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To tell DH to fetch it himself?

(168 Posts)
GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:38:57

Bit of background - DH likes bikes. Not like a normal person might but in the way that a train spotter likes trains. This has caused some tension over the years but I try to rise above it. DH has over 20 bikes in various states of partial dismemberment. He yearns to buy more "vintage bikes" (aka rubbish) all of the time and spends hours looking at pictures on e-bay. It is quite sad really.

Yesterday he runs into the kitchen telling me he had found a bike with the perfect 1950s cranks on that he had been looking for for months. His for a mere hundred and something pounds, but not to worry because there were bits on it he did not want that he could sell for twice that. He has never sold one single bike bit despite saying something similar each time he buys one. I tell him he knows my feelings about bikes and what our finances are like but he is an adult and I am not going to stop him spending the money he earns. Two minutes later he comes into the kitchen, the proud owner of yet another bike. I grimmace.

He comes to give me a hug and is very lovey. I think this is because he has bought the bloody thing and is trying to win me over. But no, there is more to it. Turns out the bike is collection only from London. We live over a hundred miles from London. However, I work there. He wants me to collect it from a suburb it will take about 40 minutes to get to after work and then somehow I have to get it back to the mainline train station and then in my car at the other end. I told him to get his own fecking bike.

His reply to me was that I was being totally unreasonable and he bet that if he was on something like mumsnet and asked everyone would agree, so I told him I would ask. If you lot tell me IABU, I will go and get the damn thing. If not, he is on his own. So, am I?

It is incredible rude for any partner to take on commitments for the other one without any consultation.

Its one thing his obsession taking over his life but he shouldn't be trying to impose it into your life too.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:55:10

LayMeDown - well put!

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:56:18

No votes for DH so far. He he he. I am forwarding him the link now.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 17-Jun-13 10:56:35

There's not a chance in hell I'd be doing it!
He gets it himself or he doesn't have it - simples!

DeepRedBetty Mon 17-Jun-13 10:58:11

Can I be first to say LTB grin!

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:58:14

For my sake, keep the responses coming. DH lives in a universe where he is always the calm voice of reason and I am some totally unyielding mad woman who won't comply with the most reasonable of requests.

FanjoPaterson Mon 17-Jun-13 10:58:19

Oh, sod off! YANBU. You could not be less U if you tried.

My DP likes to ask me to collect bits of old motorbikes from all over the city. I have yet to say yes. Not your collection, not your responsibility.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 10:59:11

DeepRedBetty - it would certainly free up a lot of space in the house if he and his bikes were to depart for pastures new.

pinkpanther79 Mon 17-Jun-13 11:00:53

Vote for you!

What are you supposed to do if the bike is not in a fit state to cycle or too big for you when you pick it up? Walk it back to the station. Also will you be allowed to take it on the train at all, bikes are banned at certain times on a lot of trains.

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 17-Jun-13 11:01:46

YANBU. Tell him to get on his bike ...

YAsoooooooNBU. Tell him to get stuffed!

How the hell do you manage to store that many bikes- are the taking over the entire house too by any chance?

Cerisier Mon 17-Jun-13 11:03:06

This is an unbelievably unreasonable request from your DH.

And how rude to ask you after buying the bike- so somehow it is your fault if it costs more to get it home.

So you are expected to go massively out of your way and ride some ancient bike with goodness knows what sort of brakes or tyres. This is an accident waiting to happen.

He is being unreasonable, entitled and putting you at risk. He sounds an arrogant arse.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:03:41

ChazsBrilliantAttitude - I asked him that. He told me that he was absolutely certain it would be rideable, well pretty certain, fairly certain, well he thought so. Clearly as far as he was concerned, that potential issue was under the heading "things for my wife to worry about".

Allalonenow Mon 17-Jun-13 11:04:42


EldritchCleavage Mon 17-Jun-13 11:06:41

What kind of twat spends family money on a hobby he doesn't even do very well (no parts sold to recoup costs, bikes badly stored and in disrepair rather than properly restored and maintained) against his partner's wishes, tries to make her do his fetching and carrying for him and then has the cheek to characterise her as over-emotional and unreasonable when she won't?

You're being more sanguine about this than I would be, OP (and I'm married to a train-spotter).

Cerisier Mon 17-Jun-13 11:07:03

I am fuming on your behalf. Not only because of this but because of having to put up with all the old bikes at your house. I hope they are in some outhouse/garage and not in the main house.

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:07:19

Cerisier - "He is being unreasonable, entitled and putting you at risk. He sounds an arrogant arse" - I may forward that to him for his particular attention.

I have sent him the link to this but have had no response so far.

NightmareWalking Mon 17-Jun-13 11:08:45

YANBU! It's your DH's responsibility to work out how to get his new toy home.

PeppermintPasty Mon 17-Jun-13 11:10:14

I vote for you purely on the basis that he is daft enough to think we would all agree with him.

Mr Goosey, you are a twonk grin

GooseyLoosey Mon 17-Jun-13 11:10:32

They are in the cellar, the loft and the shed. I think if possible he would also have him in the lounge and the bedroom, but if that came to pass it would no longer be my problem as he would be living alone.

To be fair to DH, not sure how optimistic he was about me fetching this for him, but he is giving it his best shot.

EldritchCleavage - your post will wound him deeply!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 17-Jun-13 11:10:44

OP, you are obviously being completely reasonable. That is a request that is far, far beyond reasonable that he's making.

Underneath which, there's a lot of anger going on here, right? He spends all his spare cash on useless things, reneges on his repeated promises to sell things off, and makes your home unpleasant for you to live in.

Your stated response to this is obviously black humour and acceptance, but I think that you need to address this properly, because it's fundamentally eating away at your relationship.

You CAN expect your life partner to take your opinion into account when spending "his" money, since it's your joint lifestyle and future that is affected. You CAN expect your life partner not to take up your home with junk. Etc.

lashingsofbingeinghere Mon 17-Jun-13 11:11:02

YANBU The sheer presumption! Tell him if he wants the bike, he gets it. FWIW my DH would never dream of making such an inconvenient arrangement. He wouldn't even bother to ask, because he knows what my answer would be.

Goldmandra Mon 17-Jun-13 11:11:24

He needs to get a grip of this obsession.

He consulted you and then ignored your response.

He then got all smoochy and cuddly in order to get you to do something he knew you wouldn't want to do.

Now he wants you to add a really shitty journey onto the end of your working day, riding it not know how safe it will be and manhandling a cycle on public transport.

I have to declare an interest in that my DH has a similar obsession about cars and we have conflict about the space all the bits take up.

Having said that, even though he is not blessed with the best emotional literacy in the world, he wouldn't ever be stupid enough to ask me to go through that in order to add to his collection.

YANBU, OP. He needs to realise the impact his obsession is having on your life. So what if it costs more to get it couriered? He should have got a grip and realised that he would have to pay for this before he bid.

Tell him to grow up and take some responsibility.

Cerisier Mon 17-Jun-13 11:12:11

Please do Goosey.

I am married to a train enthusiast but he would never expect me to run around for him.

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