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To think fuck off with your competitive parenting!

(229 Posts)
HandbagCrab Mon 27-May-13 11:41:45

Ds and I were looking at a bird in an enclosure at an animal centre. Ds can say duck for all birds but I was trying to see if I could get him to say bird too (he's 18 months). This woman spies us and brings her child and parks her buggy next to us so they are practically touching (there's lots of space so this was unnecessary).

She's all 'what colours can you see in the partridge's tail, Jocasta? (Jocasta names some colours) Very good, can you see any other colours too?' in a loud parenting voice.

I feel it's just another bloody example of competitive, constant comparison between dc and I'm so tired of it. I get people are insecure, but why should they get validation from my child because theirs can 'do' more than mine? I know it's not a big deal, but I find these little comparisons happening all the time and this is just the latest and most ridiculous of the lot.

I just walked away from partridge-worrying mum, what do you do with the competitive buggers?

Sparklingbrook Mon 27-May-13 11:43:36

Laugh very loudly, and remember you are the normal one. smile

NorthernLurker Mon 27-May-13 11:44:37

Well hang on - maybe she moved her child so the child could see the bird that your son could see? I ask my dc questions like that at parks and museums too. It's how you engage with what they can see. Jocasta was obviously older than your son anyway.
Even is she was being competitive why do you care?
I am so sick of reading about 'loud parenting' when what it inevitably adds up to is decent and engaged parenting.

Steffanoid Mon 27-May-13 11:45:17

just be glad you had more common sense than that woman not to call your dc jocastahmm

I think duck sounds better than partridge anyway, and I wouldn't worry your dc will be the one less likely to rebel later on because you won't have forced them into everything from early on

gordyslovesheep Mon 27-May-13 11:46:13

I think you are reading way to much into it - she was on a day out with her child and discussing the bird and it's plumage

had you pulled up next to another woman and started saying 'oh <insert sarcastic posh kid name here> can you say Bird darling, can you??? BIRD darling say bird...' you may well have also generated a MN thread

Just enjoy your day out

MalcolmTuckersMum Mon 27-May-13 11:46:20

Jocasta? Seriously?

southeastastra Mon 27-May-13 11:48:05

everyone loud parents these days, it's quite entertaining.

SanityClause Mon 27-May-13 11:48:43

Oh, NorthernLurker, you're no fun!

The OP clearly wanted a lovely judge-fest on her bank holiday.

Morgause Mon 27-May-13 11:49:22

Ds used to love a particular bedtime story, so much so that he knew it off by heart when he was 2 and soon also knew which pictures went with which words.

An acquaintance at playgroup was convinced her DS was a child genius and used to make the poor little sod do tricks to the embarrassment of the rest of us.

I'm not really ashamed to say that I took his favourite book along to playgroup one day. He'd had a bit of a cold and was asthmatic so I told him not to run around too much. Naturally, he ignored the instruction so I sat him down very near the other mum, gave him the story and said, "Why don't you just read your book?"

And he did. (or it looked like he did)

This was, sadly, in the days before camera phones. her face was a picture.

cory Mon 27-May-13 11:49:29

But you were also trying to get your ds to say something new and non spontaneous that was appropriate for his stage of development.

I really can't see the difference.

If the other woman's child had still been at the ga-ga-ga stage, would that suddenly have turned your attempts into loud parenting?

BAUagent Mon 27-May-13 11:49:52

Hm,this does sound annoying, but is there the smallest possibility that maybe she was just looking to start a conversation with you and hoped your toddlers could have a bit of interaction with one another rather than compare their levels of IQ?
If you felt she was being unfriendly and just there to show you and your DS up then yanbu but maybe she genuinely didn't know how she was coming across. I sometimes worry that I could be perceived as being guilty of 'loud parenting' just because I chat to dd a lot while out and about, asking what she sees and pointing things out - I don't receive a response as she's only 7 months grin but as someone who works with children I know it helps development to have lots of verbal interaction. I don't do it to show other parents up (pretty sure I just look like a bit of an idiot to be fair).
Don't let others make you feel back about your own DS - all children develop differently and I'm sure he's got lots of skills that this mum would be very envious of.

