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Aibu about my birthday

(16 Posts)
TheMagicToyshop Tue 18-Jun-13 17:16:41

My first Aibu so please be kind, I may well be being a bit precious about this...

I've got a 'big' birthday coming up soon. Plan with DP was for the two of us to go to a v fancy lunch (we've both taken the day off, we have no DC) then a party in the evening. I invited DPs sis and her P to the party, although they live a while away. A few days ago DP was on the phone to his sister and I heard then arranging for her and her P to come down for the party, great. After their chat I said to DP I'm happy for them to stay that night (after the party) but would rather have the morning/lunch to ourselves as planned. He said fine.

Today she's sent a message 'confirming' with us both that she and her P will be staying both nights. I assume DP hasn't spoken to her. I now feel we're going to have to play host, make them breakfast, invite them to the lunch. Although I like them both, they're hardly close friends. DPs sister can be quite self centred (never asks me about me but talks a lot about herself) and is fussy about food so wouldn't like the lunch place we had planned to go to etc. I just don't particularly want to spend my whole birthday with them.

AIBU to be a bit miffed and ask DP when I see him this evening to tell his sister not to stay here the first night (they do have other friends in our town who they've stayed with before)? If so how can I explain my reasons so as not to offend him/her or make things awkward between us?

DarkWinter Tue 18-Jun-13 17:20:26

Let them stay the night, but explain you already have plans that you can't change for the lunch. They can amuse themselves for a couple of hours, surely?

TheMagicToyshop Tue 18-Jun-13 17:22:19

I think that's what DP's going to suggest - but I don't want them to stay even. Possibly that is the part I'm BU about!

WafflyVersatile Tue 18-Jun-13 17:27:36

what is 'a while away'?

I'd try 'oh there seems to be some confusion. We have plans for the day and the invite was just to stay that one night'.

Otherwise let them amuse themselves while you have your lunch.

DarkWinter Tue 18-Jun-13 17:27:55

YAdefinitelyBU about that, I'm afraid.

EuphemiaLennox Tue 18-Jun-13 17:30:17

Let them stay but explained about your lunch beforehand.

Why don't you want them to stay for the extra night?

TheMagicToyshop Tue 18-Jun-13 17:31:49

Waffly - a few hours by train.

I was thinking about potentially 'remembering' I have plans the night before also... thus making it much more convenient all round for them to stay with their other friends.

TheMagicToyshop Tue 18-Jun-13 17:34:30

Euphemia, its partly because as i say i find her slightly self centred and not a close friend so not keen to spend loads of time with them. And also if I'm honest because I don't want to play host to others, I want to be showered with attention (and possibly have a rather long lie in) with DP on my birthday!

BigBoobiedBertha Tue 18-Jun-13 17:39:16

I can't decide if you are BU or not.

On the one hand, its a birthday, it isn't worth making a big fuss about so YABU.

On the other hand, it isn't nice having your plans hijacked by other people who have their own agenda especially when they will want to change something you have been longing forward to and they won't enjoy so YANBU.

Sounds like it is a mess of your DP's doing (or not doing if he didn't explain the situation properly) and it is his sister so get him to sort it out.

BigBoobiedBertha Tue 18-Jun-13 17:40:20

Whoops - 'looking' forward to not longing.

Shelby2010 Tue 18-Jun-13 17:43:07

1. Get your DH to sort it out with her, he can tell her he's planning a romantic breakfast in bed for you if necessary. And that you won't be around during the day.

2. Arrange to stay in a nice hotel the night before your birthday, then they can stay on their own if they want!

YANBU, if you invite people for one night then it's rude of them to try & extend the invitation in this way.

pictish Tue 18-Jun-13 17:43:27

Maybe they don't want to travel for hours and then go straight to a party?
I wouldn't...I'm always knackered after a long journey.

Yanbu overall though, I understand your pov...I too would feel invaded by having to play host.

It's a tricky one. Dunno.

EuphemiaLennox Tue 18-Jun-13 17:44:45

Yeah I don't know if you're unreasonable or not.

Seems a bit precious you don't want them to stay, but no real good reason for objecting. Still just not wanting to is often a good reason.

If you can make excuse to get out of it without causing problems do it.

If its going to create lots of bad feeling, suck it up, but go for your lunch.

TheMagicToyshop Tue 18-Jun-13 17:45:23

Thanks - thinking about it I think DP will be happy to tell them we're going for the lunch without them (especially as it is a kind of food she hates) but will not want to tell them to stay elsewhere , but looks like I'll have to accept I'm being U on that.

pictish Tue 18-Jun-13 17:55:06

If they are travelling hours to come to your party, and they're family, I think you'll have to swallow them staying the 2 nights.

I know...I would iek me too, and marr my perfect day, but there you have it. They're going to a lot of effort to be there.

pictish Tue 18-Jun-13 17:55:35


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