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to be a bit pissed off with DH

(41 Posts)
Erimentha Tue 28-May-13 00:47:44

i probably am BU but my DH has gone on a fancy dress night out for a friends birthday, before he left he told me he would be home by 1am. All fine, not got a problem with that at all.

Background -: I'm unwell at the minute and still feeling crappy, we are doing up our new house (less than 2 weeks until we move, still also need to pack up here) tomorrow he needs to be in a fit state to use machinery in order to progress with the renovations. Due to above mentioned move money is tight. I can't lock the door up properly as he wont be able to get in if i do, cant leave it open as we have had problems with one of our DC being able to open the basic locks and sneaking downstairs and out the door, so basically i cant go to bed until he is in.

Situation -: Have now received a couple of texts from him telling me one of the females in the group is dressed 'very kinkily' and that the outfit he is wearing is apparently a fantasy of hers. This is the same female he has admitted finding attractive and asked with 'no pressure' if i would consider a threesome with. Also he changed his mind about what time he was coming home, didn't bother to mention it until after the last train left decided to get a taxi home instead (which we cant really afford especially on top of his costume hire, drinks for the night and transport there.)

Maybe i am BU, but i tired, feel crap, and am stuck waiting up until he comes home which he cant give me an estimated time for. I cant even be extreme and sod him and lock him out as due to my disabilities i need him to be here for the children in the morning before my medication kicks in. Though if he is out till all hours and drinking god knows how much use he is actually going to be, both with the kids and doing the work that NEEDS to be done tomorrow. Sorry for the rant.

LibraryMum8 Tue 28-May-13 00:55:47

Honestly? The minute he mentioned a threesome would have made me a single woman. If he's not doing anything with her now, I have a feeling he will be soon. I'm so sorry.

WeAreSix Tue 28-May-13 00:56:54

I'd be annoyed but not worried about timing of coming home, assuming this doesn't happen all the time.

However. Being asked to have a threesome and (I assume) you refuse, and getting texts about another woman? I'd be fuming on both occasions and would seriously be considering - no, planning - the end of my relationship.

Hope you're ok.

suckmabigtoe Tue 28-May-13 00:58:34


that sounds like no fun for you at all. he;s being really insensitive and inconsiderate leaving you sitting up waiting for him and texting stuff like that. who does he expect to deal with dcs if he is too hungover in the morning?

Rindercella Tue 28-May-13 01:02:27

He has really gone all out to get you stressed hasn't he? On all sorts of different levels. Yanbu in tje least to be pissed off with him. I would be fuming and given what he has already said about that woman, along with the texts he has sent this evening, I would be seriously considering my future with him. Sorry.sad

Rindercella Tue 28-May-13 01:03:26

xpost with six.

TigOldBitties Tue 28-May-13 01:05:08

Threesome thing wouldn't bother me in general but I think it sounds a bit
like he's taunting you by text, what does he expect you to say, how wonderful they both find each other so attractive.

I would feel a bit annoyed if he was keeping you up, but then it all depends on how much he goes out, how often he stays out late and same for you. If its not a regular thing I'd probably be grumpy but remind myself everyone needs some slack and not mention it.

Can you not do something like sleep in the room of the child who can open the door, or get comfy on the sofa, or txt him and say he needs to call you when he's nearby so you can get up and let him in.

BOF Tue 28-May-13 01:06:53

He's being a bit of a twat, but it doesn't mean he's going to shag the other woman- if he's been open, it's unlikely. He'll turn up half cut though. I'd lock the door and go to bed if I were you, but leave your phone on- you'll know when he gets in, which is better than waiting up. You can still give him a flea in his ear in the morning though.

Erimentha Tue 28-May-13 01:09:19

No idea what he expects with regards to the dcs in the morning. The threesome thing didn't bother me until he started texting tonight. I texted him explaining that i wasn't happy that he had changed the time coming home on me, but to leave when he wanted and just let me know when he was coming home. Trying to be nice as he doesn't go out that much and was worried IWBU. Just got a stroppy message off him saying he was coming home now as id made it clear staying out later was unacceptable and that i'd made him come home despite him wanting to stay out later. Feeling thoroughly fed up now, he is out with student friends and he seems to get into their no responsibility mindset.

Erimentha Tue 28-May-13 01:12:07

i have a chronic pain condition, i wake up every day in a fair amount of pain from sleeping in my own bed, if i try to sleep on the sofa or the floor i will be in agony and have limited mobility for days. Honesty staying up is the lesser of the 2 evils.

Erimentha Tue 28-May-13 01:14:19

i was already feeling a bit pissed off with him as a couple of days ago he compared me to his mother, and i didn't quite live up to standard. Which apparently wasn't an insult, go figure. Sometimes he can be wonderful, others he is a complete twat.

BOF Tue 28-May-13 01:15:10

Just get in your bed! You don't have to stay up. Lock the door and open it when he gets in.

Darkesteyes Tue 28-May-13 01:16:13

I think hes deliberately trying to make you insecure about the other woman hoping it will cause you to agree to the threesome so that you can be "In control and keep an eye on proceedings.
Hes sneakily trying to get his threesome IMO

Even without all that hes being bloody selfish knowing that you have to stay up to let him in.

AllegraLilac Tue 28-May-13 01:17:41

It sounds like he is trying very very hard to make you jealous.

BOF Tue 28-May-13 01:28:12

He just sounds pissed to me.

Longdistance Tue 28-May-13 02:08:14

If my dh text me saying some other woman was sexy, or he was attracted to her, he wouldn't be coming home.

The threesome is an excuse for him to be able to cheat with your permission of course.

Bogeyface Tue 28-May-13 02:32:48

I hope you are in bed now. But I agree with the others, he wants to have sex with her and for it to be not cheating.

You need a serious talk about boundaries and acceptable behaviour. I assumed he is a mature student, sounds like he needs to learn what the word "mature" actually means.

Pinkflipflop Tue 28-May-13 05:52:30


He sounds silly and immature.

Actually he is a bit of a knob if he is out dressing up, drinking and thinking about the potential OW whilst;

you and his dc are at home
You are unwell
You can't go to bed
There is a house move to be sorted

I hope you are ok?

MortifiedAdams Tue 28-May-13 06:37:57

lock the door and go to bed. I wouldnt stay with him if he were my dh so sure as hell wouldnt be waiting up for.him

diddl Tue 28-May-13 07:00:38

Sounds downright nasty to me tbh.

So when he shags her, at least he'd already warned you??!!

Montybojangles Tue 28-May-13 07:34:58

Christ, I hope you locked the door and let him sleep on the doorstep. What a knobber.

MrsWolowitz Tue 28-May-13 07:40:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarredfromhavingStella Tue 28-May-13 09:12:01

No way on this earth I would accept the crap he pulled, agree he is attempting to coerce you into the threesome-pathetic.

Shutupanddrive Tue 28-May-13 09:16:09

A little bit pissed off? I would be fuming!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 28-May-13 09:31:34

Oh dear, what an immature person he sounds. That crack about you making him come home is just pathetic - he should want to make the right decision, not make it seem like you are nagging him.

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