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AIBU to think this is a deal breaker?

(236 Posts)
JustABitShocked Sun 26-May-13 13:32:21

I'm not going to give much detail, because I know the person in question lurks and occasionally posts on here.

OH and I are supposed to be moving in together at some point in the near future.
We both have children to previous partners, and yes.. We've discussed this in length before.

This morning, OH has blindsided me completely.
Apparently, there is now no intention of them ever being involved with my children, nor are they to stay in any home we make together.
This is not what we discussed previously.

I quote:
"I don't have a problem with you seeing them. As long as it doesn't affect my life"

OH has found it difficult to deal with me having children, even though they have one of their own.
It's now apparently expected that I have to be completely ok with living with their DC (which I am.. I've met DC quite a few times and we get on really well), but I'm asking too much for OH to be involved with mine...

I just don't know what to do.
It's really important to me that we are a family unit... Even if my children don't live with me.

I'm not expecting to suddenly go everywhere together. I know that it will take time and that it needs to be a gradual thing for everyone's sake.
I'm happy with that, it gives everyone time to get to know each other and adjust....
But... for it now to be a flat no, with no chance of it changing?

I feel like I've been stabbed in the back.
Advice please..

QueVes Sun 26-May-13 13:34:02

How old are the children?

SueDnym Sun 26-May-13 13:34:11

Deal breaker.

YouStayClassySanDiego Sun 26-May-13 13:35:57

Don't move in with someone who displays such an attitude towards your children.

WorraLiberty Sun 26-May-13 13:35:59

Why doesn't she want your kids in the house you intend to share?

JustABitShocked Sun 26-May-13 13:36:55

I'm not happy giving ages...
Too much detail.

elfycat Sun 26-May-13 13:37:49

Deal breaker here too. How can he think that's acceptable?

pictish Sun 26-May-13 13:37:54

If it is as you say, then it is a total deal breaker.

Purple2012 Sun 26-May-13 13:38:17

Deal breaker.

TiredAndTroubled Sun 26-May-13 13:38:25

So you're expected to live with their children but they want nothing do with yours?

sad Yes, that would be a deal breaker for me too. But be glad you found out before you moved in with this person.

pictish Sun 26-May-13 13:38:31

Elfy - I think the OP is a bloke, and the OH a woman.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 26-May-13 13:39:33

Deal breaker. Unacceptable.

QueVes Sun 26-May-13 13:39:56

OK, but if your kids are a lot older and borderline independent that would be a different situation. Although what your partner said is still a bit off even in that case.

JustABitShocked Sun 26-May-13 13:40:06

"I don't want meet them. I don't want anything to do with them"
"They will never be anything more than somebody else's kids"

HerrenaHarridan Sun 26-May-13 13:40:10

No fucking way.

My grandad did this to my mum and it still screws everything up.

elfycat Sun 26-May-13 13:40:30

Nice gender neutral OP, OP

So far one 'she' and one 'he' that was mine

ItsallisnowaFeegle Sun 26-May-13 13:40:48

Yes, that's a massive issue and most definitely would be a deal breaker for me.

GoblinGranny Sun 26-May-13 13:41:31

Deal breaker for me. If I split from my OH, then whatever I had as dependents would be a complete part of the package.
Otherwise I'd have to consider them as a lover rather than a partner, or not at all.
Has your partner given a reason why they expect the inequality to be acceptable? I can't think of one.

WestieMamma Sun 26-May-13 13:41:41

OP do you really need to ask?

pictish Sun 26-May-13 13:41:49

"I don't have a problem with you seeing them. As long as it doesn't affect my life"

Fuck this person off permanently, immediately.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 26-May-13 13:42:05

How could you continue to move someone who would ask you to treat your kids like that!?!

YouStayClassySanDiego Sun 26-May-13 13:42:11

Such a cold attitude by OH, callous and spiteful. Run like the fucking wind!

Pozzled Sun 26-May-13 13:42:29

Yes, deal breaker.

If you already have kids when you start a new relationship, you come as a unit.

JustABitShocked Sun 26-May-13 13:42:38

I tried to keep it gender neutral for most of the post.
Blokes tend to get flamed.
I haven't hidden anything, but I wanted a neutral reaction first.
Sorry if anyone felt mislead.

HerrenaHarridan Sun 26-May-13 13:42:46

To move = to love obvs

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