WorraLiberty Mon 27-May-13 11:52:03

You should have said to your child in a loud voice...

"Handbag Junior, can you see the insecure Mother here? How many can you see? That's right - one. Can you say com-pet-ative fool? Good boy."

SirChenjin Mon 27-May-13 11:52:13

With DC1 I would have worried terribly and headed home for an afternoon of intensive colour tuition. Now I'm onto DC3 and ancient and exhausted I'm just pleased he can put his own vest on the right way round at 6.

People who do this are loud/competitive parenting (and there is such a thing, most of us have witnessed it) tend to be insecure and probably don't have much else going on in their lives. Every last ounce of energy they have is put into intense parenting, as opposed to just bringing up their child and having a conversation and a bit of a laugh with their child in the process.

I dont get it.

So if you talk to your kids and try to teach them about their surroundings, you are a loud parent causing offence to many?

Right o. Well I am a loud parent then. I taught my 4 year old about gravity in the park last week. And on sat I explained to her how a corn mill works, because we were in one.

Shoot me now.

WafflyVersatile Mon 27-May-13 11:53:47

What do you think she would have done if you weren't there?

Unless she was looking to catch your eye and give you a smug look, she was just trying to bring her child on same as you.

If her child knew all these colours it's because her mum does this even when she doesn't have an audience.

Chottie Mon 27-May-13 11:54:44

OP - you ought to visit my local Waitrose on Saturday afternoon, I hate all that 'loud parenting' stuff too. Jocasta, Tarquin et al are there being 'introduced' to kumquats, aubergines etc.

NorthernLurker Mon 27-May-13 11:56:18

No SirChenjin - most of you think you've witnessed it. You've no idea what you've actually seen because you've never bothered to talk to the parents concerned, just huddled back on mumsnet for a bitchfest about a parent talking to her child. (Yes I am a spoilsport)
Dd3 is 6 now and much easier to engage in things but when she was a very active toddler it was really hard to keep her on track and not running off or damaging things unless you worked at it - so lots of questions, lots of praise. So shoot me for enjoying that and knowing I did a good job.

edam Mon 27-May-13 11:57:41

there's a difference between people who are just talking to their children and people who are doing Loud Parenting in a 'look everyone, see how advanced my child is and how middle class we are' way. I think it's easy to spot when you are right there in the situation. Especially if they come and stand right next to you, practically touching, when there's plenty of room!

SirChenjin Mon 27-May-13 12:00:11

No, we have witnessed it - the loud, overly intensive parenting that just sets your teeth on edge. It's quite amusing to watch, in a sort of 'bless' way.

Sparklingbrook Mon 27-May-13 12:00:57

I have too. You can spot it straight away.

retiredgoth2 Mon 27-May-13 12:00:59

In Waitrose (natch)....

'Now Jemima- do you think Daddy would like Pellegrino Limonata or Aranciata? Yes darling- Limonata. It's much sharper isn't it sweetie?'

Jemima is about a year old.

Now. Fuck off out the way so I can buy a shedload of value tooth rot for my kids....

KirjavaTheCat Mon 27-May-13 12:01:55

I don't think there's anything wrong with engaging with your children. I do it all the time. In a normal decibel, while looking at my child, not over my shoulder to see if anyone's noticing...

You can tell when people do it for attention. It's obvious.

retiredgoth2 Mon 27-May-13 12:02:00

(Names have been changed to protect the guilty. And also for presumed comic effect)

gordyslovesheep Mon 27-May-13 12:02:23

I always did loud parenting with my middle child - because she has significant hearing loss - and I shop in Waitrose

juicypair Mon 27-May-13 12:02:56

You should have squashed her nose up against the glass until it bled and Jocasta screamed.

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