MIL is a bit overbearing when it comes to grandchildren (secretly quite pleased there is a slight distance) but we are always told how difficult it is for DIL, nephew not sleeping etc. MIL often says this, how difficult it is for them, how she doesn't know how they have coped etc and it really bloody grates because we are soo tired looking after DS and working fulltime with no help so we find it pretty tough ourselves! Anyway MIL is likely to be ecstatic re: GD and is probably a bit a thoughtless so I can see it really pissing me off - but maybe it is just pregnancy hormones.

Also maybe I wanted a DD more than I imagined - up to this point I really didn't think I cared, in fact I get a bit worried about having a DD and having all the pink crap and princess party shit thrown at me, but now I think maybe I feel this way because I want a DD more than I thought.

Maybe I'm just really daft and competitive , jealous, horrible hormonal nightmare though. At the end of the day I can't wait to have another DC whatever gender and comparing myself to SIL at this stage is just going to end badly all round isn't it.

Give me some perspective wise mn'ers.

TartyMcTart Fri 21-Jun-13 15:03:51

And how did I know this thread would be about feeling jealous that someone is having a girl. These threads are never about the jealousy of not having a boy angry

BreasticlesNTesticles Fri 21-Jun-13 15:21:46

I want a boy!

Granted I didn't start the thread but...

FitzgeraldProtagonist Fri 21-Jun-13 15:25:46

I think because as a woman, I believe I may relate better to a daughter. I have only boys. They are lovely, but I would so love a girl. I have had the name picked for 5 years. Of course it may be that my would be daughter is of as much of a mystery to me as I am to my mother.

Having a boy would of course be wonderful - it would be something DP would consider life completing - I would love to give him that. I would be grateful for firstly a conception and secondly a healthy child.

On the parental assistance point, it may not come at a high price but usually comes at an equally high cost in terms of keeping ones mouth shut. Also, MiL is more likely to see the day to day struggles of the nearby, living further away the daily grind is not so visible.

Good luck

kerala Fri 21-Jun-13 17:06:07

My sils baby boy died recently we are all so sad for her. He was her first Just wish for a healthy child for both of you

Stillhopingstillhere Fri 21-Jun-13 17:18:09

I have a ds and really wanted a girl next.
However there is no next.
We are infertile.

Stillhopingstillhere Fri 21-Jun-13 17:20:00

And now I'd just love a 'next' of either gender.

DehydratingManiac Fri 21-Jun-13 17:25:57

Tarty, there are plenty of threads the other way round. My preference was for a boy too. smile

In our family it's the other way round. My brother has two DDs and a DSD, I had a DD and then I fell pregnant with my last child and the last grandchild (my brother's finished with babies too) and I know he felt a bit despondent about me having the only grandson. He also knew that it was unfounded really as a feeling but it was just a whole heap of things going on, complicated for him by his girls having various health issues. The simplicity of the last baby being utterly healthy and a boy to boot was difficult for my brother and I understood it completely. I don't suppose sharing your feelings with your sil would help? You'd have to be close. I talked to my brother about it all and the hidden seething disappeared and as we talked about it, it all lessened and the reality of course is that a baby is a baby, sex is largely irrelevant. Now ds is here and a couple of years old, he's not a boy, he's just X, the young and occasionally irritating one.

It's fine. You're not unreasonable really, just pregnant. They share traits I admit, but you're feeling hormonal and that'll pass. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

CommanderShepard Fri 21-Jun-13 17:51:29

nancerama I was the same - DH's teenaged cousin had a baby 5 weeks after my EMCS and crowed about only having had gas and air and how natural it was.

I sobbed for way longer than I'd like to admit.

(Wasn't quite true anyway; she had diamorphine and ventouse)

GiveMumABreak Fri 21-Jun-13 18:16:56

Jealousy is such a strong emotion that we all feel from time to time! IMO It takes a hell of a woman to admit to it (and there is half your battle won, just by admitting to yourself how you are really feeling you are on your way to managing those feelings!)

Congratulations on your impending birth! He / she will be wanted and loved and doted on by all involved!

By the way - it really DOES get easier - you're doing a great job!

ilovecolinfirth Fri 21-Jun-13 19:05:18

Big hugs to you. Yeah, I can imagine its exciting for the family that SIL is having daughter, but in my opinion what is more exciting is that you haven't found out what you're having. On the big day it is the most amazing feeling to meet for the first time your beautiful son or daughter and to make that announcement. I think finding out on the day what you have, regardless of its a son or daughter, is so much more amazing than everyone knowing for the past 20 weeks.

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