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To be annoyed at myself for not knowing what to say.

(43 Posts)
IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 15-Jun-13 18:27:03

The woman behind the counter at the local shop ( although I have never seen her before) said to DS " have you got your dad something nice for tommorow then ?" he looked perplexed and said no. " didn't you make something at school?" "Er..."
Ds looked really confused and I just stood there, and then said " oh, is it soon then? I hadn't realised. Thanksbye"
I actually hadn't realised it was tomorrow, but we dont do it anyway. Ds sees his dad about 5 times a year, and to send him a card saying Worlds Greatest Dad would be a bit weird. I mean,if ds suddenly decided to do that I wouldn't say anything, but I am not exactly suggesting it.
I wish I had fixed her with a steely glare and said..what? aibu to feel annoyed that she even asked? Surely she must know that not everyone has a dad?
It's the same discomfort I feel when the school has "dads day" . Grr. Ds never really say much about any of this stuff, so aibu to feel annoyed on his behalf?
Sorry, ramble, but its just got me thinking about it all. Should I make ds send his dad a card?? Aargh.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 15-Jun-13 20:15:13

I dont know about " in this day and age" . I knew loads of kids who didn't have dads 25 years ago.

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 15-Jun-13 20:26:09

I think all shop assistants should just keep their mouths shut at all times just in case they offend somebody.
Then of course we'll get threads about how rude they are.
They can't win.hmm

hersheys123 Sat 15-Jun-13 20:26:36

Actually every child does have a dad.

Tune in tomorrow for another startling biological revelation...

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 15-Jun-13 20:26:46

I probably wouldn't so about mothers in certain situations, no cortado.
I know a little girl with no mum ( no contact) just a dad, and that must be worse, I think, simply because its more common to not have a dad, and people do generally assume you have a mum.
i still think " dads day" at school is silly. It is supposed to " support male centred learning" or somesuch, in which case I dont see why they can't just have " mens day".

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 15-Jun-13 20:27:27

I think people are being awful to the OP....she's obviously going to be sensitive about the fact that her DS does not have an "active" Dad in his life ffs. how rude people are not to even consider that this might hurt at times and cause her to be sensitive and want to vent a bit.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sat 15-Jun-13 20:28:41

I agree that "Dad's Day" is silly. Why not "Special Person Day" where every child brings their special person....can be a parent, aunt, Grandparent, uncle, friend...whatever! It's far more inclusive.

JoyceDivision Sat 15-Jun-13 20:33:57

why not family day? Off tangent a bit, at my dds school they had a elderly parishoners (catholic school attached to local church) and egrandparnets lunch, andiere one class as their performace sang The Luminieres,but instead of 'I belong to you, you belong to me, you're my sweetheart' they sang 'Ibelong to you, you belong to me you're my Grandma.. I belomg to you,you belong tome you're my Grandad' It was absolutely ace!! grin

pleiadianpony Sat 15-Jun-13 20:38:11

A youth club leader I know was talking about making father's day cards with the kids last week. I asked him if he had any thoughts about the kids that didn't have dads at home. He said 'i hadn't even thought about that!' I despair of this ignorance.

YANBU to not know what to say...silly woman!

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 15-Jun-13 20:44:26

Why any sort of day really?
Both Mothers and Fathers days bring on so much angst on MN.
The only winners are the card manufacturers.

HooverFairy Sat 15-Jun-13 20:44:34

Hmm, I think (as lots of others have already pointed out) that she was only trying to make conversation, but that doesn't mean that YABU. If you'd have had a massive go at her then I would be saying different! But you didn't, you dealt with an uncomfortable situation. Some people just speak without thinking, its not really appropriate to ask questions like that. Your DS probably isn't phased by the question so please don't beat yourself up about it. Unfortunately, this is probably going to happen again so focus on equipping your DS with how to handle it rather than feeling guilty about his dad not being there for him. You are his world, and he wont feel like he has anything missing smile.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 15-Jun-13 20:54:36

AnotheLovely patently relationship break down doesn't mean the child doesn't still have two parents confused

I think yabu Op - I can understand why it bothers you,but for it to bother you enough that you wish you'd said something outright rude to the woman is a bit ott.

exexpat Sat 15-Jun-13 21:04:30

hersheys123 - 'actually every child does have a dad' - sadly not true.

My children do not have a dad because he died nearly 7 years ago.

Some children might have had a man involved in their conception who then walked out before they were born, or before they were old enough to get to know him.

Some children are the product of donor insemination by single mothers or lesbian couples.

Some children have fathers who are abusive, addicted, criminal etc and have never done anything to earn a place in the child's life.

There are plenty of children with no one to send a card to on father's day.

Musicaltheatremum Sat 15-Jun-13 21:07:59

This is my children's 2nd Father's Day without their father. He was 50 when he died. My own father is 80 and I really good health. I found it really hard buying his card again this year knowing my 2 (20 and 17) had no one to give to. I think people need to be tactful in these situations.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sat 15-Jun-13 21:20:04

Come to think of it, DS is lucky he has not had to deal with the death of a parent. And i agree lady beagle- the mothers day threads on here alone...!
I dont normally think about the whole missing dad thing, but DS is 7 now, and it is maybe beginning to affect him in other ways. I have started teaching him football, after i realised he did not have any clue what the rules were after watching him play with his friends! Ok, he is never going to be a massive footie fan, but i want him to be able to fit in!

crumblepie Sat 15-Jun-13 21:57:19

yabu seems like no one can mention anything nowadays without people getting annoyed .

maddening Sat 15-Jun-13 22:01:27

Yabu - the world can't start pretending that fathers don't exist just because your ex is a fool who doesn't treasure his beautiful son.

seesensepeople Sat 15-Jun-13 22:06:28

exexpat and musicaltheatremum - I will be thinking of you tomorrow xx

HamsterDam Sat 15-Jun-13 22:15:52

new girl at work asked me if i would be seeing my dad tomorrow. he died when i was young, it is uncomfortable for me because i don't like telling people he's dead. i didn't tell her just said I've only got my grandad and i will be seeing him . love my grandad he has been the best grandad ever, always made time for us taught us things and took us places. almost made up for not having a dad

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