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To be shocked so many women are defending Saatchi on MN?

(192 Posts)
PoppyAmex Mon 17-Jun-13 16:53:16

Thread about a million other threads...

I'm disappointed to read the comments of so many women spouting apologist crap regarding Saatchi's heinous behaviour:

"he looks like he's checking her glands"
"we don't know what she said before he did that"
"we need to hear his side of the story"
"we don't know the background"
"she must be mortified"

YABU to be genuinely shocked with just how many women chose to align themselves with such despicable behaviour?

It makes no sense to me.

dufflefluffle Mon 17-Jun-13 17:28:22

* What could possibly excuse a man putting his hands around his wifes throat?*
Yes it does look terrible but it did cross my mind when I saw the photo what if he was telling her a story say like this: "yes! he put his hands around his throat like this...really! and then the next thing....."
I tend to speak while demonstrating with my hands so a snap shot of my conversations might be fairly incriminating too.

WildlingPrincess Mon 17-Jun-13 17:28:55

I didn't see any?

PoppyAmex Mon 17-Jun-13 17:30:19

Yes Duffle, he was telling her a story.

A story that made her cry.

MadBusLady Mon 17-Jun-13 17:32:41

Duffle, unfortunately for that theory he has admitted that holding her neck repeatedly during an argument to emphasise his point was exactly what he was doing.

BIWI Mon 17-Jun-13 17:32:56

Have you seen the rest of the photos, duffle? Where she is clearly crying and upset? Doesn't look like he was just 'telling her a story' to me hmm

PrettyKitty1986 Mon 17-Jun-13 17:33:58

Oh for gods sake.

I end up crying every time df and I argue. It's mainly because that is how my frustration and anger comes out. I curse myself for it every time.

Most arguments with df I'll readily concede are started/accelerated by me. Yet i still's not a sign that df is abusing me hmm

ARealDame Mon 17-Jun-13 17:34:06

What I've been shocked about is how people who have different views, or just thoughts or curiosity on it all, have been verbally attacked and bullied and called c**ts (irony). As if a kind of liberal Hang 'em and Flog 'em brigade was mobilised into action, just weird and verging on hysterical. I know the pictures were shocking and strange, but people are entitled to their own genuine thoughts and opinions (I'm not talking about trolls) without being personally attacked here.

mrsjay Mon 17-Jun-13 17:34:31

A story that made tears fall down her face

bobbywash Mon 17-Jun-13 17:35:04

As I say only going on what I've seen which is two photos. I do think that sometimes on MN people are to quick to rush to judgement. Until she gives her version, I think it's bad but I would like to get the complete picture before having him publicly flogged

DV of any sort should not be tolerated and I'm not condoning CS behaviour, but there is an awful lot of "he's evil" when no one really knows what happened. I will readily accept that there must be more photos that the two I saw, and from what I've read they will put it in a different perspective.

SorryMyLollipop Mon 17-Jun-13 17:37:21

What someone else said - he admitted that he was holding her neck, during a disagreement, whilst repeatedly making a point. Seriously, thats his excuse? Does he actually think that is ok?

Hideous behaviour.

If anyone did that to me I would be very upset and would feel very intimidated.

ARealDame Mon 17-Jun-13 17:37:59

There was definitely a 'string him up' mentality that I found pretty unpleasant actually, talk about judge and jury. I mean even the police asked for more information.

dufflefluffle Mon 17-Jun-13 17:39:20

No, I didn't see any other than the original one posted on MN. I believe they are awful and wouldn't like to see her distressed. I'll take your word for it. My point was only that if one has seen only the first flagged picture there could have other intrepretations.

ApocalypseThen Mon 17-Jun-13 17:50:33

It's very concerning that so many people are open to the idea that there's any reasonable explanation for putting your hands around another person's throat.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 17-Jun-13 17:53:50


I don't think there are that many. The ones there are haven't read all the stuff or seen all the pictures. They haven't read his statement

TolliverGroat Mon 17-Jun-13 17:54:57

PrettyKitty, no, obviously the fact that you cry during an argument when you are feeling frustrated and angry isn't a sign you're being abused. It's a sign that you are feeling frustrated and angry. Yet Saatchi claims that their argument was "playful" rather than angry. Do you normally cry when you and your df are being playful?

The sign that Nigella is being abused (hmm) is that her husband thinks it is perfectly fine to repeatedly put his hand around her throat to "emphasise a point". The fact that she's crying merely undermines his argument that it's "playful".

BlueberryHill Mon 17-Jun-13 17:55:17

Madbuslady makes a really good point.

In these situations there could be an alternative view and until the police investigation has concluded no one knows for sure. However, there is also a view that in most instances this looks very intimidating and aggressive behaviour and would take a lot of explaining away.

If my DH put his hands around my neck several times whilst making a point in an argument I would be very intimidated, shaken and reconsidering my relationship. He never has, he never would.

Bogeyface Mon 17-Jun-13 17:58:42

I wonder how he would feel if she playfully took a baseball bat to his bollocks, you know, just to emphasise a point that he is a nasty tempered bully

mercibucket Mon 17-Jun-13 17:59:02

i would think anyone who believed a photo to show the whole truth would be pretty naive
i wouldnt rely on a photo plus tabloid story for anything

the statement by saatchi, however, is damning.

ghayes Mon 17-Jun-13 18:00:43

It looks bad but a still picture can never be used to condemn someone unreservedly. There are plenty of famous photographs that are misleading as to what actually happened.

Thisisaeuphemism Mon 17-Jun-13 18:01:59

I'm shocked too, poppy.

ApocalypseThen Mon 17-Jun-13 18:06:23

I don't think there are that many. The ones there are haven't read all the stuff or seen all the pictures. They haven't read his statement

I don't think any of that matters. Some people think there's probably a valid explanation as to why you'd put your hands around another person's throat other than being violent, abusive and controlling. The fact that they'd have to read statements or look at more photos to accept that there just isn't is worrying.

yamsareyammy Mon 17-Jun-13 18:06:50

From what I have seen, it did happen on the first original thread. And it was before a lot of posters had either seen the pictures, or had not read any background at all to them.
Discarding those and a troll, there may have been a couple of posters left?

yamsareyammy Mon 17-Jun-13 18:07:31

Oh, and this is my 4th thread on the subject!

FobblyWoof Mon 17-Jun-13 18:17:04

Ok, the only possible reason for him having his hand across/round/grabbing (whatever you want to call it) her throat would be if he was retelling a story about how someone had their hands around someone's throat. That was not the case here, even Saatchi himself has said as much, never mind that the photos make it pretty obvious that they are arguing so he couldn't have even used the example above if he'd tried.

I also frequently cry when me and DP argue (mainly through frustration) but my DP has never laid a fuckng finger on me, never mind had his hand on my throat.

Even if Nigella didn't look terrified (which anyone with eyes can see that she does), even if she looked pissed off instead, it doesn't make having your hands on someone's throat acceptable.

And the 'well, you don't know what she said before that' brigade- do fuck off hmm . It is irrelevant what was said before then. There is nothing, absolutely nothing (apart from an immediate threat to my child's life) that would ever make me grab someone's throat. Ever. Not DP's, not a strangers. There is not a scenario (again apart from an immediate threat to my child's life) where I would consider this an appropriate thing to do. Anyone who does is just awful. I don't give a fuck if you're a man or a woman- that is not on.

The photos show Saatchi to be a violent cunt and his statement only serves to prove this with shitty and far fetched excuses. First it's a playful tiff then it's an intense debate. It can be one or the other, not both.

yamsareyammy Mon 17-Jun-13 18:23:17

Absolutely Fobbly.

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