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To have politely informed this woman that I will not pay to attend her wedding

(203 Posts)
AmadeusRocks Tue 18-Jun-13 19:14:18

Received an invitation to a former colleagues wedding about 8 months ago (wedding im november this year) and was a bit shocked that they had listed out the menu inside with the price (£35 per head) underneath. Accepted the invitation thinking they were just being showy bastards and bragging about how expensive the food will be, DH thought the same, however this woman was once a good friend of mine so we accepted. I was a bit hmm about the mark Jacobs perfume on the gift list as well.

I have just received a message on Facebook as follows:

Twatwoman: hi Amadeus, sorry to bother you so soon after the birth of your new baby but was just wondering if you could possibly transfer the £70 for yours and H's meal at the wedding to me soon, the caterers are getting on our backs! Account details: XXXXXXX

Me: hi twatwoman, me and ds are fine thanks for asking, I'm a bit confused, are we paying for our own meals at our wedding?

Twatwoman: haha yes, it's a bit modern isn't it, but I suppose it's only the same as going to a restaurant but with all your friends

Me: hmmm I'm not sure it is the same really, I mean at least when I go to a restaurant I don't have to make an 80 mile round trip, sit through hours of watching you pose like a duck beside a tree, listen to your drip of a husband moan about how wonderful you are and I get to select my own food. I think me and DH will have to decline on this occasion. All the best.

She has not responded.


BrianTheMole Tue 18-Jun-13 19:26:55


patienceisvirtuous Tue 18-Jun-13 19:27:19

*a drip

harryhausen Tue 18-Jun-13 19:27:32

The last bit of your reply is pure fantasy.

You let her down gently then grumbled into your beard, didn't you.

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 18-Jun-13 19:28:37

YANBU to "politely inform" her you won't be attending. YABU to send that really rude email.

phantomnamechanger Tue 18-Jun-13 19:29:44

I believe the invitatiin happened.
i dont believe the OP actually wrote that response - thought it yes, is wondering how to respond/get out of going, but not that she wrote that.

waltermittymissus Tue 18-Jun-13 19:30:09

There's no way you wrote that back.

rainbowfeet Tue 18-Jun-13 19:30:38

Blimey if this is the start of a new trend I am defiantly getting married again & christened & baptized & confirmed!!!!!!wink

AmadeusRocks Tue 18-Jun-13 19:31:13

I genuinely did write it the last two sentences anyway grin

ZillionChocolate Tue 18-Jun-13 19:31:21

I don't believe you would be so rude as to send that response.

Why would you accept the invitation of someone you clearly dislike so much? Just to get a free £35ph meal? Sounds a bit grasping/desperate.

ParadiseChick Tue 18-Jun-13 19:31:33


ZillionChocolate Tue 18-Jun-13 19:31:54

That's a relief!

ParadiseChick Tue 18-Jun-13 19:32:35

X post

So you just wrote your declining, all the best?

DarkWinter Tue 18-Jun-13 19:32:41

My DP was invited to a wedding once, where he had to pay for his own meal. They wouldn't let him have a plus one in spite of this, so I refused to invite them to our wedding as a result.

ParadiseChick Tue 18-Jun-13 19:32:52


DebsMorgan Tue 18-Jun-13 19:33:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babycino81 Tue 18-Jun-13 19:34:00

I think you're a legend. YANBU, especially when a gift list is involved as well!

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 18-Jun-13 19:34:02

YANBU to decline but you would be unreasonable to have written that! glad to see you didnt....

just decline. make your excuses.

i wish i had when i was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend - i didnt want to and told her, but then got guilt tripped into it, only to find out she wanted me to pay for my own dress.....hmm

ChocsAwayInMyGob Tue 18-Jun-13 19:34:17

YABU-ish. The reply was a little OTT, but I am more shocked at the presumption that it's OK to ask guests to pay to attend a reception!

Weddings are becoming a massive slavering greed fest and some couples need to be told that certain behaviour is unacceptable and will make them very unpopular. If they are not told, Greedfests will snowball until nobody can afford to accept invites any more.

However, I would have replied something like "Sorry, we can't afford to come. The cost is too much coupled with accommodation, travel, childcare and a gift."

I also think the bride is very rude to effectively say, "yeah I know you've just given birth, but that'll be £70 please, hurry up"

bemybebe Tue 18-Jun-13 19:35:06

YABU, sorry. And very rude.

NoelHeadbands Tue 18-Jun-13 19:35:50

So you didn't send that response? confused

waltermittymissus Tue 18-Jun-13 19:36:08

So what you actually wrote was

"I think me and dh will have to decline on this occasion. All the best"?

That's not U. However, she's probably miffed that she had to chase you down for the money and you've just done a 180!

Tbf, she probably assumed you were ok with it since you got the 'price list' and still accepted!

DebsMorgan Tue 18-Jun-13 19:36:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bemybebe Tue 18-Jun-13 19:36:46

...and so was she incidentally. But you did not ask about her.

ChocsAwayInMyGob Tue 18-Jun-13 19:37:34

Ah, so you send a polite response. In that case YANBU totally and she is a greedy cow.

AmazingBouncingFerret Tue 18-Jun-13 19:41:25

pictures or it didn't happen.

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