To think BIL''s behaviour ruined our holiday

[OctopusPete8]

we went away the other week with DH's parents , his DB and his family.and our DC's
I have 2 kids under 5.
They have one child under 2,
Every morning BIL wanted to be up and out for 9am, and often it was to places where there was just shops, arcades and nothing else.
We explained to him that 9am-god knows when for a week straight is too much for a three year old and how about going places that were more 'doing something' but to no avail,
Would never wait for us and often leave us behind,
One incident DC1 was being ill behaved but took it upon himself to smack him, we werent there. I have no issue with discipline but I dislike smacking and when DH, told BIL he was out of line and not to do it again he had a very arrogant attitude basically said 'If he's naughty I will tap him the end'.
I awas unsure if I had been told the whole story, MIL who was there defending him and I told her I didn't believe I'd been told everything, turns out BIL smacked DC, DC smacked back and then BIL smacked him again,
It was dripfed though.
MIL defended his actions.
Another incident my DC enjoyed being in his cousins car, he was sick one day just the once. Instead of saying calmly 'would you mind him riding with you' he pointed and went 'He's not coming back in here, car stinks' DH asked would his DD have been kicked out of the car if she had been sick, he avoided the question.
DC was very upset, felt like his family didn't like him and was being punished for being sick.My and DH were livid, BIL does what ever he likes and nobody ever challenges him, ever.
I noticed a lot of double standards too , speeding off infront as their dc got upset in a still buggy and had to keep moving, but if our DC got upset/bored in endless arcades they had to learn .
Pfft, AIBU?

[mikkii]

No, YANBU. This is why we don't go away with other families.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

The holiday sounds like a nightmare. Did you not have an inkling that it might be like that?

[Groovee]

This is why we don't holiday with family.

[Dackyduddles]

Either stand up to the miserable fucker or don't go away with him. He must be like this at home too?

Argh sorry bit harsh. He sounds a bit of a twit. I'd avoid again. With any luck he doesn't want to holiday with you either though!!! :)

[picnicbasketcase]

In my experience, however much you get on with your ILs usually, they will piss you off if you go on holiday with them. The smacking part would have made me livid.

[lurkedtoolong]

YANBU at all. BIL sounds like a total knob. Never go anywhere with family again.

[FirstStopCafe]

YANBU I definitely wouldn't be going on holiday with them again

[RenterNomad]

YADNBU. Different expectations will ruin many a holiday. Given that this is your BIL, though, does this mean no more holidays, ever, with your PIL?

[Mintyy]

Fair point about the car vomit, all else he was BU and YWNBU to not go away with them again.

[wimblehorse]

Sounds grim.
Why did you continue to put up with it after first few days? I would have made own plans & maybe arranged to meet for lunch/dinner...

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

I can't believe he smacked your DC, twice! I would be so angry with him, good for your DC for smacking him back though! You would've had thought that would've made him think twice about what he was doing the big bully

[neunundneunzigluftballons]

We go on holiday with family most years but we are very choosy about which family members because you need a high degree of compatibility. Basically your bil is an arse but I do not understand why everyone had to do the same thing every day. We always decide what we are going to do the night before and then go together or do things apart and mix and match the kids depending on who wants to do what and the most suitable ages and then have a few drinks and chat all evening works great for us.

[HipHopHooray]

So he basically taught your child to smack??? I wouldn't have let that one go......

[CheesyPoofs]

This is what it's like when went on holiday with my sister and her family. We don't go away with them any more.

[TheseGoToEleven]

"OK, we'll see you later this afternoon then" - and everyone does what they want to.

[digerd]

Nasty BIL. The nastier somebody is the more pandered to that person seems to be. People are scared of them. Your DH must know how his DB is or has he changed? Whatever, never go anywhere with him again. Your MIL should be ashamed of herself for defending BIL's inexcusable behaviour.
Has he not been like that before?

[Fairylea]

The second he smacked my child I would have left and never talked to him again. No one touches my children. Ever.

[Floggingmolly]

He sounds completely vile; but why did you let him effectively take charge? . When you saw the way the wind was blowing, it should have signalled to you to peel off and do your own thing, not follow like sheep...

[digerd]

His double standards with your and his DC make me

[OctopusPete8]

I knew he had aspects of knobheadism but my eyes were well and truly opened I have to say, never again
Been away with inlaws before and been ok so its definitely him.

I was very Angry, My DH said he would give him a taste of his own medicine if he hit him again, My DS was being rough with DN....but ITS, I would have right shoes on back to your parents if you can't behave....not smacking.
I also was uncomfortable with the arrogance dictating what will be done with my child,...I don't think so.
The thing about the car was more the way it was done, and like I said I much doubt DN would have been evicted o our car having being sick, my DC was beside himself and I was angry for him, things like that have happened before, but this time it affected him I can no longer hide from him that some members of his family aren;t nice people.

[Mia4]

YANBU, just don't go away with them again or spend much time with them unless you have to. Go out with friends instead and see them on your terms and only your terms, until you decide you want any more. Too bad if they don't like it, they can do what their like with their family as you should with yours.

[thebody]

Fairylea, spot on agree.

Op cant belive you didn't go for your bil after the smack to be honest. Or your dh didn't.

For us that would be a breaker and absolutely unacceptable.

[OctopusPete8]

Flogging- I can't fully answer that one, I felt waek in that situation, he is not my brother and with MIL, FIL & SIL I felt outnumbered although my MIL got an earful after the smacking incident, I said I didnt believe him , she she he only 'tapped' but 'a few times' which is more than 2,
That DC can't do what he wants and he needs to learn, she fails to see the irony sadly....
Also that whilst in her care what happens to my son is her responsibility & her fault.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I can't believe he smacked your child...that's unforgivable. BUT why didn't you just do your own thing? You say he didn't wait for you...but if he was heading for shops etc why not do your own day out?