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to be furious with my aunt

(19 Posts)
whattodo472 Sun 16-Jun-13 18:47:10

my grandfather received no fathers day cards at all. he had 3 children, my mum passed away in November ( his youngest child) and today on what is already a really difficult day for him neither of them have bothered to send him a card. I didn't expect his son to he has always been useless preferring to show up when the going gets tough then Swan off. my aunt phoned today to say she has no money to send him anything at all. she works full time as a manager for a major retailer. lives hundreds of miles away but couldny even buy a card and post it. she is not skint we are facebook friends and this is definatly not the case. I am furious my mum didn't have much money but she always bought a present and made him feel special

ENormaSnob Sun 16-Jun-13 18:52:21

Id say its got nothing to do with you.

I hate the expectation of fathers day, all the gushy cards and shit.

Maybe she has her reasons for not sending a card.

exoticfruits Sun 16-Jun-13 18:55:59

Maybe they don't do Father's Day. You could send something.

Tee2072 Sun 16-Jun-13 18:56:59

Why didn't you send something?

whattodo472 Sun 16-Jun-13 18:57:28

she does fathers day when she can be bothered it seems, feel sad cause he has done a lot for her . I did take something for him today

ruby1234 Sun 16-Jun-13 18:57:32

Why aren't you furious with your uncle too?

ThisWayForCrazy Sun 16-Jun-13 18:57:35

Why didn't you send him a Grandfathers card?

HollyBerryBush Sun 16-Jun-13 19:00:14

Only she knows her financial situation - you know everyone is feeling the pinch - its all very well saying 'its only a card and a stamp' but you really don't know, some people keep a marvellous front up. Similarly you really don't know the dynamics of their relationship. And, TBH, as affronted as you are on behalf of your grandfather - it really is no one elses business.

whattodo472 Sun 16-Jun-13 19:03:33

my uncle I am annoyed with but he never bothers never has. I think its pretty poor to the year after he has lost his daughter not even buy a card. but then maybe she is skint like another poster says. she posts photos of nights out constantly and purchases which doesnt help me feeling like she's not. perhaps I am being unreasonable its been a hard day with how upset he was. he did get grandfather cards from us

pictish Sun 16-Jun-13 19:05:21

It's none of your business.
Furious? How inappropriate.

You can think it if you must, but to be furious? No!

whattodo472 Sun 16-Jun-13 19:08:06

probably a strong reaction I agree, should of worded differently. there is a lot of water under the bridge in her treatment of my grandparents. initial reaction was probably far too emotional feel so bad for him though. certainly seems that my judgement has been clouded by recent events though

fairylightsinthespring Sun 16-Jun-13 19:51:35

actually OP I disagree with the majority on here. Its your grandfather who you presumably feel close to. I assume you didn't send anything as it is father's day, not grandfather's day. Regardless of whether it is fake, Clinton Card sponsored etc, if it has been customary in the past to send cards it is a bit shit of the aunt not to send one - presumably the OP knows she hasn't because the GF has told her which DOES make it her business. And as for the money, Card Factory do 3 cards for 99p, if the Aunt was honestly too skint to afford that she wouldn't have internet access and a facebook account. The Uncle, well, if the grandfather is used to not getting anything from him, I can understand why the OP is less worked up about it than with the aunt. OP, I would suggest staying out of it as far as your aunt is concerned but maybe ensure that in future years you offer to see your GF on this day and make a point of talking about your mum etc

HamsterDam Sun 16-Jun-13 20:06:29

i understand how you feel op, i was surprised when i got to my grandads house today and he was on his own, was expecting my mum or one of the 2 aunts to have invited him for dinner. one is ill so fair enough she probably would have had him over to theirs, the other one he couldn't get hold of and my mum is god knows where doing her own thing probably with her partner and his kids. he did have cards and we took him a present but would have been nice for him to have a good meal and be looked after

whattodo472 Sun 16-Jun-13 20:12:49

im happy to see it from both sides and totally willing to accept i have been UR in my reaction. I have been there most of the day and he has been quite upset so i was probably abit more het up than i normally would be. i wouldnt go and cause problems over it but inwardly and too you guys on here i was venting. . but he got some lovely presents of me my brother and sister and some cake and i hope that it has brightened his day a little.

Jux Sun 16-Jun-13 20:34:30

At the very, very most, you could mention -nicely - to both aunt and uncle how upset he was. Note I said nicely. Don't contact them specially, wait until you're in touch anyway, and then tell them gently. Not chidingly in any way. It really isn't your business to moderate their relationship.

The best thing you can do is make it special for him yourself.

RhondaJean Sun 16-Jun-13 20:37:35

I agree with you actually op and I would be furious too in that situation that neither of them could even find the time and £1 odd to send a card, never mind come and see him.

And I do think when someone you love is hurt, then it is your business.

BegoniaBampot Sun 16-Jun-13 21:31:12

Do they have a good, loving relationship with their dad? I don't and although I did send a card (not sure if he got it yet) and phoned - I find it difficult. I have to pick my card carefully, as I can't send a loving, OTT one. Not everyone loves their father.

Conina Sun 16-Jun-13 21:38:30

I agree with the op. Kindness. Empathy. Sympathy. Unless your family had bigger problems than you've told us or perhaps, problems which you're unaware of, then at the very least it doesn't seem compassionate on a day when your grandfather will be thinking of his children and recognising once again his loss. I wouldn't say anything but I would look out for your grandfather.

CrapBag Sun 16-Jun-13 23:07:49

I get where you are coming from.

My dad came up today. I got him a card and present and cooked him a roast.

My brothers sent a text which he seemed grateful for (because he knew that was all the acknowledgment he would get from them).

Not quite the same.

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