My SD is 32 and runs her own business. Her particular line of work means there is a direct correlation between her income and the number of hours she works. She lives with her mum and stepdad so doesn't have the costs of running her own home.
She is staying with us for Fathers' Day and has asked to "borrow" £50. I say "borrow" in inverted commas because this is the umpteenth time over the years she has either asked for money or told her dad details of her financial situation in conversation which results in him offering to "lend" her money but she never pays it back. On the rare occasions she does have some spare cash and we happen to see her, she might offer to pay for lunch. I haven't been keeping track but if I had to guess how much we've given her over the years since she got her first full-time job at 17 it would be in the region of £2-3k.
Her dad never says no - partly I think out of residual guilt that he and her mum split up when she was in her early teens and he was the one to leave (although they still had very regular contact and he more than paid his share of maintenance) and partly because he still sees her as his "little girl"; she is a daddy's girl and quite young for her age in some ways. It has caused minor friction between us over the years, mainly because he and I have had some desperate financial times ourselves due to double redundancy but no matter how much we were struggling to make ends meet he would still try to help her out. This highlights some of the things (loyalty, generosity, sense of duty/responsibility etc) that I love about him but also infuriated me as I'd be trying to point out that I literally didn't have the bus fare to work but he was still proposing to give his daughter £X because she'd asked for it!
(And breathe!)
Anyway, we are now in a better place financially after several years of hard slog, although by no means dripping with cash and while we share our money, my husband is now disabled with very little income so the majority comes from my salary. My job is looking quite precarious so my view is we should be saving every spare penny in case it goes tits up and I take a while to find another job.
I should add that my SD is lovely, she is not manipulative, she is always apologetic about asking. She doesn't have an expensive designer shopping habit or go out clubbing every night, she is just a bit hopeless/naïve about money generally. This is her second shot at running a business of this type; she wound up the first attempt as the need to budget properly, organise her finances, keep receipts etc wasn't something that came naturally to her. (I doubt I'd do much better in a business context which is why I remain a cowardly wage slave!)
I am grateful that my husband has told me of her request rather than just giving her the money behind my back, but AIBU to think a 32-year-old businesswoman should be able to manage her money better and that in times of relative hardship, her first course of action should be to put more hours in at work rather than asking the Bank of Dad?
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AIBU?
AIBU to think my SD should learn to be better with money?
18 replies
OrangeFireandGoldashes · 16/06/2013 08:36
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