I have worked with this lovely bloke for a couple of years. We were both made redundant last year. I got a new job near where I live and was able to put in a good word for him, and he managed to get a job there too. But it was further away from his home so he and his wife agreed it would be better for him to stay local during the week, rather than the exhausting commute. Rather than stay in the City he rents in a village near me.
I?ve always been able to talk to him and him to me. I went through a bad break up and I was able to cry on his shoulder, discuss everything that went wrong. He really helped. He also opened up to me about his marital problems, and I hope I'm helping him.
He is the only one at my new job that knows I have bad OCD. I hate anything to do with touching, and cannot handle stuff if others have. So if someone leaves anything like a jumper on my chair, he has to come up and move it for me. He also comes to help me with my horses occasionally, and we have walks together.
I lent him a couple of self-help books and told him that I thought his wife was unhappy because of the lack of affection. He started sending her texts, and would kiss and cuddle her as soon as he got home etc. Just generally being more touchy feely. Buying her little gifts (flowers, chocolate etc)
Instead of being happier his wife got more upset.
She has now accused us of having an emotional affair. I have issues with intimacy so I don?t want a sexual relationship, but I like having a male friend who treats me now and again, and who I can spend time with just talking. I can and do tell him anything and he?s the same with me. He says he cannot talk to her as it would embarrass him if he came across as weak. He feels he has to protect her. I know he has lied to her about how often he sees me outside of work and he deletes all the texts we send each other, so she doesn't get upset. But she has found out about all this.
She got him to fill out the questionnaire in the Shirley Glass? book NOT Just Friends. He scored 5 out of 8 which is apparently not good. He also answered Yes to the question as to whether he loves me or not ? but only as a friend, as I love him. I would do anything for him and he for me. He also said No to the Touching question as I don?t like being touched so it was irrelevant to our friendship.
She is also upset as she feels that he is only friends with me as I?m the opposite of her in looks. She has low self-esteem issues, she cannot get out of the house as she has to care for their ill child. She has put on weight, can?t get her hair done, go to the gym etc So she also feels she bores him. Apparently she says that if I was old and ugly this friendship wouldn?t have happened.
She is now saying that he has to stop our friendship or leave her.
It?s not my fault she?s insecure so why shouldn?t I keep seeing this lovely man, it's not as if we're having sex.
So is she BU or are we?
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AIBU?
Can you tell me if we’re being unreasonable or she is? (sorry long)
95 replies
Isitmeorher · 07/06/2013 11:41
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