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To ask how one weaves lentils exactly?

(43 Posts)
pinkballetflats Mon 27-May-13 20:43:56

Seeing as I lean more to the left more than 50% of the time I feel I should know how to do this. I had a good look at a packet of lentils in my kitchen and thought maybe if one partially softens them and then runs them into lots of long chains using microfilament and then puts them to re-dry on the radiator...I'd have semi-flexible lengths of connected lentils with which to weave...

Would that be the right way to go about it?

exexpat Mon 27-May-13 20:48:48

I find you need to combine them with organic, hand-spun, home-grown hemp (or fairly-traded Bolivian llama wool, at a pinch) to get something substantial enough for the children to wear to school...

scaevola Mon 27-May-13 20:49:09


Similar attention to detail required to plait your armpit hair.

NumTumDeDum Mon 27-May-13 20:52:07

I can't believe you have to ask. grin Doesn't everybody know how to do this? grinwink

Didactylos Mon 27-May-13 20:53:07

I thought you just got stoned and did some freestyle crochet

like, dont plan for it, your lentil weaving's got to happen organically....
though you may find you end up incorporating aduki beans and other pulses

MrsLettuce Mon 27-May-13 20:53:09

No, no! Is all moonlight and magic dahling.

Jamdoughnutfiend Mon 27-May-13 20:55:35

Yes but if you use a radiator to sry them it negates the benefits of weaving your own lentils - you need to make sure you dry them on the line (Amature grin)

Crikeyblimey Mon 27-May-13 20:55:46

I suspect you are making that fundamental error of trying to weave your lentils BEFORE you knit your own yoghurt.

We've all been there - it's messy but if you persevere, those pesky lentils will virtually weave themselves.

WafflyVersatile Mon 27-May-13 20:56:01

I rub them on my armpit hair plaits to make them static then they stick together a treat.

gordyslovesheep Mon 27-May-13 20:57:18

don't forget to post pictures of your efforts on Pintrest

littlewhitebag Mon 27-May-13 20:59:27

I like to crochet my own muesli but i haven't mastered lentil weaving yet. Little buggers are hard to get hold of. They keep slipping through my fingers. As for yogurt knitting - well don't get me started on that. Bloody messy for a start.

pinkballetflats Mon 27-May-13 21:00:14

Ah...I see I need to go back to the drawing board - what would the carbon footprint be of me cooking the lentils over my own recently chopped down apple wood instead of using gas?

Auntlinny Mon 27-May-13 21:02:12

You are best to start with felting your lentils ...and crafting them into little gnomes to sell at your local Steiner school fair.

LegoAcupuncture Mon 27-May-13 21:03:17

I thought one used a loom confused

pinkballetflats Mon 27-May-13 21:35:02

You can felt lentils too? How do I do that? I've been living under a rock, haven't I?

badbride Mon 27-May-13 22:13:04

How does one weave lentils exactly?

With one's Yoni, obviously. Haven't you been paying attention?

A more interesting question is whether one should have one's Yoni felted. Opinions? grin

WafflyVersatile Mon 27-May-13 22:24:34

My yoni seems to self-felt. Maybe I'm just lucky.

As for knitting youghurt, I use a thick set greek yoghurt to reduce mess.

pinkballetflats Mon 27-May-13 22:26:48

Well, this is just getting embarrassing now....

What's a yoni? And would I want it felted?


WafflyVersatile Mon 27-May-13 22:32:08

your yoni is a sacred place, pink.

pinkballetflats Mon 27-May-13 22:35:38

Really? I've never even thought of felting my shoe wardrobe!!!


Talkinpeace Mon 27-May-13 22:36:03

I always thought it was strands of tofu reinfoced with inch long leg hairs made the mesh on which to weave the lentils (green of course, not orange)

TravelinColour Mon 27-May-13 22:38:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badbride Mon 27-May-13 22:47:54

Shame on you, Waffly. Every time you self-felt your Yoni, an angel cries.

MoonlightandRoses Mon 27-May-13 22:48:59

Well, like this obviously.

Honestly, the youth of today...Still I suppose it's good that you want to try dear [Pats pinks head in a patronising manner] grin

MeerkatMerkin Mon 27-May-13 22:51:14

In the same way you weave yogurt, I'd imagine.

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