DM, alcohol and looking after DS, aibu?!(30 Posts)
I've just come back home from a night out, the second time I've left DS (4.5 months) with anyone other than DH (and even then only the 3rd time). DM and DF looking after DS for the first time and DS a little poorly (a cold, teething, etc).
Get back to the house DM smells of wine, repeating bits of the conversation we have and quite stroppy with me when I don't bf straight away as she tells me to (despite baby still lightly sleeping).
DM has a backstory, an interesting relationship with alcohol bordering alcoholic (my opinion, non diagnosed). We had left her a bottle of wine out, as she would have looked for one anyway, but when i check, she has gone through my cupboards looking for more wine and they've gone through a bottle and a half altogether. I don't know how much either drunk, but had DS been ill I'm fairly sure it wouldn't have been a good idea for them to be driving.
DH and I don't drink that much or that regularly, so I guess I'm asking aibu to assume that DParents would have held back on the vino for the one day they are looking after DS?
(And if ianbu what the hell do I do now?!)
The only iffy bit about this is you left the wine out in the first place that usually means I do not object to baby sitters drinking.
But you don't have to justify a thing just never ask them again and if they ask then you just say I don't need a baby sitter.
You won't need o e because you will have already arranged a sober one.
If you use your parents for childcare then I don't think you can object to them drinking wine if they want to. Three quarters of a bottle over a whole evening isn't likely to make a regular wine drinker very drunk. I think you're being very precious, to be honest. I understand that your DS is a precious, fragile creature to you, but you have to accept that other people are going to be a bit more laid back in that regard. Otherwise don't leave him with anyone until he's a bit older.
Thanks to everyone for their input...
To those who have said I enabled it by leaving wine out... I understand that, but she would have looked for wine anyway and I didn't want her just drinking anything in my cupboard. I hoped by leaving one out that they would have maybe a glass and a bit each... Everything in moderation; I don't mind her having a glass with food when she is looking after him, but she wasn't sober so can't have been self regulating... I don't like her when she is tipsy/drunk, she tends to get more stroppy etc.
They live an hour and a half away and we don't need childcare that often (she offered for this one off event), so it's not like we are regularly taking up her weekends/evenings and restricting what she can do all the time. The borderline alcoholism was something I first noticed a while ago linked to a bout of unacknowledged depression and I hadn't seen her drink like it for a while, she is on some fairly hefty tablets that you aren't meant to drink on now, so I genuinely thought she wasn't drinking that much anymore (sorry if I am drip feeding, didn't think to mention that at 2am).
I don't think I have the strength to confront at the moment, I might take the advice to just stop letting her see him unsupervised for a while and maybe graduate to only during the day (I've not seen her drink in the day, she doesn't think her drinking is a problem and so wouldn't hide it....)
Thanks all for your support and views... I'm shattered now having mulled this over for ages! Thank goodness DH happily playing with DS!
1- your df may not have drunk a drop.
2- you know she has drink issues and still chose to leave your baby in her care
3- why have drink in the house, let alone.leave a bottle.out when leaving an alcoholic in your house?
4- does one of you or dh always remain sober each night just incase?
5- "I dont mind her having a glass with her meal" - controlling much?? you left a bottle.out for her. She obviously thoight you didnt mind her having a drink.
For all of these points above, YABU.
Dont leave your child.in the care of an alcoholic or enable them.by having drink readily avaliable in your house. Dont presume that yourdf drank - he may not have.
I would suggest you start educating yourself about alcoholism, maybe go to an Alanon meeting.
You could also read the Stately Homes thread.
I would rather leave my baby with a teenager than an adult who is going to get drunk/tipsy whilst babysitting.
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