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Oops, that's gone down well

(42 Posts)
QueenofallIsee Tue 18-Jun-13 19:38:14

BIL popped round (sort of person who should have a sandwich board and bell so sure is he of impending doom) bouncing ds2 on his knee..
ds2: are you happy now Uncle x?
BIL: of course little man, why would I not be
ds2: cos Mummy says you are a right sad case.

awkward! shock

minouminou Wed 19-Jun-13 23:34:49

We have two friends called Ben. One can be a bit of a knob, so he became Wanky Ben. The other, obvs, was Non-Wanky Ben. Both work in IT

A few years ago we were having hassle with our computer, and NWB offered to fix it for a pint, and we took him up on it.
Before he came round to do it, we went to visit WB, who also very kindly offered to sort it.....

Me: "Nah, it's ok, thanks, Non-Wanky Ben's doing it...."

HeffalumpTheFlump Wed 19-Jun-13 22:44:11

When I was little I asked my aunt and uncle why the rest of the family called them 'doom and gloom'. They are actually really lovely and I think it was kind of an affectionate nickname luckily. They just didn't know about it!

RevoltingPeasant Wed 19-Jun-13 22:38:53

DSis 3 walked up to our elderly, former-headmaster neighbour when she was about 4, said "Penis" quite emphatically, and walked away.

My mum was like blush blush blush

QueenofallIsee Wed 19-Jun-13 22:28:43

oh Calamity Kate, am in awe of the Dave tat lady..closest I have is a woman with her own name tattooed on her neck (my joke about every photo being admissible as id was met with stony silence) but Dave on the knuckles! loving her work there

CalamityKate Wed 19-Jun-13 20:44:48

A bloke DH used to work with used to go out with a woman called Dave.

Well to be fair her name wasn't really Dave but that's what everyone at his work called her, because she had "DAVE" tattooed on her knuckles.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 19-Jun-13 20:39:53

We had vile neighbours as a kid.


Luckily I can't remember it...unlike my mum...

Theoscargoesto Wed 19-Jun-13 11:11:41

We lived in a small close, one neighbour had a daughter about 15, call her Mary. The boy next door, call him John, used to babysit for dd when he was about 15 and dd 4 or so. One day she saw a man in the close, and asked if he was Mary's dad. Yes, he said, proudly. In a conversational tone, dd said, John says Mary is a tart. I still blush now.

FobblyWoof Wed 19-Jun-13 10:54:17

Yesterday I told my (8) that I'm expecting my second child. He clapped and said "well done". blush

Not sure he understands how it got in there!

hellsbellsmelons Wed 19-Jun-13 10:51:41

Thanks all for making me smile on a Wednesday morning!

Theselittlelightsofmine Wed 19-Jun-13 10:50:36

I have a builder Dave in my phone smile

ballinacup Wed 19-Jun-13 10:44:36

We had a selection of Daves at college. There was Big Dave, Ginger Dave, Library Dave, Little Dave and Cardiac Dave (he had a very mild heart attack on the first day). However, Cardiac Dave became Respiratory Dave a year later after he ended up with a collapsed lung...

QueenofallIsee Wed 19-Jun-13 10:40:11

Love these! My daughter (aged about 18mths, she is now 15) dropped her dolly in the High Street while out with my very proper scottish Granny, she said 'ahh, pack of bastards' and picked up said dolly. Cue ear ringing lecture than still resonates 14yrs would think that enough to teach me to engage brain before gob wouldn't you

lachrymavitis Wed 19-Jun-13 09:31:00

My son shouted "hello grumpy lady!" and waved cheerfully at our less than friendly neighbour.

She smiled...maybe she's got a sense of humour after all, or maybe she's deaf.

SoupDragon Wed 19-Jun-13 09:24:08

I once asked my mother whether the lady she was talking to was the nosey old cow.

Apparently it was.

teacherandguideleader Tue 18-Jun-13 21:59:56

I remember once at my grandparents my little bro (aged 2) piped up 'Daddy told you not to wear that top as it clashes with the wallpaper'.

50shadesofbrown Tue 18-Jun-13 21:49:44

When DH was little, at school one day they were talking about what everyone's parents did, in class. It got round to DH who was about 5 at the time and, instead of saying 'my daddy is a builder, shop manager, miner' etc, he said 'my daddy is a drunken pig'. Apparently this is what his Dgm had told him. My Dmil was mortified. (it was a bit true though. A little bit.) grin

PrettyKitty1986 Tue 18-Jun-13 21:44:03

We have a neighbour who screeches at her dog daily... 'Oh GOOD boy! You're eating it ALL! You're GREEDY you are, GREEDY!' and so on. We can hear her in the garden from three doors away.

Df and I for years called her 'fishwife' for obvious reasons. Then when ds1 was 3 we passed her on the street and he said, to her, clear as a bell 'hey FISHwife! You have a funny name! Why are you called FISHwife?!?'

musickeepsmesane Tue 18-Jun-13 21:36:52

We have a good friend we fondly refer to as 'mad alison'. She didn't know (we have 5 Alisons' so had to give 4 nicknames). She came for a visit and my youngest 2 cherubs very innocently called her 'mad' all day. They thought it was her name blush Luckily she knew we meant mad in the best possible fun way!! smile

SisterMonicaJoan Tue 18-Jun-13 21:33:05

Sorry, your friend must have been mortified..

SisterMonicaJoan Tue 18-Jun-13 21:32:19

chirpchirp You must have been mortified! Hilarious though grin

ohforfoxsake Tue 18-Jun-13 21:32:06

Everyone has Dave Builder in their phone contacts surely?

Cravey Tue 18-Jun-13 21:31:02

Haha many many years ago my sil was training to be a hair stylist. She wasnt getting on very well. My dh said suggested to me I let her practice on my hair. My reply was she is not coming near my head with a bloody bargepole. Fast forward to a family party she ruffles my sons hair and says oh look you need a haircut. Cue my darling so telling her oh no mummy says you not coming near our heads with a bargepole. Whoops.

chirpchirp Tue 18-Jun-13 21:28:26

A friend of mine submitted plans for an extension to their house and their neighbours objected, plans were changed and resubmitted several times and every time the neighbours lodged an objection before finally admitting the reason for the continuing objections were that they simply didn't want my friend to have a bigger house than them!

A few weeks after the dust had settled friends little girl who was about 3 at the time happily (and loudly) announced "oh look mummy! There's the bastards from next door!" When she spotted them at the supermarket!

littlemrssleepy Tue 18-Jun-13 21:25:22

All 3 of my Auntie's married Dave's. Then one got divorced and married another Dave. I used to think you could only be an uncle if you were called Dave.

KneeDeepInDaisies Tue 18-Jun-13 21:18:33

DS1 told MIL that I said all DH's family were bossy.

My face-shock

I replied- obviously I wasn't talking about you. To be fair she laughed.

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