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... To tell my neighbours?

(55 Posts)
WhoNickedMyName Sun 16-Jun-13 12:47:57

We've lived in our house for 4 years and in all the time we've lived here I go outside to smoke, round the side of the house where my DH has built me a little smoking shelter grin.

Last week, during that little burst of lovely weather, my neighbour knocked to ask me to stop smoking round the side of the house, as their conservatory and back bedroom smelled strongly of cigarettes. I was a bit hmm that this had never been a problem before, and smoke from my 3 cigarettes a day was floating across our two gardens (there is probably about 20 metres between our houses) and making its way into their house but agreed that unless it was raining, I'd go to the bottom of our garden for a cigarette in future.

I've just been hanging washing out. The neighbours car isn't there so I presume they're out somewhere. As I walked down the side of my house I could see their daughter through the gaps in the fence, standing at the side of their house, puffing away. She is about 12/13 years old. Their conservatory windows are open. She is no more than a couple of metres away. This is clearly what's causing their house to smell.

Whilst I don't want to drop her in it, I don't want my neighbours to think I've ignored their request, and if it were my DS I'd want to know.

Would you tell them?

SavoyCabbage Sun 16-Jun-13 14:18:17

When they smell her smoke again, they will think its you. So you will have to tell them.

BadgersNadgers Sun 16-Jun-13 14:36:07

I think you're going to have to tell. The daughter will fucking hate you though grin

raisah Sun 16-Jun-13 14:45:39

tell them, take a photo & if possible knock on their door the next time it happens & ask them to come round to see their dd smoke from your garden.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 16-Jun-13 14:53:21

Get DH to waylay them on their way in and ask if their hedge is on fire or do they know their DD has been smoking.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 16-Jun-13 14:59:50

Definitely tell them!!

Like the idea of a photo too.

If they have been smelling it often, it's no wonder they have been getting miffed with you grin

janey68 Sun 16-Jun-13 15:01:04

I wouldn't take a photo; I think that puts you on dodgy ground and things could turn nasty. I'd be most unhappy if a neighbour did that with my kids.
But by all means mention it- though I'm surprised they haven't smelt it on her yet. Smokers usually smell awful to non smokers (even after they've been liberal with the old body spray... It doesn't get rid of the stale smoke smell, just kind of blends into an equally unpleasant aroma!)

trackies Sun 16-Jun-13 15:02:35

yes tell them

Nancyclancy Sun 16-Jun-13 15:05:07

If my 13 yr old was smoking, I'd be very grateful to be told. Although I'd probably smell it on him anyway.

Take a photo but don't show them, they'll probably believe you if you've had a good relationship. If they don't believe you and her arsey then show them!

Raum Sun 16-Jun-13 15:05:40

Take a photo but don't say you have it until she denies it. Neck even claiming you have one will probably enough.

livinginwonderland Sun 16-Jun-13 15:07:26

I would take a picture and show them. I smoked for a bit at seventeen and covered it up by saying it was my best friend (who did smoke and my parents knew).

AmazingBouncingFerret Sun 16-Jun-13 15:10:08

Oh please update us once you've spoken to your neighbours OP.



Kooza Sun 16-Jun-13 15:12:14

Well if the shoe were on the other foot, I would WANT to know if my DD was smoking at that age. So yes, you should tell them.

Agree that a photo may not be the best approach, you tell them and then they need to decide what to do about it. Once they're aware of it she will have a pretty hard time masking the signs if they're looking for them.

Silly girl!

LadyFlumpalot Sun 16-Jun-13 17:19:55

Tell them. Maybe keep an eye to see what she does with the cigarette end. That could provide enough proof that it's her unless she's chucking them in your garden

SauvignonBlanche Sun 16-Jun-13 17:24:24

Cheeky mare, you need to tell them!

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 16-Jun-13 17:30:44

I'm another one saying 'tell them', but I'd phrase it really nicely as this is a conversation that might not go very well...

I'd want to know if it was my DC. Grass her up, it's character building getting in deep poo with your parents'.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 16-Jun-13 17:36:20

Tell them, I'd want to know if it was my dd.

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 16-Jun-13 17:48:47

Don't take a photo. It's creepy.
Go round and say this ' I'm just coming to let you know that I have done as you have asked and stopped smoking at the side of the house and have been using the area at the bottom of the garden. When I was there I saw ( name of daughter) outside your house smoking. You might want to talk to her about it. I just wanted to let you know. '

dubstarr73 Sun 16-Jun-13 17:53:06

Also i find people asking you to curtail your habits in your own garden weird.I dont smoke my neighbours do,id look like a sap if i asked them to stop smoking in their own garden.

CheungFun Sun 16-Jun-13 17:54:14

I'm with the not taking a photo group, but I think you should definitely tell them their daughter is smoking! She will get caught out at some point, so better sooner rather than later.

ParadiseChick Sun 16-Jun-13 17:56:07

Chheky gits! Tell them.

WafflyVersatile Sun 16-Jun-13 18:00:00

Tell her to shut the conservatory windows from now on and use your smoking shelter instead!

If you are going down the bottom of the garden now they will soon suss that the smell of smoke isn't from you. Or if they don't and mention it again just explain that it can't be you and they need to think a bit more laterally. Then wink at them.

WhoNickedMyName Sun 16-Jun-13 18:01:09

All's well that ends well - for me anyway.

I knocked after they arrived home. The DD had gone out. Just said that I was telling them because if it were me I'd want to know, that I'd seen their DD smoking earlier and the conservatory windows were open, so that could be the cause of the smell. Turns out she's 14, and they're having a "dreadful time" with her at the moment.

They were really sweet and seemed a bit naive actually - they were bewildered as to where she could be buying cigarettes from and why they didn't guess it was her in the first place - her bedroom is the back bedroom that reeks of smoke. They thought they'd only just noticed it and that it was me because it was really bad last week when it was sunny and all the windows were open.

Mrs Neighbour couldn't apologise enough and was terribly worried that I thought they were awful neighbours and the worlds worst parents. I told them I'd give them a knock for some advice when my DS reached his teens and we ended the conversation laughing about "bloody kids" and grey hair... Well I was laughing grin

The DD is probably sticking pins in an effigy of me right now.

KitNCaboodle Sun 16-Jun-13 18:05:46

I started smoking at 14/15. It's the biggest regret of my life. I'm pleased you told them and I hope they manage to persuade her to stop.
You both sound like thoughtful reasonable neighbours btw

WhoNickedMyName Sun 16-Jun-13 18:09:07

And I am Mumsnetting right now from my smoking shelter whilst having a fag and a glass of wine <classy> grin

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