To feel unwelcome because of this damn diet?(57 Posts)
Background: I started a diet to help control endometriosis about 3 months ago, it seems to be helping a lot (well, until this month anyway) but is quite restrictive. At the moment I am essentially on a gluten-free vegan diet, with reduced refined sugar. I tried relaxing it over the last month or so but the pain, discomfort and bloating returned with a vengeance so I am back to being strict with it and then will introduce things gradually again in another couple of months. It's getting to me a bit - I have some amazing recipes, but it does make things harder especially as I have been suffering with pain again recently.
Anyway, we are down at my in-laws at the moment, and when this all started MIL (with whom I generally get on well) was lovely and read up on it a lot (and because the "resident expert" - which is a whole other thread....).
This time, I brought some stuff - I am getting into the habit of doing that - but the first meals she made were ham and cheese sandwiches for late lunch, and a dinner of spag Bol with bread and a vienetta for pudding. So basically apart from the salad and a few grapes there was no part of them that I could eat. (My mother makes sure there's always a dish in the meal that I can have, and she gets these lovely gluten-free tarts for me).
I know I am feeling touchy about all this at the moment - I hate having to think about what I eat as I never have before, and I hate causing an issue over this, but AIBU to feel a bit put out that there has been no thought for me? I probably am, I know that, and I also know that I've been a bit obsessive over it (it did help that it was working up till this month....it's amazing what an incentive pain reduction can be!). I don't expect everyone else to be as focused on it as I am - I just can't help feeling a bit about it!
Please tell me to get a grip!
I've no tolerance for those who are dieting to lose weight, as it doesn't work - if you are at my house just eat less, I serve a good balance of food anyway.
your position is different and I would be happy to help. As your menu is very restricted, if you were my guest I would like you to warn me beforehand, give me some meal ideas and bring your own ingredients. Then I could help you.
I think YABU, sorry. A gluten-free vegan diet, with reduced refined sugar - I wouldn't know where to start! It's not like just being vegetarian or having a nut allergy and expecting a host to accommodate. I would take my own food on such a restrictive diet.
But it's her MiL, therefore family, not a random dinner party. I wouldn't know where to start either, so I'd ask.
And then I'd provide.
OP - YANBU.
Thanks to all - you are being very sympathetic! I did bring a bag of stuff - I usually do to places (this is our second visit here), so I'm not going hungry. In fact I think my breakfast of chocolate mousse (made with avocado, cocoa powder and maple syrup) was nicer than their eggs and toast.... .
It's interesting about pork sanity On the blood type that I follow it says that it's one of the few meats that shouldn't be eaten by ANYONE!! It gives dh terrible gouty pains; when he doesn't eat it ('cos even he's noticed it!!) he's miles better
Almost sounds like she's going out of her way to make things you can't eat. Do you think secretly she could think you're making a fuss about nothing? I frequently have to cope with both vegetarian and gluten free and just simplify by making something like chickpea curry or a mixed bean chilli. It works out cheaper than buying meat.
Yy to cheaper than meat! And falafel or bean burgers are delicious. As is baked sweet potato with full fat coconut milk instead of butter.....mmmm!
I'd probably be stuck with the gluten free, be do alright on vegan foods. Jacket potatoes, oven chips, curry and rice and I'd probably get some gf/vegan chocolate/treats in as well.... Going out of their way to provide stuff you can't eat is mean!
tbh nobody would really know what a gluten free vegan diet was well not 'normal cooks' I do think you should have taken some food to give your MIL pointers to go on, I hope you are managing to find something to eat
and you should really have gone into the kitchen to see what you can have imo
yanbu. I would certainly make an effort. You can eat rice? I have coeliacs but dont bother with all that 'free from' yuck as it upsets my tummy too and is overpriced. I just eat rice and veggies and fish (potatoes make me ill for some bastard reason too)
I'm lucky in that I never eat out or stay places but do have friends over. One friend has a list of intolerances as long as a thesaurus and while I might have a small panic I make the bloody effort because she is a friend. I think your MIL secretly doesnt believe you or is being aPITA. Can you either not visit or send her a list of recipes and take your own food? There's lots of ideas that avoid that over priced free from stuff.
