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Its spreading..

(37 Posts)
CocacolaMum Thu 06-Jun-13 08:21:32

I have seen a few threads about demands for money being slipped in with wedding invites but it seems to be seeping over into other celebrations!!

This morning I got an invitation to a christening of a friends 8 and 1 yr old with a note declaring that although a present for both of the children would be nice they would prefer money so as not to have too much clutter around the house. AIBU to think this is just incredibly rude?!?!

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:27:36

Yes I'm afraid I think you are. I can't speak for the actual invitation you received of course but in general terms as long as it's nicely worded (I think 'clutter' sounds a bit sniffy!) then it's a perfectly reasonable request, given that people will usually want to give a present of some sort.

And it's one headache fewr for the giver!

But then I am part of a culture where giving money as gifts is pretty much the norm and certainly isn't considered vulgar!

potentiallytotallyshafted Thu 06-Jun-13 08:33:03

Yanbu. Totally rude, entitled and grabby. I'd donate the money to charity!

BlackAffronted Thu 06-Jun-13 08:35:32

I wouldnt attend the christening if I recieved that invitation! YANBU.

BlackAffronted Thu 06-Jun-13 08:37:20

Saying that, I did get a christening invitation once that asked if we were considering a present, then a copy of our favourite childrens book would be appreciated. I thought that was nice, but asking for money seems grabby to me.

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:37:35

Totally rude, entitled and grabby

How???? Why?????

I mean it's a bit forward to mentions present at all I suppose, but if that's a given why not money? How is this any more entitled than, say, a charm bracelet, or bit of plastic tat duplicate toy?

I think the OP's use of the word 'declare' is somewhat emotive...if I had received it, I would have taken it as a request or suggestion. (But as I said before if they actually said they don't want clutter, that's a bit hmmmm imho)

Having said that, donating the money to charity in the children's name is a lovely idea.

TheCrackFox Thu 06-Jun-13 08:37:49

I wouldn't go.

If they have too much clutter they could have simply stated "no presents". Grasping fuckers.

GingerCurry Thu 06-Jun-13 08:38:21

Oh deary me...what sad news to hear.

But I suppose it was to be expected as the young money grabbers have had their wedding money targets to acheive, and now will be instilling these values onto their DC.

What next....round robin letters for school trip contributions?

Clutter! Unbelievably rude IMO

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:39:22

Oh well I am clearly in the minority. Maybe, as I'm Jewish, I don't really understand the whole Christening ethos anyway, though all my grandchildren have been christened and I've been to loads of others!

But in principle, money as presents? Sorted> I am always thrilled when this is an option!

TobyLerone Thu 06-Jun-13 08:40:08

I don't know why I think this is rude and wedding requests for money aren't, but I do.

potentiallytotallyshafted Thu 06-Jun-13 08:40:37

Also the implication that any gift chosen by their guests would amount to 'clutter' is ill mannered. Sorry antisecco, but I am of the view that it is rude to ask your guests for money.

BlackAffronted Thu 06-Jun-13 08:40:45

Giving money as a present id fine, asking for it is not IMO.

starfishmummy Thu 06-Jun-13 08:41:49

Good grief Yanbu.
At one time only godparents gave presents......

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:42:20

All you people saying that asking for presents is okay but asking for money is 'grabby'...erm how do you normally pay for the presents?

Disclaimer (again) the use of the word clutter (if they did actually use the word and this is not the OP's interpretation, like 'declaring' clearly was) is out of order. No argument from me there. But requesting money in lieu of things...nope, can't see the problem.

Cravingdairy Thu 06-Jun-13 08:43:37

Maybr they thought they could be upfront with their friends and relatives who are being invited to share a special day. Clearly they were wrong.

ThistleVille Thu 06-Jun-13 08:43:46

What about asking 'Do you have a favourite Children's charity you'd like me to donate to?' if clutter is an issue..

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:44:00

I don't know why I think this is rude and wedding requests for money aren't, but I do.


Seriously, it pretty much confirms what I thought, that I just don't understand the preciousness etiquette surrounding christenings!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 06-Jun-13 08:44:06

I think it is bad manners to ask for a gift of any kind under any circumstances.

Although I know I am in a minority. grin

I think that a gift is given, not demanded and therefore the polite thing to do is to accept graciously anything that is given to you and only mention what you would like if asked.

Which is normally fine because it's also good manners to make sure you know what people would like.

So the two come together nicely. We do the dance of what would you like - you don't have to get me anything - no, I would like to - well, if you're sure...

The person giving doesn't feel that they've had a gift demanded from them, the person getting gets something that they like. Win Win.

It's when people deviate from this ONE TRUE WAY! grin that things go horribly wrong.

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:44:55

Cravingdairy Thank goodness for you!! <waves and blows kisses>

BlackAffronted Thu 06-Jun-13 08:44:59

Chtristening gifts are meant to be trinkets, a book of bible stories or a wee money box. The monetary equiviliant would look paltry in a card, so you would up it a bit. I would maybe spend £5/£10 on a gift usually, but would feel like I would have to double that in cash!

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:45:44

grin Hecsy

BlackAffronted Thu 06-Jun-13 08:46:02

Indeed hecsy grin

DeepRedBetty Thu 06-Jun-13 08:46:10

I don't mind being asked for money instead of a present, but I expect it to be a one-to-one conversation, not a note in an invitation. As a matter of fact I usually do give a bit of cash towards the child's university fund as a christening gift, but that was my own idea as most christening size babies are awash with age appropriate stuff whereas the time they get really expensive is when they're older.

Antisecco Thu 06-Jun-13 08:47:00

See, what you've said Blackaffronted makes perfect sense. thank you for that!

Slainte Thu 06-Jun-13 08:49:02

YANBU as someone else said upthread, I'd make a donation on their behalf to a charity (of your choice). No clutter then grin

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