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twats!!!! headstone and facebook

(30 Posts)
Altinkum Sun 16-Jun-13 19:01:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBerryBush Sun 16-Jun-13 19:04:27

My Dad is buried half a world away - I Google Earth it - just so he knows I'm there.

onetiredmummy Sun 16-Jun-13 19:06:48

I have something similar, my mum died 2 years ago. Every time its her birthday, mother's day, christmas & whenever they feel like it I'll log on & relatives will have posted a photo that's the first thing I see.

Its upsetting as although I know they're within their rights to put a photo up, its only been 2 years & seeing a photo of her when I don't expect is a shock & very unwelcome.

FeckOffCup Sun 16-Jun-13 19:10:28

It's your cousins' dad's headstone too, I can see how it was a nasty shock for you but lots of people I know have been posting photos of their deceased fathers and saying they are in their thoughts today, personally I wouldn't post a photo of a headstone but maybe it helps them deal with losing your uncle in their own way?

Altinkum Sun 16-Jun-13 19:15:35

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FeckOffCup Sun 16-Jun-13 19:19:23

Ok I'm confused now, you say the headstone is nothing to do with them, is it not their father that is also buried there or is he also the uncle of the facebook posters?

Altinkum Sun 16-Jun-13 19:22:07

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FeckOffCup Sun 16-Jun-13 19:27:38

Did they refuse to pay towards the cost of the headstone? I am guessing there's a backstory here but if it's their father's grave too I think they have the right to put flowers etc there if they want to and to take pictures of it, as I said previously it's not something I would do but they are also dealing with the loss of their father.

morethanpotatoprints Sun 16-Jun-13 19:32:44

I know where you are coming from OP.
Was it your Uncles wishes to be buried next to your Dad.
i know in my family there was trouble because something had been arranged for several family members to be together in the same plot. by the time it got to the last one, there was no space for him.

Yes they will have to sort their own arrangements for plaques etc. It seems like you are going to have to get used to their fb behaviour, so sorry that you have to endure this, when you would rather not be like that yourself. Perhaps have a word with them and ask for privacy where your dad is concerned, they surely don't have to photo the whole thing. I would tell them you prefer quiet privacy and have nothing against how they celebrate the life/ grieve for his passing of their dad.

BaconKetchup Sun 16-Jun-13 19:38:09

YANBU, and I must admit I also find it quite horrible when people post photos of headstones and things on Facebook. It's so irreverent and disrespectful somehow.

livinginwonderland Sun 16-Jun-13 19:38:10

But it's their father's grave too :/ I understand that seeing it might upset you but they have just as much right to post about their father's death as you do about yours.

Ashoething Sun 16-Jun-13 19:40:49

You really need to get over this.

Bunbaker Sun 16-Jun-13 19:41:57

Well, I learn something new every day. It simply wouldn't have occurred to me to do anything like this.

I like to keep memories of my dad to myself, not post it on the internet for everyone to see.

ParadiseChick Sun 16-Jun-13 19:44:57

This is why I'm glad none of my relatives are buried or have stones. There is no obligation of possession or display of loss. My loved ones that have passed are everywhere, I can remember them without a lump of granite to remind me. Think of a special place you and your dad had, remember him as he was for what he was, not what's been left behind.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sun 16-Jun-13 19:46:00

YABU

it's Father's Day and they have just lost their dad. You are grieving after ten years (which is totally natural) so surely you can understand their grief and their need to get through it in whatever way they can

Who owns the plot? Presumably whoever owns it could have have a new gravestone erected with both names on?

gordyslovesheep Sun 16-Jun-13 19:47:29

Maybe stay off your DH's facebook - it sounds a bit like you went looking to be offended

I understand how hard today must be for you but it is for them as well - try a bit of empathy

AnaisB Sun 16-Jun-13 19:54:40

They are choosing to grieve in a different way to you, but that's fine. If it upsets you avoid Facebook on father's day.

chunkythighs Sun 16-Jun-13 19:56:26

Sorry but I think you are unreasonable too. It's been 10 years- this can't have been the most tactless experience you have encountered.(I was personally told that I was the 'luckiest' woman in the room as I was widowed young.hmm)

Without doubt it was tasteless (IMO) but your cousins family have a right to celebrate their dad too. Backstory or not, the man (your uncle) is in the grave now, he was a father and he was loved- his children have a right to mark it in their way. Remember your dad in your own way.

Altinkum Sun 16-Jun-13 20:06:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish Sun 16-Jun-13 20:09:41

Yabu. You might own the plot of land, but you don't own their grief.
Their father is buried there. They did nothing wrong.

You are being selfish I'm afraid.

McNewPants2013 Sun 16-Jun-13 20:18:09

I remember you posting a few weeks ago about this, was your uncle abusive or not very nice. ( sorry if I am wrong)

NarkyNamechanger Sun 16-Jun-13 20:33:22

Sorry I not think you are over it at all.

NarkyNamechanger Sun 16-Jun-13 20:33:49

*don't

Altinkum Sun 16-Jun-13 20:42:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Altinkum Sun 16-Jun-13 20:44:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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