So she read up about it all then ignored it/didn't make you aware she couldn't provide you anything, why?
Is there something your MIL cooks that you can eat? "I love your <whatever> can you make it for dinner?" ego stroking can go a long way.
I havethoughtabouthow I would feel and deal with it and to be honest I would be taking my main bit ofthemeal and having the saladandstuffthat MIL makes. At least that way you are getting something you know you like and can eat.
My dietary restrictions is that I'm a veggie and after 17 years all I get to eat from my mum is a bland cheese sandwich or chips and a quorn burger and then she tells all her friends how ungrateful I am and she can't be doing with these faddy diets!
I don't know! It was lovely of her to make the effort to learn about it, though.
Mrsjay I did bring stuff, and I do make stuff. I just wondered if I was BU feeling a bit miffed that no concessions were made at all - quite the opposite. It seems that I may be a bit, so fair enough.
Slightly off topic, but have you tried Paleo for the endo? It's less restrictive than the diet you are currently trying, and it has helped enormously with my irregular, painful periods, plus a thyroid condition.
(Apologies, of course, if you are vegan for ethical reasons, in addition to helping alleviate endo symptoms.)
Might you be a coeliac you should get tested. What is it about the vegan ism that is likely to be beneficial could you be allergic to dairy. I think you need to consider bringing your own food that diet is very restrictive and difficult to cater for so you need to get used to the idea that you will have to plan ahead to some degree.
You need to take your own food. As somebody who has had a similar dietary restriction for ten years, I never expect to be provided with suitable food, and always have some with me. But, when somebody has made a genuine effort, shown thoughtfulness about including me, then I am really appreciative and make that known.
How did your MiL react to her obvious lack of edible provision for you?
She was unreasonable as could have made a salad and boiled some rice - but with a very restrictive diet might be easier to bring your own food. If she didn't know what to cook she could have asked for guidance.
Stopgap - I am not vegan for any reason other than red meat and dairy inflaming endo, white meat and eggs containing hormones that endo feeds off (unless it's organic, which is prohibitively expensive) etc. I have a friend who swears by paleo, but it's not for me - I get very light-headed without carbs, and don't think red meat is particularly good for me in high quantities. Nice idea though, I did consider it.
Balloons - interesting thought, I might look into asking about allergy testing. Thank you.
Purplerayne - you are right, I think I need to switch my thinking to assume no provision, and be pleased when there is instead of hoping for something. It's all very new to me and I'm struggling a bit to come to grips with it at the moment, this felt like a bit of a kick in the teeth, perhaps... She didn't really react, just said something along the lines of "we're having this for supper, what are you going to eat?" (Might not have been as stark as that, but as I said, I'm feeling a bit over sensisitive about it....).
Chocolate moose sounds fab - can you share the recipe???
thefuture, Quorn products contain egg white, sadly.
But we prefer soya products anyway; soya mince makes a fab bolognese or chilli.
I would go for something Japanese or Korean - rice noodles, miso, stir fried veg, lemon grass and so on. DD makes this sort of food all the time as she is trying to go dairy-free at the moment.
And I think you should talk to her about it. She might be expecting you to prepare your own food as you have brought some but doesn't know how to say it? Ask her what us for the next meal and say, 'Could I make X to go with it for me?' Help her prepare the meal while you talk about your meal too.
FWIW I have recently changed the diet of my whole family and I find it completely emotionally draining, I feel really angry for having to control my diet and then seeing instant and painful reactions if I make a mistake and I feel really angry if people don't appreciate the importance of the diet or pass judgements or make assumptions about my reasons for following it. I am feeling less angry about it as time goes by!!! I know it is my issue, not other people's!!
I am so dreading this, I'm having to start a GF life soon, once my coeliac biopsy confirms what my blood tests are already 9% certain of.
It's going to be awful, and I am so depressed about it. I have already started avoiding going to other people's houses or to restaurants for fear of the reactions I'm going to get. And I have been a massive foodie all my life.
That should say 99% certain, obviously. Not 9%. Bloody hell, I wish.
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