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Who is being unreasonable here?

(233 Posts)
Soisitmeorher Thu 13-Jun-13 22:38:54

Me and ex W split up about three years ago, 2 dc. There were many reasons we split, we rushed into it. I was too young.

During the marriage my drinking was quite excessive, usually between 5 & 10 cans, usually around four times a week though sometimes more. Ex W always had a problem with it, though she knew what I was like when we first got together, she drank a lot herself then but stopped when we had dc.

Without going in to too many ins and outs, the marriage was a disaster and she claims that a lot of it was down to my drinking.

In spite of all this we are amicable now. Sometimes we will even spend an evenkg together watching a DVD and I might have a drink. Suddenly though she has changed the rules. A couple of weeks ago, I turned up a bit worse for wear and we had quite a nasty argument. Since then she has said I can't drink round her or the dc, not even a couple of pints before I come round. In short she wants me nowhere near her or dc when I have had a drink, even if I am fine. I get quite annoyed about this, I like a drink but I am fine after two or three but she just won't continue our previously amicable relationship if I have had a drink.

Also about once a month I stay over and sleep in my dc's room. I like to finish my drink up and watch some tv with earphones while I do. She says this is not acceptable anymore, to be drinking in the room my ds is sleeping or for a person who has had a drink to sleep in there with dc.

I think she is being very controlling to be honest, there's nothing wrong with me having a few drinks and it annoys me that she makes such a fuss about it. It's preventing us from carrying on being friendly tbh.

So who is being unreasonable?

waltermittymissus Thu 13-Jun-13 22:55:39

You're either an alcohol or a disgrace.

Why do you constantly drink around your children?

Why on earth would you turn up "worse for wear" hmm to spend time with your children?

Sort yourself out. You are completely wrong.

AllDirections Thu 13-Jun-13 22:55:51


Soisitmeorher Thu 13-Jun-13 22:56:26

Kids were in bed they didn't see the row.

Bogeyface Thu 13-Jun-13 22:56:36

Well it is as bad as she says and you are a complete arsehole if you cant see that getting worse for wear and then turning up to see your kids is ok.

BTW, functioning alcoholics can hold down jobs but they dont usually remain functioning for long, so make the most of that job while you have it. I should know, I used to be one.

crumblepie Thu 13-Jun-13 22:57:17

do you realise how many times you use the word drink in your post , think you know yabu , just dont have a drink on the day you see your kids , no big deal is it , or is it ?

waltermittymissus Thu 13-Jun-13 22:57:36

Bloody phone!

*you're either an alcoholic or a disgrace of a parent

And actually, the two aren't mutually exclusive. But for alcoholism you can get help. I'm not sure you can get help for just being a twat.

Bogeyface Thu 13-Jun-13 22:57:59

Kids were in bed they didn't see the row.

Well unless they are deaf, I am sure that they heard it.

You may not like it but your behaviour IS impacting on them.

squeakytoy Thu 13-Jun-13 22:58:09

Someone needs to be in control, because you clearly arent.

ChaoticTranquility Thu 13-Jun-13 22:58:49

What's more important the alcohol or seeing your kids?

Bogeyface Thu 13-Jun-13 22:59:04

Sorry that should have been "if you cant see that getting worse for wear and then turning up to see your kids ISNT ok"

Soisitmeorher Thu 13-Jun-13 22:59:23

Thing is I had a really stressful day yesterday so had a couple of pints at lunchtime. HOURS before I saw dc and she still moaned about that. You're all saying the same thing but I promise you I am fine when I see my dc, it's all about what MIGHT happen with her.

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 13-Jun-13 22:59:51

God this just reminds me how much I hate drunks. Get help OP. That's all.

Soisitmeorher Thu 13-Jun-13 23:01:08

Seeing my kids obviously, but I do not get pissed round them, just have a couple say with lunch or if I am with my family eg a BBQ or something.

Bogeyface Thu 13-Jun-13 23:01:10

Also, I think that the reason your ex is kicking off now is because she came to see your behaviour as normal when she was living with your excessive drinking day in and day out. Its only now you have gone that she has realised that actually, most people dont drink 10 cans of lager a night, or need to drink in bed, or get plastered and think its ok to have access with their kids in that state.

The point is, she quit drinking because the kids were more important to her. You didnt, because they are not more important to you.

waltermittymissus Thu 13-Jun-13 23:01:44

You're a drunk.

Get help or leave her to parent properly.

Your children deserve better than you.

MalcolmTuckersMum Thu 13-Jun-13 23:01:51

And stop making excuses for your drinking. Your family are big drinkers. So? You have a responsible job. So? You had a stressful day. So? Any excuse to turn to the alcohol isn't it. Read back what you're writing and then come and tell us you don't need help.

squeakytoy Thu 13-Jun-13 23:01:52

which is more important to you, your kids or having a drink?

MatersMate Thu 13-Jun-13 23:02:04

Be careful about using others as bench marks op, like your family etc. They may all have a problem with alcohol?

Find for some honesty with yourself, before you're a non functioning alcoholic.

The hardest part is admitting it, it's an age old cliche but very true.

Binkybix Thu 13-Jun-13 23:02:37

I used to go out with an alcoholic and he honestly thought his behaviour was fine and normal when everyone else thought he was being an idiot because he'd drunk.

Stressful day requiring a few pints at lunchtime raises a bit of a red flag to me....

wharrgarbl Thu 13-Jun-13 23:02:38

Why do you reach for alcohol when you're stressed? You know it doesn't help, and by the sound of things, it's been a pretty frequent resort that hasn't done you any favours.
Your children heard the argument, even if they didn't see it.

Bogeyface Thu 13-Jun-13 23:02:38

You drank at lunch, in the middle of work day?

Sorry, HOW exactly have you managed to keep your job?! Do you know the type of person who needs a lunchtime drink in order to make it through a stressful day?

answers on a postcard please.........

Soisitmeorher Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:07

She says that too bogeyface that drinking is more important than my kids. She's wrong though.

Nanny0gg Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:35

You've asked the question.You've had the answer.
You don't like it so you argue with it.

But your ex is right. If your children matter to you then I suggest you listen to her (and MN).

Stop making excuses and stop drinking.

wharrgarbl Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:49

So stop drinking then.

squeakytoy Thu 13-Jun-13 23:03:52

is she wrong? I see nothing in your posts that shows you love your kids, just that you love your drink...

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