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AIBU to be annoyed with my sister

(8 Posts)
justwondering72 Tue 28-May-13 14:51:44

My sister is visiting for a few days. Today is her last day and she has...

Stayed home with her feet up to read her book while I drag my 2 year old round the supermarket, buying stuff for a dinner she requested

Taken a 2 hour afternoon nap, while I entertain both the children alone

Decided to go shopping on her own because she 'needs a break', despite the fact that I have kept my older child home from nursery this afternoon so he could spend some extra time with her. So now I am stuck at home entertaining two because it is peeing down outside.

She lives very comfortably with her partner, has no children, and is very used to doing what she wants, when she wants it. And she's making it clear she'd rather be alone with her book than spend time with her nephews - despite the fact that she only see them maybe 3 times a year, and they are her only nephews. And they totally adore her! My 5 year old is confused that he's been allowed to stay home to spend time with his aunt - but she's either been asleep or out for most of the afternoon.

I know she's not used to the pace set by two active boys. And I know that part of my grumpiness is because I personally would love to nap / read / go out on my own - but I can't because I have one (now two) children to look after! I didn't expect her to babysit but I did hope she'd enjoy spending some time with me and the boys together. To be fair, we did have a busy day yesterday doing stuff together, but it seems to have wiped her out!

She leaves tomorrow and I won't rush to invite her back TBH. When my parents come to visit, they take the boys out so that I can have a break. When she visits, I am taking them out so that she can have a break!

AIBU or should I cut her some slack?

SoleSource Tue 28-May-13 14:58:55

It sounds like you.knew her nature but stil have different expectations of her.
You learn the hard way but don't punish her.for it by.not involving her in future plans after she has left.

Just alter your expectations.

You seem like a very good host

You and DH go out tonight, make her babysit mwahhh

wigglesrock Tue 28-May-13 15:04:29

How long was she with you for? My sister was a bit like that, but she's always been like, it's just the way of her.

Can you not get someone to watch the kids tonight and you both go out?

cuggles Tue 28-May-13 15:19:10

My sil is like this. Has visited once since dcs were born (nearly four yrs!). We regularly pack up two children and drive three hrs to stay with mil who lives next door to sil and she pops in for a few mins when we arrive then goes off (last time to sainsbury!)...all this despite calling my children "her babies"!! I used to get upset on dcs behalf but now tell myself she loses out far more than they do. Let it go, not everyone enjoys spending time with kids in reality even if they seem to in theory. Just accept her for who she is but maybe in future dont put yourself out too much, thats my plan!!

SteamPink Tue 28-May-13 15:53:31

She was probably hoping to spend some time with you without children. If she doesn't have her own and isn't close to any, it's not surprising she's tired out by yours.

dubstarr73 Tue 28-May-13 16:03:14

Why shouldnt she take a nap i thought when you are entertaining both children one of them was hers.She should have went shopping though.
Also probably wanted some adult time with her sis nothing wrong with that

curryeater Tue 28-May-13 16:40:01

I can see both sides of this one. (your sis reminds me of my bro)
My mum and sister (sis has 2 dcs, older than my littlies) think that seeing me is all about seeing my children, both in that they love to spend time with them, and in that they love a chance to give me a bit of support with them. (not that often as they are not geographically close, but they jump at the chance when possible)

My single, childless brother thinks that children get up far too early, need far too much exercise, and his precious weekends are all about recharging his own batteries.

Both are fair enough. Yes my mum and sister are lovely and generous with their time and energy, BUT they also enjoy it and are children people.

I don't think that people just have to drop everything and throw themselves into the maelstrom of violently messy noisy crap, just because they are fond of people who happen to have bred. IF they do, I love them for ever. If they don't - well, we'll see them a bit less, then, maybe mostly in the evenings.

justwondering72 Tue 28-May-13 20:02:05

Thanks all for your input. She ended up being 'out shopping' for 3 hours, including a couple of hours reading her book in a cafe apparently... which left me a bit confused. But she did feel guilty and bring big cakes home.

We had a chat later, and she told me she's been having a very stressful time at work, and found the whole family-immersion thing a bit hard to handle. I suggested that we go out for a drink tonight, but she's not that bothered TBH so we'll stay home and chill out.

So I'm going to do what some of you suggest above - adjust my expectations to avoid future disappointment. And next time she suggests visiting, to remind her that it's not likely to be anything remotely like a 'holiday' by her definition!

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